i wonder to myself why do i keep telling myself i am ok when i am not.it is like this big lie i have ben telling for 7 years.why am i so depressed anyways what do i have to be depressed about i mean everyone else's problems are alot bigger than mine are and they seem to get over them fine.i have cried twice sence i said i was gonna make myself ( Read more... )

today was bad all except for one part.i got up and i had to go with mom into my grandma house and when i asked if i could stay the night my mother coulden't give me a clear reason she just mumbled reason's that had nothing to do with it.then we had to leave and i got home and mom left for her church meeting.and then like an hour later i heard that ( Read more... )

today hasen't ben very much i woke up at 5:00 p.m i was freaking out cause i thought it was like 12 or something and i had planned to do some stuff today,and when i got up mom had managed to make both computers in the house start acting up so i had to go and fix them and then i got online and started up my music just now. thats pretty much it.

hmm today was interesting everything went wrong today,first we woke up and i found out that my ff7 game did not work anymore then i messed it up more trying to use one of those cd fixer things,anyways so i was bored cause there was nothin to do so i got onto lance's comp at his house and his lil brother desided it would be fun to scan his head so ( Read more... )

today was a normal day i got up and lance had to get ready for the parade,i diden't get to see him in it like i wanted to but ohwell no biggy.well then after we left the parade to go pick lance up he was not there. we looked everywhere and then when his mom finally desided to give up we found him on the way home .well then we came back to the house ( Read more... )

well u have ben expressing myself not to well but better thatn before i don't think i will have alot of bad thoughts anymore, i tell you one thing though nobody thought i was the kinda person that could go that far.no one knows still except lance and suzie.well anyways i am doing really well and looking forward towards the future instead of behind ( Read more... )

i am feeling alot better.i haven't ben able to cry sence that night but i am expressing myself alot better,partly by yelling alot. mom finally found out why i can't sleep when she looked at my back. one side of my back is swollen. i say it is my shoulder blade out of place or something but my mother said it is damaged nerves and muscles well ( Read more... )

well i never thought i would come this far in the depression thing but i did and i finally did one of those bad things i was thinking about doing to myself.i am gonna have to wear long sleeved shirt tomarrow because she will not be pleased if my arm swells up with what i did to it.

well i am crying right now.i am having a breakdown.all i can think about is november/december.why was i so stupid i wish i haden't ben so stupid.
i don't think this lj is helping me very much maybe it is making me worse
i don't know .

i woke up today and had 30 min to get ready for wayne to pick me up mom fixed me breakfast like 15 before he arrived.that peanut butter toast did not taste right.then i worked on alot of hard stuff and then came home and got online and got off and got on and got off etc. oh also all day i have ben having the sudden moments when i lose all balance ( Read more... )