So, i feel 100x better,(oh except for my very full bladder right now) I got up for the day at about 12:15, i was proud of my self, that's about a entire hour earlier. That was after getting up at like 7:45 i think, then falling back asleep at about 9:30ish. I got up and cleaned, i put all the laundry that was waiting in the garage into the washer ( Read more... )

Okay, all i want right now, RIGHT this second, is to have hot, wild, kinky sex in the rain in a field of sunflowers or daiseys. Nice, passionate, long kissing sex, just going on and on and on, till we both collapse. It would be a romantic day, turned into a hot sex/love making night. I like the idea of making out and sex in the rain is SOOOOOO hot ( Read more... )

So seems like throwing up has phyilosopically made me feel better in a way. I feel kind of purified, haven't felt the full effects though because i'm still sick, but i'm starting to feel alot bettr. I feel evil though, like i want to go prank someone, go be bad. I called Jelani yesterday and he was on his way to work, and asked if he could call me ( Read more... )

also last night, chris, text me, and he wanted to go out. i told him i couldn't because i was at a cliff with me friend. and he was like what are you doing, do you want me to come pick you up, dont do it i care. he thought i was going to jump, i thought that was so cute, chris, thanks, you make me laugh, in a good way though. still cant sleep, ( Read more... )

Okay so last night candie and I went out. She came over and we decided to go up to sugar loaf to play guitar and be depressed, so we snuck out 2 blankets threw my window and left. I smoked a cig up there. We go there, dude it was sooo dark, I could barely tell where the cliff dropped off into notingness. We got up to the top, and it was so ( Read more... )

do i make more of this then it really is. is this just all in my head, why a sudden low? such a big one? i mean yes, candie's words about attention whoring had a MAJOR affect on me, but i was already depressed. i haven't had a low like this in a LONG time. yes, i do get depressed, not like this though. not at all like this. my head just keeps ( Read more... )

I am stuck here, frozen to this position. My hands just keep typing, typing, typing. Half the time I don't know what they are typing, what the words spell out, I just go. I think I might have freaked out chris, I sent him a picture, the one that candie made of all of us when we went to Palmdale. I need a cig, I wish I could smoke in the house, it ( Read more... )

So there's this guy named chris. He' really cool. He's sweet, and funny, and cute, and he seems to genuinly care about me. I just got back from goin to Best Buy and Islands with my mom, and I told her about him among some stuff about my previous entries, it was nice to have some one on one time with her. I kind of told her about how I met him on ( Read more... )

why do i keep doing this to myself, i think i can subconciously see that he doesn't want me anymore, that it's over and it's never going to happen, but i just think i dont want to accept it. I just want to escape this thinking, i don't want to think or care or do anything. he pisses me off soooooo bad sometimes. i wish he could just spill his guts ( Read more... )

I don't understand why things are the way they are. Why do people do the things they do? I meen do people who are mean do mean things on purpose, or do they not even realize they're mean. I am so confused about people's agendas with me. I feel like some people have hidden ones. I have constantly felt that everyone is using me or having some ( Read more... )