Weird Science
I think when most people recall the science fairs of elementary school, they think of food coloring-dyed carnations and batteries hooked up to tiny light bulbs ( Read more... )

No Me Molestas
I needed to purchase a new television. I had one, yes, but it had a thirteen-inch screen and was totally unsuitable for watching anything from more than a few feet away, and who wants to sit that close to the screen unless you’re a little girl being contacted by the dead through the cable fuzz because your house was built over an ( Read more... )

Shits and Giggles
I decided to go to the massage institute again when I went home a few weekends ago. Basically, the one-hour sessions cost about twenty dollars, which is a significant cut in the typical price of a massage - I’ve found they typically run about seventy-five dollars for fifty minutes, or higher at even more lavish salons that justify ( Read more... )

Intelligent Design?
Trying to furnish an apartment is a difficult task. I know the latest model of modern man is both equally programmed to stylishly design any interior and is probably also dishwasher-safe, but I was constructed before any of these advances and cannot even manage the interior design of my refrigerator ( Read more... )

The Room is Spinning
When I first heard of people going to “spin class” years ago, I imagined something different: men and women in spandex tops and track pants, sitting at looms stationed around a fitness room, working frenetically in an effort to burn calories. Looms could not be very amusing, I thought, however, or do much to tone the lower part ( Read more... )

Collected Works
Some little boys collect army figures; others, baseball cards. They, I imagine, would, in their teens, embrace an open interest in guns, or sports. As a kid, I wanted nothing to do with guns, and the only sports I liked were jump-roping and tetherball, “soft-contact” sports that did not require talent or hand-eye coordination ( Read more... )

Coffee Brown
Living alone gets, well, lonely sometimes ( Read more... )

Back to My Front
Wow, it’s been a time. I’m glad journals aren’t children, because otherwise I’d be taking government parenting classes and this journal would have been placed among some foster writer that provides it with milk and diapers. Fortunately, one of my few master talents is making excuses, so I shall present a cascade of evidence as to ( Read more... )

It’s All Relative
Michigan was lovely - is lovely, in fact, and becomes increasingly more so the further one drives outward from Detroit. My destination was in an autumnal paradise - the orange and pale yellow-tinged leaves, like bits of old paper, reflected the delicate silvery light of the morning and shivered in the crisp air ( Read more... )

Gramma’s Busy
It’s hard to resist feeling lonely here in Bakersfieldtownsburgvillestonshire. I don’t have any friends here, since I am clearly too fit and have too many of my original teeth for this to be my hometown, and I haven’t made new ones that haven’t recently left for school. With nowhere to meet people but the gym and the grocery store, I’m ( Read more... )