we are a family in decline ( Read more... )

ok things have settled down from the constant grief panic of the last few weeks where i thought my mom was dying for sure ( Read more... )

i've been in a state of constant panic for the last several days. a physically draining fight or flight mode that doesnt seem to turn off. i wake up in the middle of the night and cry worrying about my mom. i wake up at 2am, 4am, 6am and rush over in the morning because i worry she's in bed too weak to get a drink. my brother is shutting down and ( Read more... )

they looked out at the antenna farm, the red blinking lights jutting out here and there amongst the hills ( Read more... )

i repeat stories ( Read more... )

i have idle thoughts in passing and realized it's been a while since i felt i had a place to put them. whether here, or in a person, or in art ( Read more... )

i saw alice wu's "half of it" yesterday. and watched it grinning so hard my face kinda hurt after. i miss a lot of things lately, but i miss conversations and the weird closeness that develops between people that wouldn't know each other ( Read more... )

i actually forget about coronavirus sometimes. except when i walk dubu and i stare and hate count the people without masks on. but korea in many ways has gone back to normal. dread and scare but you can go out and people are milling around. there's a lot more people without masks on these days in korea. went from 95-99% to i'd say maybe 80-90. ( Read more... )

i am fine by the way. clearing the head a bit. and literally trying to warm my hands up.

i do a lot of self checks. self diagnosis. how much energy did it really take to get out of bed? am i being lazy or just can't write? how well am i eating? how much energy do i have to try and maintain some normal. how glad am i that there's no witnesses to see my daily me. if i started talking about my feelings would i burst into tears? if i made ( Read more... )