Chaotic, confused, distorted, im sitting here trying to figure out if i can do better than brandon...everyone tells me i can, but i feel like he is the one for me...i think he is the best i could do...i really do think i love him...I try to find the best in everyone...but even though he did such horrible things, i just couldnt see the bad in him... ( Read more... )

Let your tears come. Let them water your soul. Love is the flower of life, and blossoms unexpectedly and without law, and must be plucked where it is found, and enjoyed for the brief hour of its duration. That is all it is...brief...never lasting. I have now realized that i will love again, but as it did before it will eventually die out and i ( Read more... )

I woke up today not wanting to come to the realization that i was still here...its like an illusion...im not here emotionally or mentally,so it feels as if im imagining every aspect of the world around me ( Read more... )

Trying to decide on where to live...no matter where i go i know i will not be happy...i know that death is not the answer...but that seems like the only thing that will get me out of my misery...i cant really think of anything that i should live for...my family doesn't really care...friends will eventually get over the pain, and brandon could care ( Read more... )

I have not found a way to make myself happy...although i have found a way to hide my pain with a fake smile...everyone thinks im happy..or at least i think they do...i dont know what else i could do...i am nothing more than a girl in love...but also a girl in agony ( Read more... )

I dont know if things will get better...but i know now that i have two options...i can either end my pain or try to live with it...if i try to live with it that means never sleeping...never eating...always crying and always thinking of dying...i dont know if that is the way i want to live...i dont even know if i want to live anymore...not just ( Read more... )

Still wishing for things to get better...still wanting him to realize i never did any of the things people are saying...i dont know what i can do now...ive tried everything...im too scared to talk to him...i knew it was too good to be true...i knew i could never be loved...maybe he used me...maybe he just needed an excuse to get out...but if that ( Read more... )

I took my dads pistol last night...i put it to my head and cocked it...i couldnt pull the trigger though...i knew i wouldnt be able to do it...but deep down i really wanted to...i have no control over my life anymore...the one i love is drifting slowly away from me...he's never going to come back...i wish things would work out...this really sux ( Read more... )

Amber talked to Jessie for me...told her that she needs to fix the shit she started...Amber is also going to try to talk to him for me...she is honestly the best friend i could ever ask for...except kayla...cuz she talks to me and consoles me when i need someone to be there...and im there for her...why is everything so fucked up...i hope things get ( Read more... )

I still havent slept...I still havent eaten...and i still havent talked to him...I cry all the time...i go home sit up locked up in my room listening to music thinking of him...i cant even think at school...there is nothing i can do to sleep...drugs dont work...alcohol dont work...nothing works...all i do is think...i cant function...im like a ( Read more... )