Right, so, as I type this, my fuckhead of a husband is packing all our shit into his yellow submarine where we have had many a sexual rendezvous. Hell, are they any rendezvous besides sexual ones? I think not. We're going to sail off Arda and be like Elwing and Eärendil except a lot more vicious and horny. Along with that whole minor detail of ' ( Read more... )

Sex is good.

Angry loud sex in the parallel universe apartment where my mun forced me to live with my incompetent, retarded, yet stupidly attractive husband is better.

Another fucking freeloader who already made a comment on my rack.

My husband's brother. Nothing good EVER spawned from that damn house. Bah.

So when Bergil said he wanted me to come down to his little tv studio to do some mother-son bonding, I didn't think he dragged me there to put me on a TV show surrounded by fuck ups to prove I was the biggest fuck up. I mean, it's obvious he is the biggest fuck up out of the whole line up of unexpected guests, but gah. What a mother will do to ( Read more... )

I heard the fucker has a yellow submarine. Pick me up at the docks of the Anduin in fifteen minutes and we'll have submarine sex.

Meanwhile, I want some fucking grandchildren. "She's not Glory", "I want Glory", blah blah blah. I want a husband who's not a total fucking bastard but we're not getting what we want so YOU will go and FUCK YOUR WIFE ( Read more... )

She drives up in a red Corvette with Beregond by her side and two other companions in the backseat - one is her son Bergil and the other is this elf.


( Read more... )

My mission to search Faramir out and destroy him has failed. I have been thwarted by the cinemas by my unnatural desire to watch out their limited screenings of the film North.Noooooooooooooooooorth ( Read more... )

Faramir and Beregond are 'in hiding'.

They are in Ann Larimer's basement under assumed names wearing fake beards and mustaches. They look like Mexican undertakers.

Perhaps I will kill Faramir with a toothpick and save everyone the trouble.

Except that would be so messy.

That idiot has run off to Valinor or somesuch like the dog on the leash that he is with his even dumber master. Arf fucking arf, Berry, you realise you're protecting a useless entity, don't you?

What amazed me also was the fucker's little speech about how disgusting pregnancy is. Ha! He doesn't give a fuck about my little blue-eyed precious now, ( Read more... )

I AM MARRIED.

Finally.

I was getting a bad reputation. And now if the bastard divorces me, I can squeeze him fucking dry for every cent and shred of dignity he has left.

... I love you, Beregond.