Can't tell magic when I see it, eh? Is that what you all think of me, then? I bloody well do not like your tone, Ms. Weasley, and I'm not going to stand for it, either. I have a surprise for you and the rest of you bleeding sods.

I'VE BEEN STUDYING!

( That's right, I've been studying. Studying MAGIC. Yeah, that's right. )

Seven years, Potter, you've been ducking in and out of here like you owned the place and I've never had the luck to catch you doing it until now. I don't know what kind of bloody hex you've been using but it's too damned good for student use, that's for sure. I'd ask you about it but I'm TOO BUSY GLOATING ( Read more... )

Since you little bastards drove the house elves to strike, I've been having a devil of a time getting my work done. Well, now it's time for the shoe to roost on the other foot. It's Summer Cleaning, you little sods, and you're going to help me get this castle clean enough to eat off of. You may be thinkin, "Oh, it's Mr. Filch and his crazy ( Read more... )

Right, so me and Silent Bob were hanging around the back of Dante's fucking shit-shop last week, and this old bitch comes up to us askin' for a pair of dimebags and some other shit. My hetero-lifemate made to prep the weed while I eyeballed her tits, but the fuckin' slut pulls a badge! So I said, 'Shit! Book it, supersize' and Silent Bob was ( Read more... )

So, Corner filled Ravenclaw tower with smoke and claimed that it would fix the virus-thing. By the time I carted my laptop up there, it was gone, so I thought I'd make some of my own smoke and take care of the problem. That bloody well didn't work - my laptop smelled like smoke and was still belching bouquets of rats. So I set the thing on fire ( Read more... )

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I made a decision last night. I was standing in front of my closet, staring into the soul-crushing blackness that resides there and trying to figure out how the hell I'm going to get my favorite shirt back, and it just hit me. Out of the blue-like.

It's high time someone fucking well came in here and got this scary piece of work Veil out of my ( Read more... )

Well, Mrs. Norris is finally back. I set her out a plate of oil and she came right round. She's a good girl. It's about time that she showed up, too. She has her independant streak, I know, but this was pretty damned ridiculous. I blame paparazzi_colin for scaring her off her feed. I've been thinking about dragging him off to the Headmaster's office, but ( Read more... )

Thanks to a certain "evil" Overlord, I am currently on my way back to Scotland in the back of some Muggle's truck. We've stopped to get some food, but it's raining and I'm soaked. I'm going to try to get the Knight Bus to pick me up, but I don't have high hopes ( Read more... )

So, today's the last day of term here at Hogwarts. All you lads and lasses are packing your things and carting them off to the carriages and I have to say it's about the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Watching you miserable beggars empty my hallways is like beam of warm sunshine on my soul ( Read more... )