Is anyone else having trouble with their friends page? Unless practically NO ONE is updating, LJ is not showing me most of my friends...

Insanity pulses through my veins, takes the reins. Every time you change, I feel strange, not sure what the range of emotion should be. It sets me in spinning motion, causes a spinning commotion in my bran, static, stuck in the atic of my mind, banging on the door, gotta get more, I'm afflicted, addicted. My brain runs away, can't stay, nothing ( Read more... )

This is the first thing I've written about the rape that wasn't just braindump journalling that I think is worthy of being shared. Comments (positive or not) are welcome.

Actually now that I think about it, it isn't the first thing, but it is the first in a LONG time.

( Read more... )

For any survivors out there reading me, a question or three:

How do you get through anniversaries? Do you find they get better with time? What factors affect how they affect you?

EDIT: I want to spend all my time in church. To be somewhere where I know God is, where I can focus and quiet my mind. But I can't go to church right now, so I'm ( Read more... )

Swallowing problems are a known side effect of Paxil. I couldn't find anything about sexual side effects, but I just did a cursory search. I will call my doctor tomorrow to ask.

EDIT: Talked to my doctor, and I'm reducing the dose of Paxil to half a pill.

So I might have to abstain from Facebook or unfriend my aunt for the next few weeks. It seems the alternatives to those options are either to start a political and philosophical argument with her, or to bite my tongue every time she posts.

This quote from her FB explains why:

For the next few weeks, I am going to be posting quotes and/or ( Read more... )

I don't even know how I feel right now. I come home from church (I had a lovely time) and check my facebook, only to find a post from my aunt about "a large gathering of believers" That she is going to be a part of, who are "going to 'reach out and resist' during the Gay Pride event - with love, compassion, and with strength of character and ( Read more... )

Had a really good day bowling (beat Shorty 4 games in a row) and then my mood came crashing down as soon as I got home and found River asking me if I wanted to do something with her and N. Now I'm thrilled to be included in plans, really I am; I hate being left out of anything. Here's my issue: people rarely actually ask me directly if I want to ( Read more... )

Washington says she thinks I have been depressed longer than the last few days. I'm not sure where she gets that idea; I looked back at my journal and I didn't write about it if I was. She is always making statements about how I feel and how I act, as if she knows what's going on in my brain better than I do. I had been feeling better, actually ( Read more... )

The last day or two have been...interesting. I somehow managed to convince myself that no one loves me and I have no friends and that all the people I thought were my friends were only putting up with me because I'm River's partner. Everyone loves River, and I feel like she's constantly making plans and hanging out with people and stuff, and I ( Read more... )