i hate when people play games. play games that cut deep into your heart. when you know that you have something to do inadvertently with what is going on wiht some one and they wont talk to you about it. when certain people are making things up that you supposedly told them, when you were just rying to be nice in the first place. it just pisses me ( Read more... )

this is the kind of love i want to feel all summed up by old willy ( Read more... )

the days creep by. each more slowly than they last. ive become comfortably numb in my skin. a steady stream of medication followed by a new found will to keep my self busy or asleep at every waking moment of the day. i try to keep my brain still these days. keep my mind quiet, the thoughts at bay. to think merely brings about questions that im not ( Read more... )

im ready to be suffocated with love. i wanted to be smothered in it. i want it to completely and utterly encase me. i want to breathe it. and i want it to be real. i dont want this petty puppy love bullshit that ive been trying to avoid for so long. the kind that just leaves you with a little hurt and lot of wasted time. i want an intense guy. a ( Read more... )

its been a long week. i long week of secrets and death. of unhappiness. but for some reason, im starting to feel like im sliding into a moment of clarity. i have a plan for what i want to do wiht my life, and that makes things a little easier to swallow. im still struggling dealing with issues, but ive found that al i can do is break it up ion to ( Read more... )

im breaking down.. i feel it all caving in again..im trying to pull it all together.. and to be logical.. and im stuck in this haze... my chest is tight.. and i just dont want to be right now. i have to get away soon.. i have to go.. some where anywhere.. i need to breathe.. mikes leaving saturday. ever since he has found out he has been an ass ( Read more... )

what scares me the most is being alive when i feel so dead. i feel like a simple body that is searching for my soul. i dont know when i lost it, but somewhere along the way, it became un attached and blew into the wind. i struggle at times to fight this losing battle. and when i start to feel up hill again, it almost seems like its not worth the ( Read more... )

hoday has been a crazy day. the only other day i can remember that is anything remotely close to this was when i was nine years old and i had an anxiety atack before school, so i didnt go. today was like that day plus ten thousand. i woke up witha sunken heart and a weird feeling in my brain. i cried or the the majority of the day. all i want is ( Read more... )

today my mom asked me if i was suicidial. she told paul and MaRanda that she was really worried about me. is it really becomein that obvious that im unhappy in myself, in my life, in everything as a whole? i tried so fervently to hide it all from the world with this masquarade smile, and forced twinkle in my eye. i fell like i have no one left to ( Read more... )

this is my unopened letter to a world.. that never shall reply. i love you all so dearly. this is to you all: nAsh,LT, rice, carl,bryce,aj, sarahme, mcpeak, rhomes,jacob, leslie, mike ( Read more... )