God DAMN it! I can't believe this shit! Today, while I was flying my dirigible above Queens, a fucking Delta 737 smashed right into my balloon! I had to crash the goddamn flaming wreck down onto Flushing Meadows. How many accidents can one guy get into in a week ( Read more... )

What is going on ( Read more... )

(from a letter to James Ewing, Sr ( Read more... )

Today, at about 5:15pm, I got into a car accident. A woman pulled out from a stop sign and smashed into the side of my van. The driver's side door is dented, there's a little cosmetic damage, and the wheel looks to be quite bent outta shape - with possibly more serious damage to the front alignment and axle and other parts like that. Her Prius ( Read more... )

Today, I got lost or couldn't find a destination more often over the course of five hours than I have dealt with such situations in the past five years. Incredible. But, I did drive on a road named Weekeepeemee Rd, which is one of the best street names I've seen in awhile ( Read more... )

I'm sick of the Democrats. We have a great president, and huge majorities in Congress - nearly veto-proof in the Senate. Now we're compromising on the economic stimulus? Ditching the family planning portion? Because public funding of contraceptives is somehow a far-left liberal position ( Read more... )

I made $100, net profit, from working for about three hours doing a couple man with van jobs on Saturday. And then ( Read more... )

I have been really into those small cans of Campbells Chunky Soup this week. But honestly, in terms of bang for my buck, the Chicken Noodle doesn't even come CLOSE to the Sirloin Burger ( Read more... )

1. It's pretty cool that the Brewers are going to sign Prince Fielder to a two-year deal. Avoiding arbitration next year is a smart move, because Prince is almost certain to have a better year at the plate in 2009 than he did in 2008; despite the fact that there is no putting lipstick on the warthog numbers he put up last year (everything worse ( Read more... )

As W. leaves office, the somewhat apolitical Nato Paisano Tortilla Journal would like to remind you of a few things ( Read more... )