When you have to conceal from someone something you did or are about to do, so you spend an hour coming up with some awesome bullshit, but then when you go to tell your story, that other person trusts you so implicitly they do not even question the initial suspicious fabrication and you never even have to go near your carefully constructed ( Read more... )

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Okay, something that really annoys me. When people err on the side of taking offense. Now, there are two types of 'offensive', one that's real and one that is phony. The first kind hurts your feelings because someone said something to make you feel dumb, small, worthless, or whatever. The second kind hurts your vanity. This usually consists of ( Read more... )

One time in college I was at an exam review when one of the guys stepped out of the room. While he was gone, someone pointed out that the guy who just left never looks people in they eye when he's speaking to them. (I used to be bad at eye contact too, so even though I was sitting right there in the room and therefore gossip-proof, for a split ( Read more... )

I went to the Texas State Fair this last Wednesday.

1. Big Tex, not that big. In the advertisements they always shoot him from a worm's eye view so that he rises into the sky like one of the monsters on Power Rangers. In real life, probably only forty, fifty feet tall, tops. I mean, I guess that's kind of big, if we were in Delaware or Vermont, ( Read more... )

This week I moved around some of the picture frames hanging around my house. One painting in particular belonged to the previous owners and was the centerpiece of the living room. When I took it down there was nothing left on that side of the room except for a bare nail driven into the wall surrounded by a rectangular, ghostish smudge where the ( Read more... )

Ah, another tennis major championship, another mini-crush on Mary Carillo (and bonus mini-crush on Sam Stosur). I had never noticed that at the U.S. Open, when the chair umpire wants the crowd to quiet down he says "Please" into the microphone in an authoritative tone of voice. However, at Wimbledon, the umpire says "Thank you" instead, but in the ( Read more... )

I've been thinking about it, and if I was in the direct path of a hurricane (I mean really direct, almost as if it were coming specifically for me), I'd meet it stripped to the waist in the tall grass, holding a lightning rod like a samurai sword with it secretly wired to like a million H-bombs. Except even more dramatic somehow ( Read more... )

When I went to go see Rise of the Planet of the Apes (Which was awesome, by the way. There was one moment where instead of cheering, the entire theater went dead silent. The type of silence where even the air conditioner shuts off.) I completely inadvertently wore a shirt with a monkey on it. The only shirt I own featuring any sort of primate, like ( Read more... )

( So, I finally decided to watch Flash Gordon again... )