I go to the gym everyday. Wait. I go to the gym everyday so I can get girls. Girls want guys who have big pectoral muscles, or "pecs." The problem is that my pecs are smaller than a hummingbird's pecs. Birds actually have very big pecs, compared to their body size, but not when compared to my body size. So, in summary, I have small pecs, and ( Read more... )

Man, I love the idea of the chocolate chip scone. In case you aren't familiar with the pastry, here is an example of the components ( Read more... )

At the beginning of this tale, our hero has just returned to his abode from his morning lessons at the medical university where he has attended for a little more than one year for the purpose of learning the noble trade of physicianing. Being a youth of voracious appetite, he at once set upon his kitchen so that he might sate the feelings of ( Read more... )

At first glance, this may look like a picture of a dog wearing a hat.


( Read more... )

"Okay, now I'm going to look in your ears ( Read more... )

"That guy definitely has fucked up eyes; just look at that tie ( Read more... )

The new, cool thing that I'm doing these days is using a literary device and then yelling the name of the literary device afterward. For example, I might say "Honduras Haikus... alliteration!" This has been working great for the past day that I have been doing it, but alliteration is as far as I've gotten in the literary device dictionary (... ( Read more... )

Okay classmates, since you all want to know why I'm so sweaty when I get to class, I'll let you in on the secret. I don't actually walk to school every morning. The truth is, the heater in my car is broken and it is always on full-blast. The heat wouldn't be that unbearable, but for the fact that I stubbornly refuse to waste the product of my ( Read more... )

I have decided to cut down on midnight snacking, so I need to know if "midnight" is at 12 AM or if it is the chronological halfway point between sunrise and sunset.

Does that sound like a Cathy joke?

Well, I did my first Digital Rectal Exam today. Just in case you aren't familiar with that term, digital means finger and rectal means asshole. So, in short, I examined an asshole with my finger; any questions? I just wanted to clarify because some people get confused by the "digital" part, but it's actually a very "anal"og process ( Read more... )