among the things i noticed re-reading 7 yrs of posts were little changes in how i would talk about things. some things were bad, like knowing there's more career risk out there, more intersnooping, more exposure, that makes it harder to be honest or talk about things like i used to. age prob factors into that as well ( Read more... )

i'm about 30 pages now into this draft. i'm starting to recognize a few things about my writing, most of which are kinda discouraging, esp the part that i only really finish drafts after agonizing over months on three other script ideas before finally popping thru on a completely unrelated idea i had simmering for years and years which seemed to ( Read more... )

i actually got 21 pages out on new year's eve. so by dinnertime i convinced myself i deserved a beer or two and took dubu to the bar ( Read more... )

for new year's eve last year, i didn't go out. i spent the night with my mom at the tiny apartment in suji that she and my dad had rented for their korea trip. two days before the flight out, she got diagnosed with cancer. and my dad and brother left to go take care of things in texas for the end of the year. leaving just us two. so i could keep ( Read more... )

the world is a much quieter place with my mom gone. i think a lot of my inner monologue about doing things, succeeding, making parents proud, was really about her. i don't care as much what my dad thinks of me. esp now that he's just kinda devolved into a shell of himself that's cranky and short-sighted. he's become a sort of id. it's age and ( Read more... )

my car was blocked in by a random neighbor who wouldn't pick up their phone. i tried seven times and then gave up on the idea of making a costco run for groceries. and yet the neighborhood grocery store felt too far away ( Read more... )

my input is bad and poorly curated ( Read more... )

the tricky thing about writing is finding characters that actually start to feel like people you can spend time with in your head. i imagine pharmaceuticals also help once you start to leave the brain plasticity of youth that lets you get lost in your own thoughts for hours at a time ( Read more... )

my mom died on the 13th of aug. around 11pm. tho i had to look it up just now bc i guess enough time has passed for those details to shift one way or the other. it was a thursday. which i remember not for any particular reason. we had to count off 7 weeks of 7 for the 49 day period of spirit wandering the earth according to something. either ( Read more... )

it's final days they think. like within the next 24 hrs they'll let us know if they think my mom has days left or weeks left. which is an odd thing to root for but i want those weeks. tho not if my mom is just drifting in and out of pain and consciousness. i guess i want those weeks if we can get mom back for a few of those days where she can clean ( Read more... )