Admit it.

You think of me every night. Solid, like a milkshake (but with my face on it) and doing bad things.

I am Constantine... Now you will adore me more. Yes, for you surely will. Just like I am Neo and I am that other guy in that thing I starred in one time with Paterick Swayze (we called him 'The Swayze' on set, but he didn't like it and ( Read more... )

Care for an egg plant, my love?

I phoned my old monty-dude-type-waldo... Gary Oldmaaan. I said, can I speak to Mister Oldmaaaaan and they said yes.

I had a plan. For it was cunning.

I said, like, what if... 'The Further Adventures Of Jonaaathaaaaan Haaaaarker'? And we could base it on Bram Stoker and shit. That'd be cool. I could drive around Europe in a train and my cool ( Read more... )

I went with Powder Puff Boy today for some mondo adventures. I tried to tempt him with some baby milk (made from real babies - that shit don't come cheap), but he said no. So I gave him a banana, but he ran away on a bike really fast! I tried keeping up, but he transformed into a child... Then a big monster. Then sort of massacred an entire village ( Read more... )

I watched Sigourney Weaver tell me words from a television today. She looked at someone and said "After all, I am me..."

So I said: "Yes, I am me also..."

But she didn't answer me.

I think we came to a mondo spiritual understanding...

I think, like... God is... Me.

Whoa...

I'm gonna' have me some jaffa cake and stuff it down Jack Nicholson's hefty mouth!!!

I put on a Spiderman costume and scared the shit out of Gary Busey!

If I was a man, I would be called Orlaaaaando... If I were a pussy cat, then I would be called Dave. As it is? I am a god of snails.

So I'm like, hey, you wanna' be a potato? And he's all like, waddya' mean, potato? And I just say, sure! Everyone wants to be a potato!

Potatos are shit hot, man!

When you are hungry, is it usual to eat an entire box of raw cheese?

I wonder for reasons that are not important for others to know.

This feels like the sort of day I could just explode with anger! Grrrraaaargh! I can feel it!!!