Life and Breath Part 19
Title: Life and Breath
Author: Pink Rabbit Productions
Fandom: Guiding Light
Pairing: Olivia/Natalia
Part: 19
Date: 15 August, 2009
Rating: Personally, I'd call it an R, but some might consider it NC-17 at some point.
Disclaimer: The characters and situations belong to other folks far wealthier, more important (or at least with better lawyers), and hopefully more charitable and kinder than I. They include, but are not necessarily limited to CBS, Proctor and Gamble, and Telenext. The actual arrangement of words, however, remains my own as do any original characters. Meanwhile, there is likely to be all female romantic and sexual activity ahead, so if this is likely to get you, me, or anybody else arrested should you take a gander, please move along. Also, if you find that sort of thing offensive, you really probably shouldn't hang around anyplace I'm posting. Just sayin'....
Archiving: The Pink Rabbit Consortium
Spoilers: Some early scenes definitely, plus anything through the spa trip is fair game.
Timeline: Unlike some folks, I don't have an exact scene where this one takes off. However, it's definitely set after the spa trip, but before Rafe's release from the halfway house. Oh, and it's after Natalia admits she's in love with Olivia to Father Ray.
Earlier Parts: | Part 1 (Prologue) | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 |
Life and Breath
by Pink Rabbit Productions
Part 19
Natalia peered at her phone for a long moment after it was closed as though she could still draw strength from the woman on the other end of the broken connection. "You can do this," she whispered to nerve herself up, then consciously straightened her shoulders and climbed out of her car, just barely resisting the temptation to call Olivia back in search of a little more reassurance. Knowing perfectly well that Olivia would give her permission to come in late, she'd held off calling until she was parked in front of the halfway house. Somehow, the sound of Olivia's voice, warm and loving, still fresh in her ears made it a little easier to walk authoritatively up to the front door.
Rafe answered before she had a chance to knock. He was clean shaven and not so scruffy looking as he had been there for awhile, wearing chinos and a button-down shirt and looking more like a college student than the street thug chic he'd favored not so long ago.
A fast hug, and then she pulled back, grinning at his new look. "Very sharp," she said through a grin as she tugged lightly on his shirt front.
A smirk curved his mouth as he shrugged. "Ken...my P.O., he scheduled me into some kinda class on getting through a job interview later today...they gave us guidelines on how to dress." He pulled at his collar, clearly uncomfortable.
"Well, I think you look really good," she said in an effort to bolster the effort.
He shrugged again. "So what's up?" he questioned. "Aren't you supposed to be at work?"
She laughed, though there was a hint of stress to the sound. "We hardly got to talk last night...and I didn't have anything on my schedule this morning." She turned an overbright smile his way as he continued to stare at her with a nonplused expression. "What, can't I visit my only son?"
A frown creased his brow. "Yeah, sure, Ma...it's just kinda unusual, that's all." He scratched the back of his neck as he peered at her. "You seem a little stressed. Is Olivia working you too hard?" he asked suspiciously.
"No," she said instantly. "Actually, the hours are great...I love the job...and the paycheck is a fantastic improvement."
His lips pursed. He no longer hated Olivia with the passion he had once upon a time, but he was hardly her biggest fan.
"And..." she continued, ignoring his pout as she caught one of his hands in hers, "...she's very reasonable if I need some personal time." She was just drawing breath to add a few more comments when Ken Graham, Rafe's on-site parole officer, appeared in the doorway.
"Ms. Rivera." Not a lot taller than her, he was a stocky man with a solid chest and biceps and a serious manner.
All probably necessary in his line of work, she knew, but also a little intimidating. "Mr. Graham," she said as she directed a polite smile his way. She'd already cleared the visit through the counselor on duty that morning, but Ken was handling Rafe's actual case and every time she saw him, she felt a frisson of trepidation, a sense of having done something wrong, even though she was never sure what. Again, probably a necessary skill in his line of work, but intimidating.
He offered a perfunctory smile in return. "Would you mind stopping by my office before you leave? There's an issue I wanted to discuss with you."
"Of course," she said instantly. She drew a breath to ask what it was about, but he'd already retreated from the door, disappearing back into the house. A little worried, she turned a questioning gaze on her son, but he just shook his head dismissively.
"Probably tryin' to get you involved in somethin'," he muttered. "They're trying to organize more stuff for families 'n' stuff."
A pleased smile curved her lips. "I think that's great."
He just shrugged.
Okay, so apparently the sharp dress mode hadn't carried over to his attitude as much as she would have liked. She fought the urge to heave a sigh and instead settled a hand on his arm and gestured to the picnic table that sat off in the side yard of the halfway house. "Why don't we have a seat."
Casting a vaguely suspicious glance her way, he crossed to the table and sat.
"So, how are things going?" she asked as she took a seat across the table. She'd been asking steadily over the phone, but he wasn't always terribly communicative, and she'd hoped that the counseling services at the house would help him with his various problems.
"S'okay," he mumbled. "The community service stuff is kinda boring, but some of the classes are okay. I'm close to getting my GED."
"That's so great, Rafe," Natalia said as she turned a dimpled smile his way. "I'm so proud of you."
He ducked his head, fingers moving in random patterns on the aluminum table top. "It's not that big a deal."
"Yes, it is," she disagreed. "Y'know, I never finished high school because of-"
"Me," he broke in unhappily.
"No," she said firmly. "It was everything...and I wouldn't change the choices I made...because they gave me you," she added quietly. "But it's a lot harder out there without that piece of paper, and so I think it's great you're getting it...and I'm proud of you, because I know how hard it can be to discipline yourself and follow through when you aren't in school." She paused for just a second, then added in her most sincere voice, "I just want the best for you, Rafe."
He nodded. "I know," he admitted, feeling churlish and small. Looking up, he saw the hopeful expression on her face and wanted nothing more than to see more pleasure and pride. It had been so damned long since he felt like he'd done right by his ma. He looked back down, knowing she'd be pleased with where his thoughts were going, but having spent so much time around men who regarded certain things as a sign of weakness. "Ken had some college counselor in a couple of days ago," he said at last. "We talked and he went over my records. He says my grades 'n' test scores are high enough, but...." He trailed off as it all swept over him, speaking the words aloud making them seem real and hopelessly foolish, like a child's dream about a shining castle on a hill. He shook his head disgustedly. "Forget it."
"Rafe," Natalia said as she reached out, settling a hand over her son's. "Do you want to go to college?"
"It doesn't matter," he ground out without looking up. "No way I'm gettin' a scholarship with my record...an' it's way too expensive."
She hurt for the pain and fear she saw in him. "Y'know, Rafe, I'm making a lot more money now," she reminded him. They weren't rich, but thanks to Olivia, the days of living on Ramen noodles and mac and cheese were over. "Plus there are loans... grants...and don't assume you can't get a scholarship. I've read there are a lot of them out there that don't even get used."
He looked up, his expression openly hopeful, making him look younger than he had in years. "Yeah...but..." he exhaled uncertainly.
She squeezed his hand, desperate to encourage any sign that he was moving away from the anger that had driven him for so long and left her feeling like she no longer knew her son. "If you want to go to school, we'll find a way to pay for it...but you've got to make sure you've got the grades and preparation to get in." She paused just long enough to marshal her thoughts. "I can find the money, but I can't do the work for you."
"I've been workin'," he assured her, his gaze dropping again. It wasn't cool and some of the other guys were pretty unmerciful about it, but he'd seen enough of prison to know that wasn't the future he wanted and constantly looking over his shoulder like he'd had to do while running with Harley was no answer either. He looked down again.
Seeing a possible opportunity to open up the subject of her relationship with Olivia, she began carefully, "And I know somebody I'm sure would help with finances if need be."
Rafe looked up, brow creasing into a frown. "Alan?" he questioned, surprised by the idea given how his mother generally felt about his grandfather's money, not to mention his grandfather.
"No, I was thinking of Olivia."
Snorting softly, Rafe shook his head. "Yeah, right," he sneered. Maybe she hadn't been a total bitch lately, but he couldn't forget what she'd done to his parent's marriage or the way she'd yelled at him when he'd first been arrested. Okay, she'd been right and he was treating his ma all wrong, but it was none of her business. "Olivia Spencer's gonna help me." He shook his head disdainfully at the very idea.
"Actually, I think she would," Natalia disagreed, refusing to be baited by his sarcasm, "if I asked her." She lowered her voice, trying for her most sincere tone. "She's become..." she paused momentarily, searching for the right words that wouldn't be a lie, yet not the complete truth either, "...the best friend I've ever had," she said at last. "She's family as far as I'm concerned." She saw him tense and the muscles along the line of his jaw clamp down and flex.
"Family that tried to steal your husband, your house and your wedding rings," he jeered.
Eyes flashing, Natalia tensed, but held onto her temper. Hearing anyone, even her son speak about Olivia that way triggered her instinct to defend the woman she loved, even though she knew it wouldn't help the situation. "Family that made some mistakes, yes," she allowed, "but also gave me back those rings and that house...got my money back when I lost it all...made it possible for me to buy a home...trusted me to do a job I wouldn't have even dreamed of trying to get." She dropped her voice, her tone becoming more intense as she added, "Got you out of the state penitentiary...where you were being beaten and terrorized...and into a place where you were safe." She squeezed his hand, willing him to look at her. "If she'd only done that, she'd have my gratitude...but Rafe, I honestly don't know what I would have done without her this last year."
He glared at the silvery surface of the table, running his thumbnail repeatedly over the striated indentations in the aluminum, the muscles in his jaw working as he ground his molars in frustration.
"And while she made her mistakes," Natalia added, feeling the need to remind him that Olivia wasn't the only one who'd stepped over some lines, "so did I. I nearly killed her-"
"It was her own damn fault," Rafe snarled as he looked up, all of the remembered resentments and angers on display. "If she hadn't been trying to interfere-"
"No," Natalia interrupted, her voice hard. "I should have trusted your father...and even if I didn't, I had no right to take that risk with her life. And if going after someone else's husband is unforgivable, then I'm no better than she is."
The harshness of her tone knocked him back on his heels and he just stared, eyes wide and hurting in contrast to his knotted jaw and the resentful line of his mouth.
"Sometimes you find family in places you don't expect...and it's like that for us...and I just want you to understand that."
"Fine," he muttered, though his tone made it clear it wasn't really.
"Rafe...please..." she whispered after a beat, silently willing him to give some ground.
Closing his eyes tightly, he focused on calming himself, consciously working on loosening his muscles and examining his feelings the way the counselors in the anger management class wanted. He knew Olivia had been there for his ma when he hadn't, that she'd done all of those things to help, and his ma was so forgiving that she apparently was willing to overlook some of the horrible parts of their history in favor of the better behavior. Okay, so the woman was trying and maybe he should give her credit for that. He knew his counselors would argue for some forgiveness on his part, it was hard not to resent her because it should have been his father doing those things, not her. But Gus' heart beat in Olivia's chest now and so maybe Olivia thought she had a right to take his place.
Like hell, the thought went through his head before he was even aware of it surging at the base of his brain.
We're seldom angry about what we think we're angry about.
One of the counselors had repeated the phrase like a mantra, and when he was feeling honest, Rafe had to admit there was probably some truth to it. He was angry about a whole hell of a lot of things, not the least at his father for spending his final time with Olivia and not him, and at Olivia for getting his dad's heart just like she got everything she wanted, at his ma for agreeing to give it to her. And he was angry because he'd had no say in any of it, just been forced to go along with whatever decisions they made, even though they affected him.
Maybe some of that was unfair to Olivia because even if she'd gone after his dad, she'd been sick and scared and when he died, she hadn't wanted his heart, had in fact damn near put herself in the grave with guilt over getting it. And apparently she'd tried to make up for some of the damage she'd done by looking after his ma while he was gone.
His shoulders sagged as he felt a little of the fury recede. "I get that she's done you some favors," he exhaled after a long beat. "So maybe you feel you owe her-"
"No," Natalia spoke up, refusing to hear their relationship characterized that way. "It's not like that... We don't owe each other anything." She took a deep breath, heart thudding painfully hard in her chest as she realized what she had to say to be even remotely honest, wondering even as she did so if he'd catch a glimpse of the true nature of the confession. "We do it because we're family and we love each other."
"Fine," he said again, his voice softer and more resigned than angry. "You're like sisters or whatever now...I still don't see what it has to do with me...have whatever friends you want." It was the best he could do.
Pausing to gather herself, Natalia took a deep breath, then waded in. "It's important because Olivia and I have been talking. I'm lonely out at the house, and she and Emma both hated moving out...and we both want for them to move back."
He tensed, but didn't argue. "I guess for company until I get out...yeah, I can understand that." He could wrap his brain around the notion of his ma being lonely and needing company, and it wouldn't just be Olivia. Emma would be there too and she was a good kid. Yeah, he could kinda understand that for a little while, until he got back and he and his ma were together again.
"No, Rafe," Natalia said gently. "I'm not just talking about until you get out."
Looking up, he stared at her with wide, hurt eyes. "What? You mean...." He didn't finish the question.
"We want it to be permanent," she explained quietly. "We were all a lot happier...and there's plenty of room at the farmhouse for all of us."
"You want me to live in the same house as Olivia Spencer when I'm released?" he demanded.
Slim shoulders rose and dipped in a hint of a shrug. "You adore Emma," Natalia pointed out, knowing full well that her son liked playing big brother to the girl. "And y'know, you might find that if you gave Olivia a chance, she makes a good friend."
"Yeah, she's gonna be my friend," he snorted derisively.
"Yes...she would be...if you'd let her," Natalia said firmly and squeezed his hand. "Olivia knows how much I love you...and because of that, she'd do anything for you...just like I would for Emma." She reached out, tucking a finger under his chin and drawing his head up the way she had when he was a small child. "Why do you think she called in every marker she could when you were in trouble...went to the governor himself to get you moved someplace safe?" She shook her head. "I couldn't do that, but she could...and she did...because you're my son... and that makes you part of her family. And whatever flaws Olivia has, she is profoundly loyal to her family."
He didn't understand his ma's certainty and it scared him for reasons he couldn't even begin to name and didn't want to look at too closely. "So we're all just gonna be one, big, happy family?" he questioned doubtfully.
"I'd like you to think about it at least," she pleaded, her voice low and gentle. "For my sake."
Not fair, he thought as that beseeching gaze was directed his way. It was the same look she'd used to get him to make his bed, be nice to girls when he still thought they were gross, comb his hair, go to church, and get his homework done. In short, she'd been using it his whole life.
And it still worked too.
"I-I'll try," he said at last, unable to hold the line against her silent pleading. He barely resisted the urge to stick out his tongue as he nearly gagged on his own surrender. She gave another of the little hand squeezes that reminded him of when he was a kid and scared of going to school for the first time and she'd held his hand and squeezed it just like that when he'd started to panic. It had reminded him she was there and strong and always with him and suddenly class had seemed so much less scary. So many times in the last year he'd wished she still had the power to make him feel that safe and loved again...and sometimes he resented like hell that she couldn't.
"Thank you," she said very softly, her voice bringing him back to the present.
For the briefest second, he saw her as she was, not the mother who'd always been there, impossibly strong and seemingly perfect throughout his childhood, even though when he stopped to think about it, she'd been little more than a child herself and had made plenty of mistakes along the way. Instead he saw a woman still young and pretty and at an age when plenty of people were just starting on a road-kids, homes, stable lives-that she'd been on since she was younger than he was now.
Then it all slipped away, and she was just his ma again and all the old angers and resentments were again simmering just beneath the surface. "Don't expect me to be her best friend," he warned, not exactly bitter, but close.
"I'm just asking for a little mutual respect," she sighed, careful to cover any impatience.
"Yeah...well...I'll do my best," he grumbled.
"That's all I've ever asked," she assured him, gratified when the tension in his shoulders relaxed a little. Not exactly an ideal beginning, but she'd started getting him used to the idea of them all as a family and he hadn't come completely unglued. Probably the best she could hope for this early in the game.
He looked away again, hangdog and feeling like he'd made some kind of mistake, though whether it was in being too hard-assed or in surrendering too easily, he honestly didn't know. He glanced at his watch in a bid to cover his own uncertainty. "Look, I gotta take off for that class," he said quickly, relieved when she didn't argue.
"I hope it goes really well," she said softly.
She rose in time to share another quick hug before he dashed off with a quickly mumbled "G'bye."
Heaving a sigh, she massaged the back of her neck, slowly working out the tension-induced kinks as she considered how the initial approach had gone with her son. Not exactly a resounding success, but not a grand slam failure either.
He'd promised to try and accept Olivia and he was starting to make some plans for the future. That gave her some real hope because Rafe was always at his best when he was feeling secure and like he had a path ahead of him. It was when he was at loose ends and feeling lost that he got into real trouble.
So she needed to talk to Olivia about the possibility of the Beacon starting a scholarship. That shouldn't be too hard. Any idea that brought them closer together and was also tax deductible was likely to go over well with the hotelier.
Natalia couldn't withhold a grin over the idea as she fumbled for her car keys in her rush to see Olivia and share what she'd learned.
"Ms. Rivera?"
Ken Graham's voice, polite but firm, brought her head up and she encountered a dark gaze that bordered on suspicious. She winced. Right. He'd wanted to talk to her after she was done with Rafe. "I'm sorry," she apologized quickly, feeling vaguely like a five year-old caught with her hand in the cookie jar. "I forgot you wanted to talk."
One eyebrow ticked upward doubtfully, but he didn't argue. "If you have time."
Ignoring the temptation to go on apologizing and trying to explain that she hadn't been trying to avoid him, just forgotten the meeting in her eagerness to share the good news. "Absolutely...for as long as necessary," she added briskly and turned an over-bright smile his way.
He wasn't impressed to gauge by the utter lack of expression directed back at her.
"Is there a problem?" she questioned, sudden trepidation coiling her stomach muscles into knots.
Folding his arms across his chest, he shrugged. "I'd like to avoid one," he said, his tone doing nothing to ease her rapidly accelerating worries.
"Okay," she said cautiously. "I'm all for that."
"Good...because Frank Cooper called here last night about Rafe."
Natalia frowned in confusion, so caught by surprise that she had no idea if she was supposed to say something. "I'm not sure why that's a problem," she said hesitantly after a beat.
"I'm new in town, Ms. Rivera...so I admit I don't know all the ins and outs of local politics...But I have looked at Rafe's files. It's obvious that a lot of strings have been pulled on his behalf...and it needs to stop. That kind of manipulation of the system breeds problems...a sense of entitlement in the man receiving the benefits and resentment in the others. It's not fair and it's not ethical...and I can't have it going on."
Staring at him in confusion, she shook her head slowly, then felt a wash of guilt as it occurred to her that he must have noted the initial move to get Rafe out of the state penitentiary. "If you're talking about Rafe being moved from State to a minimum security facility, yes, a friend pulled strings...but it wasn't Frank," she said, hoping honesty would blunt the issue and calm things down. They needed this man on their side. "And the mayor used him to make a political point and got him a harsher sentence than even the man he shot thought he deserved."
Graham remained stone-faced.
"He was being beaten by the other prisoners," Natalia added a little desperately as she remembered her son's bruised face and felt a rush of terror that perhaps somehow all the good would be undone and he'd wind up back in that hell just when things were going better. "The warden didn't give a damn...and I was terrified he was going to wind up dead-"
"I'm not talking about any of that," Rafe's parole officer said at last, his voice harsh.
She pulled up short, momentarily knocked silent. "Then I don't understand," she said at last, mentally going back over his initial comments. "Frank was part of the original case. Why is it a problem if he called about Rafe?"
He exhaled a short, angry sigh, giving her the sense that her response had ticked him off. "Because I'm well aware of your relationship, Ms. Rivera," he snapped impatiently. "And because his call last night had nothing to do with Rafe's case and was entirely about personal matters." He took a step forward, not quite crowding her, but close enough to be discomfiting. "I won't have you interfering with your son's case...no matter who your fiancé is."
Rocked back on her heels by the accusation, Natalia held up a hand. "Whoa," she said, her tone sharper than normal. "I haven't done anything to pull strings for Rafe while he's been here...and as for Frank and I, I broke things off months ago."
He pulled up short, apparently caught by surprise, but not yet ready to back down. "I saw the announcement on the Springfield P.D. website just a few days ago," he pointed out sharply.
"Then it's because they haven't taken it down," she shot back. "Because I assure you, Frank and I are not engaged...and in fact, I'm with someone else now."
He frowned ever so slightly and she had a sense that he was going back over whatever had been said the night before.
"Did Frank actually say we were engaged?" she demanded. He'd had some trouble letting go, but nothing that egregious. If he was telling people they were still together, she needed to have a discussion with him.
"No," he admitted after a second. "He..." he trailed off, the news shifting his interpretation of the call, though he wasn't sure exactly how yet. "He asked...some questions."
She paused for a brief second, relieved by that news. "Well, whatever Frank did, I had nothing to do with it...and as far as I know, neither did Rafe. Honestly, even if we were still together, I wouldn't ask him to step in or try and get Rafe special treatment." She reached up, massaging her temple where a headache was suddenly gathering momentum. "I know my son has problems...and as much as I want him home, he needs help...and he's made real strides here." She wanted him to understand she wasn't unrealistic about her son or the mistakes he'd made.
And when she looked up, she found his expression had shifted to thoughtful and he'd backed off a couple of steps and dropped his arms to his sides.
"And even if I worry sometimes, I know he's safe here," she added quickly, "and this is his best chance at finally getting his life straightened out." With nothing else to say, she fell silent, hoping her speech had helped her son, but terrified it had somehow made things worse.
Graham absorbed it all with little expression or comment. She hadn't reacted at all the way he'd expected, leaving him to recalculate the personal equation and sometimes that took simply stepping back and watching. "You really didn't know about Cooper's call, did you?" he asked after a long moment.
"I had no idea...but I'll speak to Frank, make sure that he understands that Rafe isn't his responsibility."
She was surprised when Rafe's P.O. shook his head. "Given what you've told me, I suggest you stay out of it," he told her. "If it happens again, I'll inform Detective Cooper that his behavior needs to stop...make him aware that I'll take it to the ethics board if he keeps pushing it."
"This shouldn't be your problem to deal with," she murmured as she ran a hand over her hair and tried to figure out what the hell she was going to say to Frank.
"Nor yours, apparently," he said sympathetically. "And frankly, it's my job to set my foot down if there's anything going on with respect to one of the men in the program...whether the problem is their behavior, or someone else's."
"But-"
"No buts." Ken was surprised to find himself sympathetic to the young woman when he'd been wholly prepared to knock her down a few pegs. He liked Rafe. The kid had problems, but he was salvageable, unlike most of the men who went through the system. Listening to Frank, Ken had thought maybe she was part of the problem, manipulating things when he needed to face the consequences. The questions about the possibility of home visits and early release had seemed like a setup for a cop boyfriend to start asking for favors. Now it was all starting to look like something else altogether. "I'll deal with the guy."
"Are you sure, because-"
"I'm sure," he said decisively.
She looked away for a brief second, visibly gathering herself. "Thank you...and thank you for everything you're doing for my son." Her mouth turned up in a watery smile. "He's actually talking about the future...maybe even college." She shook her head. "I haven't seen him like this in a long time."
"He's smart enough...and if he gets his act together, there's no reason he can't do just fine." He watched the relief in her expression, the way it ebbed and flowed as she processed it, only to have fears rise and threaten to swamp the new sensation before being pushed back again.
"Thank you," she said again.
He simply nodded, then glanced at his watch. "I've got a session with a client in ten minutes, so I need to go...but I'm glad we talked...and I got a better sense of what's going on."
Natalia nodded again, feeling a little off balance as a result of the whole conversation. "Thank you for letting me know what was going on."
"Try not to worry about it. I'll handle it if anything else comes up."
Then he headed back inside, leaving Natalia staring after him with a perplexed expression. She took a deep breath and blew it out. What the hell had Frank been up to? He'd initially nursed the notion that Olivia had tricked her somehow and he still had a chance. She thought he was over it, but maybe he was trying to prove himself in some way. It was the only explanation she could come up with, yet it didn't quite ring true. Still, she couldn't think of a better answer.
There was some temptation to call Frank and simply ask, but instinct told her it would turn into a confrontation, and the idea made her stomach coil into knots. She loathed that sort of interaction and her relationship with the detective was a complex one at best. There was guilt and shame over how she'd used him, but also a measure of resentment over his refusal to acknowledge that she was an adult who was quite capable of making up her own mind over who she wanted to be with.
No, Ken had said he'd deal with it and maybe he knew best. With no emotional ties to the situation, hopefully he was better situated to handle things calmly and maybe Frank would actually listen to him. Besides, if she was honest, she had to admit, she'd just as soon avoid the detective altogether. There were just too many bad feelings there and she wanted to get on with her life and all the good things in it.
Like Rafe mellowing toward Olivia and thinking about going to college. Using those thoughts to consciously chase away her worries, she grinned, feeling like maybe she'd get her son back for the first time in ages. That thought uppermost in her mind, she hurried off, excited to see Olivia, and worried about Frank quickly forgotten in the wake of more important matters.
* * * * * *
TBC
Author: Pink Rabbit Productions
Fandom: Guiding Light
Pairing: Olivia/Natalia
Part: 19
Date: 15 August, 2009
Rating: Personally, I'd call it an R, but some might consider it NC-17 at some point.
Disclaimer: The characters and situations belong to other folks far wealthier, more important (or at least with better lawyers), and hopefully more charitable and kinder than I. They include, but are not necessarily limited to CBS, Proctor and Gamble, and Telenext. The actual arrangement of words, however, remains my own as do any original characters. Meanwhile, there is likely to be all female romantic and sexual activity ahead, so if this is likely to get you, me, or anybody else arrested should you take a gander, please move along. Also, if you find that sort of thing offensive, you really probably shouldn't hang around anyplace I'm posting. Just sayin'....
Archiving: The Pink Rabbit Consortium
Spoilers: Some early scenes definitely, plus anything through the spa trip is fair game.
Timeline: Unlike some folks, I don't have an exact scene where this one takes off. However, it's definitely set after the spa trip, but before Rafe's release from the halfway house. Oh, and it's after Natalia admits she's in love with Olivia to Father Ray.
Earlier Parts: | Part 1 (Prologue) | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 |
Life and Breath
by Pink Rabbit Productions
Part 19
Natalia peered at her phone for a long moment after it was closed as though she could still draw strength from the woman on the other end of the broken connection. "You can do this," she whispered to nerve herself up, then consciously straightened her shoulders and climbed out of her car, just barely resisting the temptation to call Olivia back in search of a little more reassurance. Knowing perfectly well that Olivia would give her permission to come in late, she'd held off calling until she was parked in front of the halfway house. Somehow, the sound of Olivia's voice, warm and loving, still fresh in her ears made it a little easier to walk authoritatively up to the front door.
Rafe answered before she had a chance to knock. He was clean shaven and not so scruffy looking as he had been there for awhile, wearing chinos and a button-down shirt and looking more like a college student than the street thug chic he'd favored not so long ago.
A fast hug, and then she pulled back, grinning at his new look. "Very sharp," she said through a grin as she tugged lightly on his shirt front.
A smirk curved his mouth as he shrugged. "Ken...my P.O., he scheduled me into some kinda class on getting through a job interview later today...they gave us guidelines on how to dress." He pulled at his collar, clearly uncomfortable.
"Well, I think you look really good," she said in an effort to bolster the effort.
He shrugged again. "So what's up?" he questioned. "Aren't you supposed to be at work?"
She laughed, though there was a hint of stress to the sound. "We hardly got to talk last night...and I didn't have anything on my schedule this morning." She turned an overbright smile his way as he continued to stare at her with a nonplused expression. "What, can't I visit my only son?"
A frown creased his brow. "Yeah, sure, Ma...it's just kinda unusual, that's all." He scratched the back of his neck as he peered at her. "You seem a little stressed. Is Olivia working you too hard?" he asked suspiciously.
"No," she said instantly. "Actually, the hours are great...I love the job...and the paycheck is a fantastic improvement."
His lips pursed. He no longer hated Olivia with the passion he had once upon a time, but he was hardly her biggest fan.
"And..." she continued, ignoring his pout as she caught one of his hands in hers, "...she's very reasonable if I need some personal time." She was just drawing breath to add a few more comments when Ken Graham, Rafe's on-site parole officer, appeared in the doorway.
"Ms. Rivera." Not a lot taller than her, he was a stocky man with a solid chest and biceps and a serious manner.
All probably necessary in his line of work, she knew, but also a little intimidating. "Mr. Graham," she said as she directed a polite smile his way. She'd already cleared the visit through the counselor on duty that morning, but Ken was handling Rafe's actual case and every time she saw him, she felt a frisson of trepidation, a sense of having done something wrong, even though she was never sure what. Again, probably a necessary skill in his line of work, but intimidating.
He offered a perfunctory smile in return. "Would you mind stopping by my office before you leave? There's an issue I wanted to discuss with you."
"Of course," she said instantly. She drew a breath to ask what it was about, but he'd already retreated from the door, disappearing back into the house. A little worried, she turned a questioning gaze on her son, but he just shook his head dismissively.
"Probably tryin' to get you involved in somethin'," he muttered. "They're trying to organize more stuff for families 'n' stuff."
A pleased smile curved her lips. "I think that's great."
He just shrugged.
Okay, so apparently the sharp dress mode hadn't carried over to his attitude as much as she would have liked. She fought the urge to heave a sigh and instead settled a hand on his arm and gestured to the picnic table that sat off in the side yard of the halfway house. "Why don't we have a seat."
Casting a vaguely suspicious glance her way, he crossed to the table and sat.
"So, how are things going?" she asked as she took a seat across the table. She'd been asking steadily over the phone, but he wasn't always terribly communicative, and she'd hoped that the counseling services at the house would help him with his various problems.
"S'okay," he mumbled. "The community service stuff is kinda boring, but some of the classes are okay. I'm close to getting my GED."
"That's so great, Rafe," Natalia said as she turned a dimpled smile his way. "I'm so proud of you."
He ducked his head, fingers moving in random patterns on the aluminum table top. "It's not that big a deal."
"Yes, it is," she disagreed. "Y'know, I never finished high school because of-"
"Me," he broke in unhappily.
"No," she said firmly. "It was everything...and I wouldn't change the choices I made...because they gave me you," she added quietly. "But it's a lot harder out there without that piece of paper, and so I think it's great you're getting it...and I'm proud of you, because I know how hard it can be to discipline yourself and follow through when you aren't in school." She paused for just a second, then added in her most sincere voice, "I just want the best for you, Rafe."
He nodded. "I know," he admitted, feeling churlish and small. Looking up, he saw the hopeful expression on her face and wanted nothing more than to see more pleasure and pride. It had been so damned long since he felt like he'd done right by his ma. He looked back down, knowing she'd be pleased with where his thoughts were going, but having spent so much time around men who regarded certain things as a sign of weakness. "Ken had some college counselor in a couple of days ago," he said at last. "We talked and he went over my records. He says my grades 'n' test scores are high enough, but...." He trailed off as it all swept over him, speaking the words aloud making them seem real and hopelessly foolish, like a child's dream about a shining castle on a hill. He shook his head disgustedly. "Forget it."
"Rafe," Natalia said as she reached out, settling a hand over her son's. "Do you want to go to college?"
"It doesn't matter," he ground out without looking up. "No way I'm gettin' a scholarship with my record...an' it's way too expensive."
She hurt for the pain and fear she saw in him. "Y'know, Rafe, I'm making a lot more money now," she reminded him. They weren't rich, but thanks to Olivia, the days of living on Ramen noodles and mac and cheese were over. "Plus there are loans... grants...and don't assume you can't get a scholarship. I've read there are a lot of them out there that don't even get used."
He looked up, his expression openly hopeful, making him look younger than he had in years. "Yeah...but..." he exhaled uncertainly.
She squeezed his hand, desperate to encourage any sign that he was moving away from the anger that had driven him for so long and left her feeling like she no longer knew her son. "If you want to go to school, we'll find a way to pay for it...but you've got to make sure you've got the grades and preparation to get in." She paused just long enough to marshal her thoughts. "I can find the money, but I can't do the work for you."
"I've been workin'," he assured her, his gaze dropping again. It wasn't cool and some of the other guys were pretty unmerciful about it, but he'd seen enough of prison to know that wasn't the future he wanted and constantly looking over his shoulder like he'd had to do while running with Harley was no answer either. He looked down again.
Seeing a possible opportunity to open up the subject of her relationship with Olivia, she began carefully, "And I know somebody I'm sure would help with finances if need be."
Rafe looked up, brow creasing into a frown. "Alan?" he questioned, surprised by the idea given how his mother generally felt about his grandfather's money, not to mention his grandfather.
"No, I was thinking of Olivia."
Snorting softly, Rafe shook his head. "Yeah, right," he sneered. Maybe she hadn't been a total bitch lately, but he couldn't forget what she'd done to his parent's marriage or the way she'd yelled at him when he'd first been arrested. Okay, she'd been right and he was treating his ma all wrong, but it was none of her business. "Olivia Spencer's gonna help me." He shook his head disdainfully at the very idea.
"Actually, I think she would," Natalia disagreed, refusing to be baited by his sarcasm, "if I asked her." She lowered her voice, trying for her most sincere tone. "She's become..." she paused momentarily, searching for the right words that wouldn't be a lie, yet not the complete truth either, "...the best friend I've ever had," she said at last. "She's family as far as I'm concerned." She saw him tense and the muscles along the line of his jaw clamp down and flex.
"Family that tried to steal your husband, your house and your wedding rings," he jeered.
Eyes flashing, Natalia tensed, but held onto her temper. Hearing anyone, even her son speak about Olivia that way triggered her instinct to defend the woman she loved, even though she knew it wouldn't help the situation. "Family that made some mistakes, yes," she allowed, "but also gave me back those rings and that house...got my money back when I lost it all...made it possible for me to buy a home...trusted me to do a job I wouldn't have even dreamed of trying to get." She dropped her voice, her tone becoming more intense as she added, "Got you out of the state penitentiary...where you were being beaten and terrorized...and into a place where you were safe." She squeezed his hand, willing him to look at her. "If she'd only done that, she'd have my gratitude...but Rafe, I honestly don't know what I would have done without her this last year."
He glared at the silvery surface of the table, running his thumbnail repeatedly over the striated indentations in the aluminum, the muscles in his jaw working as he ground his molars in frustration.
"And while she made her mistakes," Natalia added, feeling the need to remind him that Olivia wasn't the only one who'd stepped over some lines, "so did I. I nearly killed her-"
"It was her own damn fault," Rafe snarled as he looked up, all of the remembered resentments and angers on display. "If she hadn't been trying to interfere-"
"No," Natalia interrupted, her voice hard. "I should have trusted your father...and even if I didn't, I had no right to take that risk with her life. And if going after someone else's husband is unforgivable, then I'm no better than she is."
The harshness of her tone knocked him back on his heels and he just stared, eyes wide and hurting in contrast to his knotted jaw and the resentful line of his mouth.
"Sometimes you find family in places you don't expect...and it's like that for us...and I just want you to understand that."
"Fine," he muttered, though his tone made it clear it wasn't really.
"Rafe...please..." she whispered after a beat, silently willing him to give some ground.
Closing his eyes tightly, he focused on calming himself, consciously working on loosening his muscles and examining his feelings the way the counselors in the anger management class wanted. He knew Olivia had been there for his ma when he hadn't, that she'd done all of those things to help, and his ma was so forgiving that she apparently was willing to overlook some of the horrible parts of their history in favor of the better behavior. Okay, so the woman was trying and maybe he should give her credit for that. He knew his counselors would argue for some forgiveness on his part, it was hard not to resent her because it should have been his father doing those things, not her. But Gus' heart beat in Olivia's chest now and so maybe Olivia thought she had a right to take his place.
Like hell, the thought went through his head before he was even aware of it surging at the base of his brain.
We're seldom angry about what we think we're angry about.
One of the counselors had repeated the phrase like a mantra, and when he was feeling honest, Rafe had to admit there was probably some truth to it. He was angry about a whole hell of a lot of things, not the least at his father for spending his final time with Olivia and not him, and at Olivia for getting his dad's heart just like she got everything she wanted, at his ma for agreeing to give it to her. And he was angry because he'd had no say in any of it, just been forced to go along with whatever decisions they made, even though they affected him.
Maybe some of that was unfair to Olivia because even if she'd gone after his dad, she'd been sick and scared and when he died, she hadn't wanted his heart, had in fact damn near put herself in the grave with guilt over getting it. And apparently she'd tried to make up for some of the damage she'd done by looking after his ma while he was gone.
His shoulders sagged as he felt a little of the fury recede. "I get that she's done you some favors," he exhaled after a long beat. "So maybe you feel you owe her-"
"No," Natalia spoke up, refusing to hear their relationship characterized that way. "It's not like that... We don't owe each other anything." She took a deep breath, heart thudding painfully hard in her chest as she realized what she had to say to be even remotely honest, wondering even as she did so if he'd catch a glimpse of the true nature of the confession. "We do it because we're family and we love each other."
"Fine," he said again, his voice softer and more resigned than angry. "You're like sisters or whatever now...I still don't see what it has to do with me...have whatever friends you want." It was the best he could do.
Pausing to gather herself, Natalia took a deep breath, then waded in. "It's important because Olivia and I have been talking. I'm lonely out at the house, and she and Emma both hated moving out...and we both want for them to move back."
He tensed, but didn't argue. "I guess for company until I get out...yeah, I can understand that." He could wrap his brain around the notion of his ma being lonely and needing company, and it wouldn't just be Olivia. Emma would be there too and she was a good kid. Yeah, he could kinda understand that for a little while, until he got back and he and his ma were together again.
"No, Rafe," Natalia said gently. "I'm not just talking about until you get out."
Looking up, he stared at her with wide, hurt eyes. "What? You mean...." He didn't finish the question.
"We want it to be permanent," she explained quietly. "We were all a lot happier...and there's plenty of room at the farmhouse for all of us."
"You want me to live in the same house as Olivia Spencer when I'm released?" he demanded.
Slim shoulders rose and dipped in a hint of a shrug. "You adore Emma," Natalia pointed out, knowing full well that her son liked playing big brother to the girl. "And y'know, you might find that if you gave Olivia a chance, she makes a good friend."
"Yeah, she's gonna be my friend," he snorted derisively.
"Yes...she would be...if you'd let her," Natalia said firmly and squeezed his hand. "Olivia knows how much I love you...and because of that, she'd do anything for you...just like I would for Emma." She reached out, tucking a finger under his chin and drawing his head up the way she had when he was a small child. "Why do you think she called in every marker she could when you were in trouble...went to the governor himself to get you moved someplace safe?" She shook her head. "I couldn't do that, but she could...and she did...because you're my son... and that makes you part of her family. And whatever flaws Olivia has, she is profoundly loyal to her family."
He didn't understand his ma's certainty and it scared him for reasons he couldn't even begin to name and didn't want to look at too closely. "So we're all just gonna be one, big, happy family?" he questioned doubtfully.
"I'd like you to think about it at least," she pleaded, her voice low and gentle. "For my sake."
Not fair, he thought as that beseeching gaze was directed his way. It was the same look she'd used to get him to make his bed, be nice to girls when he still thought they were gross, comb his hair, go to church, and get his homework done. In short, she'd been using it his whole life.
And it still worked too.
"I-I'll try," he said at last, unable to hold the line against her silent pleading. He barely resisted the urge to stick out his tongue as he nearly gagged on his own surrender. She gave another of the little hand squeezes that reminded him of when he was a kid and scared of going to school for the first time and she'd held his hand and squeezed it just like that when he'd started to panic. It had reminded him she was there and strong and always with him and suddenly class had seemed so much less scary. So many times in the last year he'd wished she still had the power to make him feel that safe and loved again...and sometimes he resented like hell that she couldn't.
"Thank you," she said very softly, her voice bringing him back to the present.
For the briefest second, he saw her as she was, not the mother who'd always been there, impossibly strong and seemingly perfect throughout his childhood, even though when he stopped to think about it, she'd been little more than a child herself and had made plenty of mistakes along the way. Instead he saw a woman still young and pretty and at an age when plenty of people were just starting on a road-kids, homes, stable lives-that she'd been on since she was younger than he was now.
Then it all slipped away, and she was just his ma again and all the old angers and resentments were again simmering just beneath the surface. "Don't expect me to be her best friend," he warned, not exactly bitter, but close.
"I'm just asking for a little mutual respect," she sighed, careful to cover any impatience.
"Yeah...well...I'll do my best," he grumbled.
"That's all I've ever asked," she assured him, gratified when the tension in his shoulders relaxed a little. Not exactly an ideal beginning, but she'd started getting him used to the idea of them all as a family and he hadn't come completely unglued. Probably the best she could hope for this early in the game.
He looked away again, hangdog and feeling like he'd made some kind of mistake, though whether it was in being too hard-assed or in surrendering too easily, he honestly didn't know. He glanced at his watch in a bid to cover his own uncertainty. "Look, I gotta take off for that class," he said quickly, relieved when she didn't argue.
"I hope it goes really well," she said softly.
She rose in time to share another quick hug before he dashed off with a quickly mumbled "G'bye."
Heaving a sigh, she massaged the back of her neck, slowly working out the tension-induced kinks as she considered how the initial approach had gone with her son. Not exactly a resounding success, but not a grand slam failure either.
He'd promised to try and accept Olivia and he was starting to make some plans for the future. That gave her some real hope because Rafe was always at his best when he was feeling secure and like he had a path ahead of him. It was when he was at loose ends and feeling lost that he got into real trouble.
So she needed to talk to Olivia about the possibility of the Beacon starting a scholarship. That shouldn't be too hard. Any idea that brought them closer together and was also tax deductible was likely to go over well with the hotelier.
Natalia couldn't withhold a grin over the idea as she fumbled for her car keys in her rush to see Olivia and share what she'd learned.
"Ms. Rivera?"
Ken Graham's voice, polite but firm, brought her head up and she encountered a dark gaze that bordered on suspicious. She winced. Right. He'd wanted to talk to her after she was done with Rafe. "I'm sorry," she apologized quickly, feeling vaguely like a five year-old caught with her hand in the cookie jar. "I forgot you wanted to talk."
One eyebrow ticked upward doubtfully, but he didn't argue. "If you have time."
Ignoring the temptation to go on apologizing and trying to explain that she hadn't been trying to avoid him, just forgotten the meeting in her eagerness to share the good news. "Absolutely...for as long as necessary," she added briskly and turned an over-bright smile his way.
He wasn't impressed to gauge by the utter lack of expression directed back at her.
"Is there a problem?" she questioned, sudden trepidation coiling her stomach muscles into knots.
Folding his arms across his chest, he shrugged. "I'd like to avoid one," he said, his tone doing nothing to ease her rapidly accelerating worries.
"Okay," she said cautiously. "I'm all for that."
"Good...because Frank Cooper called here last night about Rafe."
Natalia frowned in confusion, so caught by surprise that she had no idea if she was supposed to say something. "I'm not sure why that's a problem," she said hesitantly after a beat.
"I'm new in town, Ms. Rivera...so I admit I don't know all the ins and outs of local politics...But I have looked at Rafe's files. It's obvious that a lot of strings have been pulled on his behalf...and it needs to stop. That kind of manipulation of the system breeds problems...a sense of entitlement in the man receiving the benefits and resentment in the others. It's not fair and it's not ethical...and I can't have it going on."
Staring at him in confusion, she shook her head slowly, then felt a wash of guilt as it occurred to her that he must have noted the initial move to get Rafe out of the state penitentiary. "If you're talking about Rafe being moved from State to a minimum security facility, yes, a friend pulled strings...but it wasn't Frank," she said, hoping honesty would blunt the issue and calm things down. They needed this man on their side. "And the mayor used him to make a political point and got him a harsher sentence than even the man he shot thought he deserved."
Graham remained stone-faced.
"He was being beaten by the other prisoners," Natalia added a little desperately as she remembered her son's bruised face and felt a rush of terror that perhaps somehow all the good would be undone and he'd wind up back in that hell just when things were going better. "The warden didn't give a damn...and I was terrified he was going to wind up dead-"
"I'm not talking about any of that," Rafe's parole officer said at last, his voice harsh.
She pulled up short, momentarily knocked silent. "Then I don't understand," she said at last, mentally going back over his initial comments. "Frank was part of the original case. Why is it a problem if he called about Rafe?"
He exhaled a short, angry sigh, giving her the sense that her response had ticked him off. "Because I'm well aware of your relationship, Ms. Rivera," he snapped impatiently. "And because his call last night had nothing to do with Rafe's case and was entirely about personal matters." He took a step forward, not quite crowding her, but close enough to be discomfiting. "I won't have you interfering with your son's case...no matter who your fiancé is."
Rocked back on her heels by the accusation, Natalia held up a hand. "Whoa," she said, her tone sharper than normal. "I haven't done anything to pull strings for Rafe while he's been here...and as for Frank and I, I broke things off months ago."
He pulled up short, apparently caught by surprise, but not yet ready to back down. "I saw the announcement on the Springfield P.D. website just a few days ago," he pointed out sharply.
"Then it's because they haven't taken it down," she shot back. "Because I assure you, Frank and I are not engaged...and in fact, I'm with someone else now."
He frowned ever so slightly and she had a sense that he was going back over whatever had been said the night before.
"Did Frank actually say we were engaged?" she demanded. He'd had some trouble letting go, but nothing that egregious. If he was telling people they were still together, she needed to have a discussion with him.
"No," he admitted after a second. "He..." he trailed off, the news shifting his interpretation of the call, though he wasn't sure exactly how yet. "He asked...some questions."
She paused for a brief second, relieved by that news. "Well, whatever Frank did, I had nothing to do with it...and as far as I know, neither did Rafe. Honestly, even if we were still together, I wouldn't ask him to step in or try and get Rafe special treatment." She reached up, massaging her temple where a headache was suddenly gathering momentum. "I know my son has problems...and as much as I want him home, he needs help...and he's made real strides here." She wanted him to understand she wasn't unrealistic about her son or the mistakes he'd made.
And when she looked up, she found his expression had shifted to thoughtful and he'd backed off a couple of steps and dropped his arms to his sides.
"And even if I worry sometimes, I know he's safe here," she added quickly, "and this is his best chance at finally getting his life straightened out." With nothing else to say, she fell silent, hoping her speech had helped her son, but terrified it had somehow made things worse.
Graham absorbed it all with little expression or comment. She hadn't reacted at all the way he'd expected, leaving him to recalculate the personal equation and sometimes that took simply stepping back and watching. "You really didn't know about Cooper's call, did you?" he asked after a long moment.
"I had no idea...but I'll speak to Frank, make sure that he understands that Rafe isn't his responsibility."
She was surprised when Rafe's P.O. shook his head. "Given what you've told me, I suggest you stay out of it," he told her. "If it happens again, I'll inform Detective Cooper that his behavior needs to stop...make him aware that I'll take it to the ethics board if he keeps pushing it."
"This shouldn't be your problem to deal with," she murmured as she ran a hand over her hair and tried to figure out what the hell she was going to say to Frank.
"Nor yours, apparently," he said sympathetically. "And frankly, it's my job to set my foot down if there's anything going on with respect to one of the men in the program...whether the problem is their behavior, or someone else's."
"But-"
"No buts." Ken was surprised to find himself sympathetic to the young woman when he'd been wholly prepared to knock her down a few pegs. He liked Rafe. The kid had problems, but he was salvageable, unlike most of the men who went through the system. Listening to Frank, Ken had thought maybe she was part of the problem, manipulating things when he needed to face the consequences. The questions about the possibility of home visits and early release had seemed like a setup for a cop boyfriend to start asking for favors. Now it was all starting to look like something else altogether. "I'll deal with the guy."
"Are you sure, because-"
"I'm sure," he said decisively.
She looked away for a brief second, visibly gathering herself. "Thank you...and thank you for everything you're doing for my son." Her mouth turned up in a watery smile. "He's actually talking about the future...maybe even college." She shook her head. "I haven't seen him like this in a long time."
"He's smart enough...and if he gets his act together, there's no reason he can't do just fine." He watched the relief in her expression, the way it ebbed and flowed as she processed it, only to have fears rise and threaten to swamp the new sensation before being pushed back again.
"Thank you," she said again.
He simply nodded, then glanced at his watch. "I've got a session with a client in ten minutes, so I need to go...but I'm glad we talked...and I got a better sense of what's going on."
Natalia nodded again, feeling a little off balance as a result of the whole conversation. "Thank you for letting me know what was going on."
"Try not to worry about it. I'll handle it if anything else comes up."
Then he headed back inside, leaving Natalia staring after him with a perplexed expression. She took a deep breath and blew it out. What the hell had Frank been up to? He'd initially nursed the notion that Olivia had tricked her somehow and he still had a chance. She thought he was over it, but maybe he was trying to prove himself in some way. It was the only explanation she could come up with, yet it didn't quite ring true. Still, she couldn't think of a better answer.
There was some temptation to call Frank and simply ask, but instinct told her it would turn into a confrontation, and the idea made her stomach coil into knots. She loathed that sort of interaction and her relationship with the detective was a complex one at best. There was guilt and shame over how she'd used him, but also a measure of resentment over his refusal to acknowledge that she was an adult who was quite capable of making up her own mind over who she wanted to be with.
No, Ken had said he'd deal with it and maybe he knew best. With no emotional ties to the situation, hopefully he was better situated to handle things calmly and maybe Frank would actually listen to him. Besides, if she was honest, she had to admit, she'd just as soon avoid the detective altogether. There were just too many bad feelings there and she wanted to get on with her life and all the good things in it.
Like Rafe mellowing toward Olivia and thinking about going to college. Using those thoughts to consciously chase away her worries, she grinned, feeling like maybe she'd get her son back for the first time in ages. That thought uppermost in her mind, she hurried off, excited to see Olivia, and worried about Frank quickly forgotten in the wake of more important matters.
* * * * * *
TBC