Wrist-Cut Show Chapter Four
Lost?:
Prologue
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Interlude
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight *new*
Note: I’m sorry this is so short and it has been many days since my last post. I’m been feeling kinda down. My life has been getting kinda life-y lately, and I don’t know how to deal with the life-ness. So, not much happens in this chapter, but it’ll get me propelled into the next one.
Warnings: Some sexual situations. ToshiyaxShinya-ness (sorry…they ARE still together in this story)
AFF deleted my account, so I’ll only being posting my slash here I guess. They didn’t even send me an e-mail as to why, so I’m rather sad. But you lj-ers are so much nicer to me anyway!
:-:-:
Wrist-Cut Show
Chapter Four
:-:-:
Kyo gazed at Shinya as if he had been stunned, mesmerized by the soggy tears that were gradually gathering in the brunette’s eyes and quietly spilling over to carve small tracks down his perfect cheeks.
“Stop crying.” He heard himself choke out bluntly, gripping Shinya’s slender shoulders roughly with his coarse hands. Kyo had never been able to handle it when women cried; Shinya looked so much like a beautiful woman. Those tears, the weeping, it brought back painful memories, memories that Kyo couldn’t handle resurfacing right now.
Shinya looked up at him in noiseless confusion, unable to get a handle on his erratic emotions. A small sob escaped his lips. He watched as Kyo retracted his body suddenly from Shinya’s as though he had been stung. Shinya didn’t understand what was going on. What he was supposed to do? Why was Kyo so upset?
Shinya couldn’t help but notice the look of horror taking over Kyo’s features. Could he see it to? Kyo’s eyes bore into him as if they were reading him, every single sickening detail that he wanted so desperately to hide. Shinya averted his guilty eyes. No, he didn’t want anyone else to see. Kyo was judging him, they were all judging him. He hadn’t wanted another one to hate him, to look at him with angry eyes full of revulsion. They wouldn’t understand. They would hurt him. They would hate him. Kyo would hate him.
“Please…” Shinya murmured repentantly, reaching one petite hand out as though waiting for the other boy to take it. Kyo stared at Shinya’s hand that extended towards him with an anomalous glint in his eyes before he scrambled quickly off the bed.
“Get away!” he bellowed piercingly, his eyes blazing with unrefined emotion. There was an uncultivated tone in his voice, so much raw anger. It terrified Shinya as he fearfully watched Kyo storm down the hall and out of sight.
Shinya sat dejectedly on his ruffled bed sheets, a sickening feeling gathering in the pit of his stomach. He could hear the sounds of Kyo furiously banging around in the room next door, but Shinya’s mind had slipped beyond caring. He was too preoccupied by the feeling of disgust that was speedily working its way though his throbbing body, wracking his thin frame with new shivers.
His hands gripped fretfully on the smooth wood of the bedside table, accidentally knocking a number of items over in his haste to obtain his cell phone from where it was charging. He quickly pressed ‘2’, thankful that Toshiya had had the foresight to program his speed dial. He wasn’t sure if he would’ve lasted long enough to dial each individual number. He listened to the customary ringing; begging that his boyfriend would pick up the phone regardless of the fact that it was the middle of the night. Shinya’s hands were trembling terribly and he didn’t know how much longer he could hold this out.
“Hello?” finally came Toshiya’s sleepy voice fuzzily from the other line. The man sounded tetchy and Shinya silently pleaded with whatever god was listening that Toshiya would listen to him. Shinya could hear the sounds of Toshiya shuffling around in the background, but he didn’t take the extra moment to think about it.
“Totchi, please…” Shinya implored, his voice feeble as he spoke into his phone, curling himself into a tight ball. His breath was coming in faster and faster, he could feel it gripping chokingly onto him. He wasn’t going to last, he wasn’t going to make it.
“Shinya? What’s wrong?!” Toshiya was suddenly wide awake, his voice edged deeply with concern. Shinya did not sound well at all. Besides that, Shinya hadn’t called him Totchi since they were young, and it worried him to hear his old nickname pop back up out of the blue.
“God, Totchi.” Shinya felt himself begin to sob, unable to keep himself silent any longer. The pressure building up inside his chest did not want to be quelled and would not stand to be quieted.
“Just please…” His voice died on him and he couldn’t stop his sobs from wracking his entire frame. He couldn’t find the words to describe this desolating aching that was pressing down so hard onto him, enveloping him in this throbbing that settled deep into the core of his chest.
“Damn it, Shinya? Tell me!” Toshiya inquired urgently into the phone, his hands feeling sweaty on the plastic and metal of its frame. All he could manage to hear were sounds and incomprehensible murmuring before he heard a loud bang and the sounds became softer. He couldn’t help but let worry flood his mind.
Shinya let his phone slip from his trembling hands as he sprinted from his bed with a sudden burst of frightened energy. The sound of Toshiya’s voice only filled him with guilt rather than comforted him. There was no on else that could ever help him with this problem. They couldn’t stop the feeling, the sensation that it was all over him, touching him and reaching inside of him. He could smell it all around; all he could see was covered in the oozing crimson.
His stomach clenched and he barely made it to the toilet before he started to retch, a wave of agony rolling through his stomach. A small amount of bile and saliva passed over his lips, reminding him that he had not eaten in quite a while and had nothing in there to vomit. The quivers in his stomach would not cease though, and he gripped the edge of the porcelain toilet, his knuckles turning white as his body refused to stop its dry retching. Tears pricked at the corners of Shinya’s eyes as his body finally halted and he was able to gratefully sink down onto the floor.
Why did everything have to suddenly be dredged up again? Those memories, searing into his mind, taking his semblance of calm which he had slowly been building up and ripping it completely and utterly apart.
Shinya crawled slowly across the floor until he reached the shower, pulling himself despairingly into it without bothering to remove his clothes. He didn’t have the time, and he doubted he had the energy either. Reaching one shaking hand up, Shinya flipped on the hot water, shivering as the searing spray slowly began to soak his trembling body, and he held his thin legs tightly against himself.
“Totchi please…” His eyelids slid closed miserably, his lips murmuring softly those words over and over again as the scorching water singed his back. “I don’t want to be alone.”
:-:-:
Toshiya pulled his jeans on as quickly as he could, throwing on an old t-shirt on and only looking in the mirror long enough to make sure that no lipstick was still smeared across his face. A hand reached out to grab his arm in protest, but he quickly shoved it away, not in the mood to deal with his one night stand who had decided to stay past their welcome.
He was glad that his mother wasn’t around. She had actually left him alone for once while she had gone off to spend some time with her new boyfriend. He quickly grabbed his keys off the kitchen counter where he had thrown them and got into his rusty old car.
It didn’t take long for him to navigate the clear night streets and make his way up to the house. He quietly parked in the driveway, noticing that the light was on in Shinya’s room. Instead of heading to the front door as seemed the ‘right’ thing to do, he headed around back where Shinya’s window was. If Shinya had called him this meant that he probably didn’t want Tarou involved in this and it wasn’t like Toshiya hadn’t snuck into Shinya’s room plenty of times before when they were neighbors.
Toshiya hefted himself through the window as quietly as possible and looked around cautiously. He could hear the sound of running water echoing dismally across the abnormally disorganized room. He swiftly rushed over to the bathroom, gasping slightly when he saw the trembling mess that was Shinya huddled on the tiled floor of the shower.
“Oh, Shin-chan.” Toshiya murmured mournfully, hurriedly turning off the water and putting one hand timorously on Shinya’s soaked shoulder. The brunette felt so hot, and steam was still billowing out of the bottom floor of the shower.
Shinya felt a light touch on his shoulder and he shuddered, looking up, his wet bangs plastered to his pale face, to see Toshiya leaning cagily over him.
“Totchi…” he murmured his arms reaching out as soon as his eyes locked onto that familiar body. The sight of a familiar friendly face was something he deeply desired at this moment. There was a part of him that only wanted to be held, by anyone really, and to be reassured. His soft pleading voice successfully tore at Toshiya’s heart and delivered the message, “Please…don’t leave me.”
Toshiya kneeled down onto the floor, pulling Shinya’s wet body in his arms, stroking Shinya’s head with delicate fingers, brushing through soggy locks of hairs. “What happened?” he murmured, concern thickly coating his generally cheerful voice.
Shinya could say nothing, too choked back by emotions that he couldn’t grasp control of. One shaky hand gripped distraughtly onto Toshiya’s t-shirt, the fabric slowly becoming soaked by being pressed against Shinya’s frame.
It had been a long time since Shinya had had a breakdown this dire. Toshiya had witnessed previous ones, but never had he been expected to deal with them all by himself before. Where the hell was Tarou? Why hadn’t Shinya called to him?
It was hard for Toshiya to deal with this, but the look in Shinya’s eyes caught something deep inside of him. They pleaded so badly that he couldn’t refuse. He warily dragged Shinya’s form from the pool of water, prying the wet clothes from Shinya’s body as the brunette curled tighter against Toshiya’s body. Shinya looked right now so much like a beaten child that it was slightly alarming for Toshiya.
“Do you love me?” an anxious but timid voice questioned, and Toshiya looked up from where he was pulling off Shinya’s soaked panties. Toshiya blushed, not wanting to be asked such a question while he doing what he was.
“Of course I do. Is it alright if I go find you some more clothes though?” Toshiya asked, as he made a small movement to leave and Shinya began to tremble slightly.
He waited for Shinya’s nod of approval before he pulled a blanket around Shinya’s shoulders. He stood from where he had placed Shinya on the bed and turned to rummage through Shinya’s drawers from some more clothes.
“Do you have any underwear besides panties anymore?” Toshiya mumbled as he grabbed the un-sexiest pair he could find. This was the worst time ever to be, well you know, but there was a very naked Shinya in bed right now and he was a teenager after all.
“Can you dress yourself?” Toshiya asked, as he re-approached Shinya with the clothes in hand.
Shinya gave Toshiya a look that reminded him a lot of a kicked puppy and Toshiya flinched. “Ok, ok.” He muttered exasperatedly.
His hands went to pull the shirt over Shinya’s head, but a hand pressing against his own chest stopped him. Toshiya looked up at Shinya in confusion as that hand slipped up inside Toshiya’s own shirt and rubbed slowly over his skin. Shinya’s eyes were unfocused and glazed over, and Toshiya didn’t trust him one bit.
“Shin, stop…” he made to say, but the brunette had leaned forward and pressed his lips lightly to the other boy’s.
Thin fingers traced their way up Toshiya’s chest as Shinya leaned closer forward intensifying the kiss, his naked limbs working their way around Toshiya’s body. Toshiya moaned slightly, he had forgotten how good that slim waist felt in his hands, that slender body held in arms, that beautiful mouth on his. Yes, this is why he never wanted to be separated from Shinya and his utter enthusiasm to give himself.
Toshiya groaned approvingly as one of those timid hands began to wander farther down to his groin and those lips detached from his mouth to graze against his earlobe.
“Stay tonight and you can fuck me.” It wasn’t a request, it wasn’t a demand, it was a plead. Toshiya knew Shinya wasn’t in any mood to have sex, not even the brunette’s body was showing signs of wanting it. While Toshiya was rapidly hardening in Shinya’s hand, he could very much feel that Shinya was not by the feel of their bodies pressed together.
With a deep sigh, Toshiya pulled Shinya’s hand out of his pants, trying not to grimace and ashamed of how quickly he had almost succumbed to Shinya’s gentle ministrations.
“I’ll stay here…just…” He looked into Shinya’s eyes which were slowly coming back to life. “…Let’s sleep instead. We have school tomorrow.”
Shinya smiled shakily, and Toshiya leaned down to kiss his forehead gently. Shinya really deserved so much better than him.
:-:-:
Kyo sat despondently on his bed in a state of semi-shock. It had been a while since he’d had a flash-back that shocking. What was it about that damn Shinya that brought back those painful memories? Those trusting eyes that asked to be loved, those warm soft eyes that no boy should have? Why was he crying? Why did he scream? Why did he shake and beg with such weakness? It stirred up a mixture of aching feelings inside of him, feelings that he could only quell by reacting with anger and skepticism.
There was no one. Sitting in that cold new room, Kyo’s body shivering feverishly as he moved to stare out his large window and out onto the dark streets below. He remembered sitting like this many times before in his previous homes, one hand pressed against the glass, trapped in this nightmare of a life with no escape route.
There was a diminutive glow on the horizon, growing steadily brighter over the tops of crisp city buildings. The streetlamps slowly blinked out one by one as the morning ate at the edges of the night’s domain. It was a feeble time, the point between light and dark fading, Kyo’s eyes fixated on the pale presence of the moon that refused to vanish with the coming dawn. The cacophony of life was just beginning to become once again as it escaped from the quiet night’s grasp.
“Mother…I’ll become something beautiful…and then I’ll join you…where I belong.” He spoke solemnly to the darkness.
Kyo’s fingers brushed tenderly over the deep scar on his wrist, leaning down to brush his lips in a kiss against the scarred flesh. Now all he could do was to bring out that blade and carve his promise into his skin, mesmerized by the crimson tears he bled.
Looking up to see his reflection in the glass, he couldn’t stop staring at the face he hated, that ugly, ugly shell that claimed to be himself. He wasn’t that image, he hadn’t become that…only on the outside. Yet, in this perverse world, that was all that really mattered. At this rate, he would never amount to anything in her eyes.
It wasn’t that he had asked for much. He hadn’t thought it’d been such a huge request. Just a little kind word here or there, just a little touch of familiarity and encouragement. He had just…wanted to gain a little of her love, so why had it been so hard?
“You look just like your father.”
Then why wouldn’t she love him?
“I hate him. That bastard, you’re like him too.”
He just wanted to close his eyes and embrace darkness that was escaping him.
“I know what he does to you. You deserve it.”
:-:-:
Trapped thinking of pointless things
Taken over by the memory
Of what I’ve already had
:-:-:
Kaoru woke that morning to find something warm had wrapped itself around him and was currently breathing hotly on his neck. He sighed exasperatedly and attempted to pry the offending arms from around his neck, but the redhead simply groaned, and squeezed his friend tighter.
"Die..." Kaoru cautioned grouchily, but his warning was promptly ignored.
Die took this chance to instead brush his lips against the skin of Kaoru's smooth neck, licking his slightly sweaty skin and murmuring sleepily, "You taste good."
Kaoru rolled his eyes at his friend’s behavior and glanced over at his clock on the bedside table. It was already six thirty-six in the morning.
"Die…did you turn off my alarm again?" Kaoru asked with aggravation, prying a rebellious Die from where he had started to suck languidly on Kaoru’s skin.
Die blinked up at him groggily with a slight pout on tired face. “I just wanted to spend the morning in bed with you.” He said in a sickeningly sweet voice.
Kaoru rolled his eyes once again, and sat up, causing Die to fall off the bed with a not-too-graceful thump. Kaoru looked crossly down at Die who was grumbling irritably, sitting on the floor in nothing but his silky boxers. Kaoru’s eyes grazed unwillingly over the boy’s firm chest, the smooth skin and the slight ribs that had begun to poke through it. That boy was really starting to get skinny.
“I’m making breakfast.” Kaoru stated abruptly as he stood up and walked past Die into the other room. “And stop sleeping in my bed. I said you could have the couch.”
“What’s the special occasion?” Die asked ignoring the latter comment as he yawned and stood up, walking into the kitchen after his friend.
Kaoru swung the fridge open, startling the redhead as he nearly hit Die in the face. “A good breakfast in the morning will help you think while you’re at school…” he stated blandly, pulling out some eggs and glaring at the sulking Die.
“You don’t have to act like my mom.” Die retorted bitterly, walking up behind Kaoru, wrapping his arms around the man’s firm waist. “Hmm…We could forget about school and have a different kind of breakfast.” He whispered eagerly, letting his breath tickle Kaoru’s sensitive spot, the older man’s ear.
Kaoru frowned, resisting the redhead’s charm and continuing to make breakfast. “Die, I’m not going to have sex with you, stop bothering me about that.” His voice was stern and calm, telling Die not to mess around with him anymore.
“But why not? I was good last night, I didn’t drink!” Die stated indignantly, unlatching himself from Kaoru’s body and taking a seat instead on a stool by the kitchen counter.
Kaoru raised one eyebrow and Die sulked more. “Ok, so maybe I had one beer, but I didn’t get drunk. Doesn’t that stand for something?” He inquired hopefully, but his hope was instantly shot down by another glare from Kaoru.
Kaoru cracked a couple of eggs into a frying pan and stirred them. He wasn’t much of a cook, but scramble eggs were easy enough for him to handle in the morning. It was Die that was what was really frustrating him.
“Die, you are 16. I’m 19. Go out and find someone that it’s legal with.” He stated tetchily, reaching for some bread to stick in the toaster.
Die huffed and crossed his arms, looking hurt. “So, you wouldn’t mind me having promiscuous sex with strangers?”
Kaoru looked up from what he was doing, suddenly feeling much more upset than he had actually been earlier. “That’s not what I meant.” He muttered, a deep frown settling on his features.
Die grinned broadly. “You’ve got it for me bad, honey. You just don’t see it yet.”
“Don’t call me that.” Kaoru insisted, but he had considerably mellowed. He looked up at Die’s smirking face, suddenly just a little happy that the silly redhead was there.
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Please comment? I’m bedridden after having oral surgery and am in a lot of pain. >.< Wah, I have no shame.
If you want you can just friend this journal if you don't mind other ramblings as well. >.>
Prologue
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Interlude
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight *new*
Note: I’m sorry this is so short and it has been many days since my last post. I’m been feeling kinda down. My life has been getting kinda life-y lately, and I don’t know how to deal with the life-ness. So, not much happens in this chapter, but it’ll get me propelled into the next one.
Warnings: Some sexual situations. ToshiyaxShinya-ness (sorry…they ARE still together in this story)
AFF deleted my account, so I’ll only being posting my slash here I guess. They didn’t even send me an e-mail as to why, so I’m rather sad. But you lj-ers are so much nicer to me anyway!
:-:-:
Wrist-Cut Show
Chapter Four
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Kyo gazed at Shinya as if he had been stunned, mesmerized by the soggy tears that were gradually gathering in the brunette’s eyes and quietly spilling over to carve small tracks down his perfect cheeks.
“Stop crying.” He heard himself choke out bluntly, gripping Shinya’s slender shoulders roughly with his coarse hands. Kyo had never been able to handle it when women cried; Shinya looked so much like a beautiful woman. Those tears, the weeping, it brought back painful memories, memories that Kyo couldn’t handle resurfacing right now.
Shinya looked up at him in noiseless confusion, unable to get a handle on his erratic emotions. A small sob escaped his lips. He watched as Kyo retracted his body suddenly from Shinya’s as though he had been stung. Shinya didn’t understand what was going on. What he was supposed to do? Why was Kyo so upset?
Shinya couldn’t help but notice the look of horror taking over Kyo’s features. Could he see it to? Kyo’s eyes bore into him as if they were reading him, every single sickening detail that he wanted so desperately to hide. Shinya averted his guilty eyes. No, he didn’t want anyone else to see. Kyo was judging him, they were all judging him. He hadn’t wanted another one to hate him, to look at him with angry eyes full of revulsion. They wouldn’t understand. They would hurt him. They would hate him. Kyo would hate him.
“Please…” Shinya murmured repentantly, reaching one petite hand out as though waiting for the other boy to take it. Kyo stared at Shinya’s hand that extended towards him with an anomalous glint in his eyes before he scrambled quickly off the bed.
“Get away!” he bellowed piercingly, his eyes blazing with unrefined emotion. There was an uncultivated tone in his voice, so much raw anger. It terrified Shinya as he fearfully watched Kyo storm down the hall and out of sight.
Shinya sat dejectedly on his ruffled bed sheets, a sickening feeling gathering in the pit of his stomach. He could hear the sounds of Kyo furiously banging around in the room next door, but Shinya’s mind had slipped beyond caring. He was too preoccupied by the feeling of disgust that was speedily working its way though his throbbing body, wracking his thin frame with new shivers.
His hands gripped fretfully on the smooth wood of the bedside table, accidentally knocking a number of items over in his haste to obtain his cell phone from where it was charging. He quickly pressed ‘2’, thankful that Toshiya had had the foresight to program his speed dial. He wasn’t sure if he would’ve lasted long enough to dial each individual number. He listened to the customary ringing; begging that his boyfriend would pick up the phone regardless of the fact that it was the middle of the night. Shinya’s hands were trembling terribly and he didn’t know how much longer he could hold this out.
“Hello?” finally came Toshiya’s sleepy voice fuzzily from the other line. The man sounded tetchy and Shinya silently pleaded with whatever god was listening that Toshiya would listen to him. Shinya could hear the sounds of Toshiya shuffling around in the background, but he didn’t take the extra moment to think about it.
“Totchi, please…” Shinya implored, his voice feeble as he spoke into his phone, curling himself into a tight ball. His breath was coming in faster and faster, he could feel it gripping chokingly onto him. He wasn’t going to last, he wasn’t going to make it.
“Shinya? What’s wrong?!” Toshiya was suddenly wide awake, his voice edged deeply with concern. Shinya did not sound well at all. Besides that, Shinya hadn’t called him Totchi since they were young, and it worried him to hear his old nickname pop back up out of the blue.
“God, Totchi.” Shinya felt himself begin to sob, unable to keep himself silent any longer. The pressure building up inside his chest did not want to be quelled and would not stand to be quieted.
“Just please…” His voice died on him and he couldn’t stop his sobs from wracking his entire frame. He couldn’t find the words to describe this desolating aching that was pressing down so hard onto him, enveloping him in this throbbing that settled deep into the core of his chest.
“Damn it, Shinya? Tell me!” Toshiya inquired urgently into the phone, his hands feeling sweaty on the plastic and metal of its frame. All he could manage to hear were sounds and incomprehensible murmuring before he heard a loud bang and the sounds became softer. He couldn’t help but let worry flood his mind.
Shinya let his phone slip from his trembling hands as he sprinted from his bed with a sudden burst of frightened energy. The sound of Toshiya’s voice only filled him with guilt rather than comforted him. There was no on else that could ever help him with this problem. They couldn’t stop the feeling, the sensation that it was all over him, touching him and reaching inside of him. He could smell it all around; all he could see was covered in the oozing crimson.
His stomach clenched and he barely made it to the toilet before he started to retch, a wave of agony rolling through his stomach. A small amount of bile and saliva passed over his lips, reminding him that he had not eaten in quite a while and had nothing in there to vomit. The quivers in his stomach would not cease though, and he gripped the edge of the porcelain toilet, his knuckles turning white as his body refused to stop its dry retching. Tears pricked at the corners of Shinya’s eyes as his body finally halted and he was able to gratefully sink down onto the floor.
Why did everything have to suddenly be dredged up again? Those memories, searing into his mind, taking his semblance of calm which he had slowly been building up and ripping it completely and utterly apart.
Shinya crawled slowly across the floor until he reached the shower, pulling himself despairingly into it without bothering to remove his clothes. He didn’t have the time, and he doubted he had the energy either. Reaching one shaking hand up, Shinya flipped on the hot water, shivering as the searing spray slowly began to soak his trembling body, and he held his thin legs tightly against himself.
“Totchi please…” His eyelids slid closed miserably, his lips murmuring softly those words over and over again as the scorching water singed his back. “I don’t want to be alone.”
:-:-:
Toshiya pulled his jeans on as quickly as he could, throwing on an old t-shirt on and only looking in the mirror long enough to make sure that no lipstick was still smeared across his face. A hand reached out to grab his arm in protest, but he quickly shoved it away, not in the mood to deal with his one night stand who had decided to stay past their welcome.
He was glad that his mother wasn’t around. She had actually left him alone for once while she had gone off to spend some time with her new boyfriend. He quickly grabbed his keys off the kitchen counter where he had thrown them and got into his rusty old car.
It didn’t take long for him to navigate the clear night streets and make his way up to the house. He quietly parked in the driveway, noticing that the light was on in Shinya’s room. Instead of heading to the front door as seemed the ‘right’ thing to do, he headed around back where Shinya’s window was. If Shinya had called him this meant that he probably didn’t want Tarou involved in this and it wasn’t like Toshiya hadn’t snuck into Shinya’s room plenty of times before when they were neighbors.
Toshiya hefted himself through the window as quietly as possible and looked around cautiously. He could hear the sound of running water echoing dismally across the abnormally disorganized room. He swiftly rushed over to the bathroom, gasping slightly when he saw the trembling mess that was Shinya huddled on the tiled floor of the shower.
“Oh, Shin-chan.” Toshiya murmured mournfully, hurriedly turning off the water and putting one hand timorously on Shinya’s soaked shoulder. The brunette felt so hot, and steam was still billowing out of the bottom floor of the shower.
Shinya felt a light touch on his shoulder and he shuddered, looking up, his wet bangs plastered to his pale face, to see Toshiya leaning cagily over him.
“Totchi…” he murmured his arms reaching out as soon as his eyes locked onto that familiar body. The sight of a familiar friendly face was something he deeply desired at this moment. There was a part of him that only wanted to be held, by anyone really, and to be reassured. His soft pleading voice successfully tore at Toshiya’s heart and delivered the message, “Please…don’t leave me.”
Toshiya kneeled down onto the floor, pulling Shinya’s wet body in his arms, stroking Shinya’s head with delicate fingers, brushing through soggy locks of hairs. “What happened?” he murmured, concern thickly coating his generally cheerful voice.
Shinya could say nothing, too choked back by emotions that he couldn’t grasp control of. One shaky hand gripped distraughtly onto Toshiya’s t-shirt, the fabric slowly becoming soaked by being pressed against Shinya’s frame.
It had been a long time since Shinya had had a breakdown this dire. Toshiya had witnessed previous ones, but never had he been expected to deal with them all by himself before. Where the hell was Tarou? Why hadn’t Shinya called to him?
It was hard for Toshiya to deal with this, but the look in Shinya’s eyes caught something deep inside of him. They pleaded so badly that he couldn’t refuse. He warily dragged Shinya’s form from the pool of water, prying the wet clothes from Shinya’s body as the brunette curled tighter against Toshiya’s body. Shinya looked right now so much like a beaten child that it was slightly alarming for Toshiya.
“Do you love me?” an anxious but timid voice questioned, and Toshiya looked up from where he was pulling off Shinya’s soaked panties. Toshiya blushed, not wanting to be asked such a question while he doing what he was.
“Of course I do. Is it alright if I go find you some more clothes though?” Toshiya asked, as he made a small movement to leave and Shinya began to tremble slightly.
He waited for Shinya’s nod of approval before he pulled a blanket around Shinya’s shoulders. He stood from where he had placed Shinya on the bed and turned to rummage through Shinya’s drawers from some more clothes.
“Do you have any underwear besides panties anymore?” Toshiya mumbled as he grabbed the un-sexiest pair he could find. This was the worst time ever to be, well you know, but there was a very naked Shinya in bed right now and he was a teenager after all.
“Can you dress yourself?” Toshiya asked, as he re-approached Shinya with the clothes in hand.
Shinya gave Toshiya a look that reminded him a lot of a kicked puppy and Toshiya flinched. “Ok, ok.” He muttered exasperatedly.
His hands went to pull the shirt over Shinya’s head, but a hand pressing against his own chest stopped him. Toshiya looked up at Shinya in confusion as that hand slipped up inside Toshiya’s own shirt and rubbed slowly over his skin. Shinya’s eyes were unfocused and glazed over, and Toshiya didn’t trust him one bit.
“Shin, stop…” he made to say, but the brunette had leaned forward and pressed his lips lightly to the other boy’s.
Thin fingers traced their way up Toshiya’s chest as Shinya leaned closer forward intensifying the kiss, his naked limbs working their way around Toshiya’s body. Toshiya moaned slightly, he had forgotten how good that slim waist felt in his hands, that slender body held in arms, that beautiful mouth on his. Yes, this is why he never wanted to be separated from Shinya and his utter enthusiasm to give himself.
Toshiya groaned approvingly as one of those timid hands began to wander farther down to his groin and those lips detached from his mouth to graze against his earlobe.
“Stay tonight and you can fuck me.” It wasn’t a request, it wasn’t a demand, it was a plead. Toshiya knew Shinya wasn’t in any mood to have sex, not even the brunette’s body was showing signs of wanting it. While Toshiya was rapidly hardening in Shinya’s hand, he could very much feel that Shinya was not by the feel of their bodies pressed together.
With a deep sigh, Toshiya pulled Shinya’s hand out of his pants, trying not to grimace and ashamed of how quickly he had almost succumbed to Shinya’s gentle ministrations.
“I’ll stay here…just…” He looked into Shinya’s eyes which were slowly coming back to life. “…Let’s sleep instead. We have school tomorrow.”
Shinya smiled shakily, and Toshiya leaned down to kiss his forehead gently. Shinya really deserved so much better than him.
:-:-:
Kyo sat despondently on his bed in a state of semi-shock. It had been a while since he’d had a flash-back that shocking. What was it about that damn Shinya that brought back those painful memories? Those trusting eyes that asked to be loved, those warm soft eyes that no boy should have? Why was he crying? Why did he scream? Why did he shake and beg with such weakness? It stirred up a mixture of aching feelings inside of him, feelings that he could only quell by reacting with anger and skepticism.
There was no one. Sitting in that cold new room, Kyo’s body shivering feverishly as he moved to stare out his large window and out onto the dark streets below. He remembered sitting like this many times before in his previous homes, one hand pressed against the glass, trapped in this nightmare of a life with no escape route.
There was a diminutive glow on the horizon, growing steadily brighter over the tops of crisp city buildings. The streetlamps slowly blinked out one by one as the morning ate at the edges of the night’s domain. It was a feeble time, the point between light and dark fading, Kyo’s eyes fixated on the pale presence of the moon that refused to vanish with the coming dawn. The cacophony of life was just beginning to become once again as it escaped from the quiet night’s grasp.
“Mother…I’ll become something beautiful…and then I’ll join you…where I belong.” He spoke solemnly to the darkness.
Kyo’s fingers brushed tenderly over the deep scar on his wrist, leaning down to brush his lips in a kiss against the scarred flesh. Now all he could do was to bring out that blade and carve his promise into his skin, mesmerized by the crimson tears he bled.
Looking up to see his reflection in the glass, he couldn’t stop staring at the face he hated, that ugly, ugly shell that claimed to be himself. He wasn’t that image, he hadn’t become that…only on the outside. Yet, in this perverse world, that was all that really mattered. At this rate, he would never amount to anything in her eyes.
It wasn’t that he had asked for much. He hadn’t thought it’d been such a huge request. Just a little kind word here or there, just a little touch of familiarity and encouragement. He had just…wanted to gain a little of her love, so why had it been so hard?
“You look just like your father.”
Then why wouldn’t she love him?
“I hate him. That bastard, you’re like him too.”
He just wanted to close his eyes and embrace darkness that was escaping him.
“I know what he does to you. You deserve it.”
:-:-:
Trapped thinking of pointless things
Taken over by the memory
Of what I’ve already had
:-:-:
Kaoru woke that morning to find something warm had wrapped itself around him and was currently breathing hotly on his neck. He sighed exasperatedly and attempted to pry the offending arms from around his neck, but the redhead simply groaned, and squeezed his friend tighter.
"Die..." Kaoru cautioned grouchily, but his warning was promptly ignored.
Die took this chance to instead brush his lips against the skin of Kaoru's smooth neck, licking his slightly sweaty skin and murmuring sleepily, "You taste good."
Kaoru rolled his eyes at his friend’s behavior and glanced over at his clock on the bedside table. It was already six thirty-six in the morning.
"Die…did you turn off my alarm again?" Kaoru asked with aggravation, prying a rebellious Die from where he had started to suck languidly on Kaoru’s skin.
Die blinked up at him groggily with a slight pout on tired face. “I just wanted to spend the morning in bed with you.” He said in a sickeningly sweet voice.
Kaoru rolled his eyes once again, and sat up, causing Die to fall off the bed with a not-too-graceful thump. Kaoru looked crossly down at Die who was grumbling irritably, sitting on the floor in nothing but his silky boxers. Kaoru’s eyes grazed unwillingly over the boy’s firm chest, the smooth skin and the slight ribs that had begun to poke through it. That boy was really starting to get skinny.
“I’m making breakfast.” Kaoru stated abruptly as he stood up and walked past Die into the other room. “And stop sleeping in my bed. I said you could have the couch.”
“What’s the special occasion?” Die asked ignoring the latter comment as he yawned and stood up, walking into the kitchen after his friend.
Kaoru swung the fridge open, startling the redhead as he nearly hit Die in the face. “A good breakfast in the morning will help you think while you’re at school…” he stated blandly, pulling out some eggs and glaring at the sulking Die.
“You don’t have to act like my mom.” Die retorted bitterly, walking up behind Kaoru, wrapping his arms around the man’s firm waist. “Hmm…We could forget about school and have a different kind of breakfast.” He whispered eagerly, letting his breath tickle Kaoru’s sensitive spot, the older man’s ear.
Kaoru frowned, resisting the redhead’s charm and continuing to make breakfast. “Die, I’m not going to have sex with you, stop bothering me about that.” His voice was stern and calm, telling Die not to mess around with him anymore.
“But why not? I was good last night, I didn’t drink!” Die stated indignantly, unlatching himself from Kaoru’s body and taking a seat instead on a stool by the kitchen counter.
Kaoru raised one eyebrow and Die sulked more. “Ok, so maybe I had one beer, but I didn’t get drunk. Doesn’t that stand for something?” He inquired hopefully, but his hope was instantly shot down by another glare from Kaoru.
Kaoru cracked a couple of eggs into a frying pan and stirred them. He wasn’t much of a cook, but scramble eggs were easy enough for him to handle in the morning. It was Die that was what was really frustrating him.
“Die, you are 16. I’m 19. Go out and find someone that it’s legal with.” He stated tetchily, reaching for some bread to stick in the toaster.
Die huffed and crossed his arms, looking hurt. “So, you wouldn’t mind me having promiscuous sex with strangers?”
Kaoru looked up from what he was doing, suddenly feeling much more upset than he had actually been earlier. “That’s not what I meant.” He muttered, a deep frown settling on his features.
Die grinned broadly. “You’ve got it for me bad, honey. You just don’t see it yet.”
“Don’t call me that.” Kaoru insisted, but he had considerably mellowed. He looked up at Die’s smirking face, suddenly just a little happy that the silly redhead was there.
:-:-:
Please comment? I’m bedridden after having oral surgery and am in a lot of pain. >.< Wah, I have no shame.
If you want you can just friend this journal if you don't mind other ramblings as well. >.>