why can't i let go and live in the here and now? in moments of clarity which i try so desparately to hold on to, it slips away at the slightest glance elsewhere and once more i lose my grip on reality. am i drifted in a hospital bed, unexpected to return? life feels like a dream these days, although an unpleasant one. songs have so much power over ( Read more... )

it's amazing what can happen in such a short time period. in all the years i've been with my love, all of those years he's been best friends with ryan, and it's shocking that once that comfortable friend is ripped away, how much he has proved to mean to everyone. what is even more amazing is that in all of that time i never really knew him, more ( Read more... )

i can feel the pmsage coming on. i hate this time of month, especially the week before. migraines, emotional hijacking, fat food cravage. i guess it's time to hop my ass down to the Y and bust a cap on that treadmill ( Read more... )

some days, when i'm driving down those old fuckin' roads, i just miss what i had. fuckin' staying up all night stoned out of my mind playing games until four o'clock, just fuckin' around.

join the club.

yeah. i guess it's all just a part of growing up. it fuckin' sucks. i miss it.once a tweakin' crazy ass kid, now a man of the U.S., has never ( Read more... )

the disbanding of the past and life's mistakes is clearing my path and burning away the fog. theres a sign of hope ahead: 33 to go. i'm close. country songs told me that if i'm going through hell to keep on going and i might get out before the devil even knows i'm there. i guess i gave up a little sooner, but luckily momentum pushed me through. two ( Read more... )

crying is good, but now i can't stop. it feels good to finally get it out after all this ranting and bitching, but he won't even call. i know he knows i'm upset. he didn't even try to walk me to the door, just let me get out and walk upset. i wanted to leave. i wanted to fuck every other guy in san jose just to spite him. i wanted to run to armando ( Read more... )

sometimes, i really wish that i had the balls to drive myself off a cliff. right now is probably one of those times ( Read more... )

i'm feeling very open. i had an amazingly great then shitty night ( Read more... )

with each progressing chapter, every turned page and next step, i seem to fall behind another priority. so much for getting ready and looking nice. guess i'll go out with the OTHER guy today ( Read more... )

people who claim to be non-judgemental are liars. that isn't an opinion; that's fact. this world spins on an axle of bias. it's common for a person to try to avoid bias and judgement as much as possible, but no one is indifferent, and i think- no, it is pure fact that people who consider themselves as such think way too much of themselves ( Read more... )