i am so sick of all this. just when i thought things could look a little brighter. they just come crashing down in an instant. like seriously. like in the snap of a finger. and here they are again crashing down on me. i seriously cant handle this anymore. i cant. i really cant. this is so hard right now. what the hell did i do seriously. i know i ( Read more... )

i have a trip planned. i am going to dc again in september. i already requested the days off and i am going to buy my ticket this weekend. hopefully tomorrow. my fingers crossed. so i really hope i can go. i think i need to get away. and an in city or outside city trip does not seem to be doing the job. i think getting out of the state and into a ( Read more... )

i am not sure what i am looking for right now. i am so confused on a bunch of things. my mind will not let me just stop and rest. i have been going through stuff with the boyfriend. and basically his mom trashed all my trust in him. i am not even sure on who to believe. people say i should just believe him since i am in the relationship with him. ( Read more... )

i really do not know why i dyed my hair. i actually want to dye it again but use the regular black. i think i dyed it to signify something. yes i did it out on a whim especially to stop cutting and somewhat stop the hurt. but i think i did it more of a symbol of some sort. i think i did it to symbolize this part of my life to remember. to remember ( Read more... )

twenty more minutes but that is about it. it is just hard for the fact that i was actually getting somewhere with my feelings and i lost it with the two minute mark. maybe i will get it back again. who knows. fuck... this fucking sucks. now this is where my anger is hitting home. this is wehre i hate life. where i cant stand to be here or anywhere ( Read more... )

i do not feel any better. the only thing that seemed to be helping me right now is this thing. the only sucky thing about that is the fact that i do not have internet access in my apartment. i still have so much to say but i cant seem to get it all out. i cant seem to get what i want out on here. i guess i lack words. or maybe i am just tired of ( Read more... )

instead of hurting myself i have been trying to find things to help me out. last week or so i dyed my hair. i dyed my hair black. i do not know. maybe i did it to symbolize how i am feeling. i do not know why i did it. i am trying so hard to right now to try and do things. i want to do something drastic. something crazy. that was my something crazy ( Read more... )

my papa got sick again last week. he got put in the hospital and was experiencing heart failure. my papa said that the pharmicist might even have given him the wrong medicine cuz his heart doctor said he did not prescribe that particular medicine ( Read more... )

life has been rough. life has not been fun. what the hell to do. what the hell to be. what the hell. what is it worth. for real. you are born. shit happens to you as a kid. so you do not have an easy start at all. you find out from the beginning that it is not all it is cracked up to be. so that sucks. b/c then you start to realize that there is no ( Read more... )

as i was saying. i witnessed a fight. so that night i did not get any sleeep at all. i stayed up the whole night. and of course work was not understanding. i was fallijng asleep and one of my students was even asking why are you falling asleep ( Read more... )