have to wake up in 4.5 hours so why not catch up on my lj ( Read more... )

does anyone read this? im kinda feeling like starting a new (and private) journal so that i don't have to feel like im bogging people down with tmi and also have to guard my words. i guess i'm not as honest as i absolutely can be. but i get urges to write pretty ugly things. and it's not so much a matter of honesty cuz sometimes it's just ( Read more... )

i'm getting sucked in. i don't like liking boys. i don't believe in falling in love. it's just a terrible hormone induced trap. pretty soon, i will be a zombie. an unproductive, ineffective mindless addict, robbed of time and motivation. love is drugs. drugs are bad. is all. LE sigh.

i can still walk away. should i?

i tend to write these things when i'm too tired to do anything else, then fall asleep on top of my laptop with the lights on. kinda like in high school when my mom would come to my room every night around 4 or 5am and turn off my light and make me go take my contacts out. i have a terrible sleep history, not because i can't sleep, i sleep great, ( Read more... )

to be detached.
this is how i need to be. everyday.
there is only so much i can do. i'm doing my best.
my best is good enough.
everything's not going to be alright.
and that's ok.
the world fucking exploded tonight, everyone is dead,
and i feel alright.

i don't want to clench my jaw muscles because i'm afraid all the blood vessels in my head will explode.

how do i make friends?
and why don't i have any?

tell it to me straight.
i grew up by myself. i didn't learn these things growing up.
please?
thx.

It took a long time. Long enough that I thought maybe it wouldn't happen. I've been working here in the halfway house for a month and a half now and it's finally getting to me. There're just so many problems. I'm feeling incredibly burdened, am starting to avoid people, hide in my room or get away when I can. I'm hiding in Facebook, eating too ( Read more... )

i didn't catch that red flag two entries ago. reminder to self. don't ignore red flags ( Read more... )

i was gonna write about sex, i had so much to say about it last night, but it's gone now ( Read more... )

a girl i don't know and have never talked to spontaneously kissed me ( Read more... )