burble burble. i like the way that sounds. i've been eating the past few days. i haven't counted calories or weighed myself. i don't know how i feel about that. i feel fat and gross, disappointed and anxious. but at the same time i know it's good for me. yeah whatev.
school blah blah blah. i'm gonna apply at hannaford next week. i can't work ( Read more... )

drinking 40's makes me happy. i don't feel happy when i get drunk and hungry however.

( listings )

would you treat me better, if i were skinnier?
if i were prettier, would you pay more attention to me?
would i get better grades, if i lost ten pounds?
would someone call, just to see how i was, if i were my goal weight?
would i be a priority if i were fucking perfect? if you couldn't ignore how beautiful i was? just fuck this asghsdflkuslk FUCK THIS.

( self hatred. )

i think i'm back on the wagon. i said no to everything this morning and i have class through dinner time so i hope that will be easy to avoid. so far today i've had coffee with cream in it. i'm really tired. i think it's because i slept too much and i'm just groggy. i'm going to have something small when colin gets out of work then i'm going ( Read more... )

ugh fuck. i've gained 7lbs. i know it's just food and drink and i didn't ACTUALLY gain that much. however it's still sickening to see that number on the scale. i had taco bell and chinese food last night =( and today i had some stuffed crust pizza. ugh. i'm going out again tonight then i'm not eating or having alcohol for four days. i will ( Read more... )

i'm exhausted. i haven't slept in 36ish hours. i hate halloween candy. i hate it. i keep fucking eating it. i'm sure if i didn't have all the calories from those tricky little bars that i would be AT LEAST .5lbs less than i am right now. i finally lost a pound though and i'm in the 1x0's. time to get down to the next ten digits! i would ( Read more... )

( yeahmmm )

( akisdgh )