I finally got a life. It's too bad I was playing a video game at the time.

Every morning when I am getting ready to go to class all I can think about is how fucking tired I am because it is fucking ten to eight and it is also cold as shit outside. And there I am fumbling with my tea and bagel trying to unlock my car without dropping the shit I just mentioned...; the shit aforementioned?; the aforementioned shit ( Read more... )

I was reading a recent issue of Science magazine, and I was shocked to find out that something called "Global Warming" was occurring, even as I was reading the article. And the globe is warming even now as you read this. As it turns out human beings are the cause of Global Warming, and it is up to us to stop it. Global Warming is being caused by ( Read more... )

Man, I love coming to class incredibly tired and slightly hung-over. It makes me feel like the world is my toy store, and all the people in the world are just children with no money dancing around me, unaware of the goblets of drool hanging precipitously from their mouths until those goblets fall on their shirts, snapping them back into reality ( Read more... )

Whenever I go to nice Mexican restaurants these days, I feel like I am betraying Taco Bell. It's like Taco Bell and I used to be really good friends, probably best friends, in high school. But then we both went to the same college, and I met some different, more sophisticated friends that I hang out with all the time. And Taco Bell doesn't say ( Read more... )

Sometimes when I am talking to people, I forget that I am not famous and they probably don't recognize me. If you had asked me ten years ago if I would be a household name by this time, I would have reckoned so. But as it turns out I am still just an underground celebrity like Ween or Dolph Lundgren. Sure yesterday someone told me they had ( Read more... )

Peter PediculosisMy name’s peter pediculosis ( Read more... )

I have finally reached that point in my life that everyone out there is striving for. That's right, I now consider my facebook profile to be capable of representing me better than I can represent myself. You only get one chance to make a first impression, and my facebook profile allows me to give a standardized first impression that is always ( Read more... )

I went to my first brunch today, and I have to admit, I was a little nervous. By the way brunch is lunch plus breakfast, mixed together temporally. I think it ought to be called "Breakfast plus Lunch: A Temporal Chimera" to avoid confusion. As it turns out, it was delicious. Fine mixes of meats, cheeses and fruit. That isn't what I was nervous ( Read more... )

My mother recently bought me some Nutri•Grain Cereal Bars. I tried to explain to her that Nutri•Grain Cereal Bars were for girls, but she bought them anyway. Insult to injury, she bought them from Sam's Club, so they came in a giant box which contained three smaller, but still large, boxes. Inside each of the three inner boxes were 16 Nutri•Grain ( Read more... )