Dave can’t really swallow anymore

! argh. I'm trying to get to the board but I keep getting an error message.

Yes. Fuck BAZ.

Today work agreed to pay for me to have ice skating lessons!

Last night I somehow managed to sleep on my hand in such a way that it looks as though I’ve been given the slapping of my life. I basically have a red handprint imprinted on the side of my face. Surely, a great look for my job interview this afternoon!. The job is the first one that I’ve applied for in God knows how long. I sometimes think ( Read more... )

It’s my cousins 12th birthday this weekend. I do know what twelve year olds want. When I was twelve I’d had my period for a year, had pimples on my forehead that I thought were destroying my soul and was hell bent on having an eating disorder and reading parts of Forever by Judy Blume outloud.

Picture me sitting in a darkened room smoking. In the interests of accuracy picture me not actually smoking so much as blowing a lot of smoke in my own face. It’s ANZAC day. It’s a pubic holiday. We are to reflect upon the great sacrifice our country made offering its young men up as cannon fodder for foreign interests defending itself. Of course ( Read more... )

A few days ago in the midst of my post holiday lack o Canadian blues my littlest flatmate got on my nerves. It started with the mess in the house. Though normally pretty decent about cleaning up after himself his standards have dropped to the point where he has actually bought more frying pans and cutlery so that he can wash up less. We ended up ( Read more... )

Recently I’ve been feeling like a graduate from the Andrea Dworkin School of desirability. I have let myself go. My peace of mind, my sense of humour, my conversational skills and my comfort in my own skin have all disappeared while my body has taken it upon itself to fill the gaps and has assumed the proportions of a stout middle aged woman. On ( Read more... )

Me: “and now I feel sad and lonely.”

Dad: “Perhaps you could try rope splicing. That always cheers me right up”

I’ve always had masochistic tendencies but there’s something about spending my holiday being told that I am: annoying, too polite, selfish, ridiculous, rude, pushy, crazy, hyperactive, creepy, hypocritical, dressing like a whore, boring ( Read more... )