Before heading out onto Maine’s formidable Penobscot River, our guides gave us only minimal advice. They told us to hold our paddles at arms length when going over rapids. They explained rowing commands. They made sure our yellow helmets were on forwards, and when everything was in order they had only one helpful hint left to offer, “falling out of ( Read more... )

How do you teach multiplication? See I always thought that just because I knew something then I could teach it. Wrong. I know how to multiply but I don’t know how to get a ten year old to do it. I told her football player number 7 took cheerleader number 6 out on a date on 42nd street. I told her that there are two football players who where the ( Read more... )

People are funny. And I don’t mean they make me laugh, I mean they behave in ways that require me to tilt my head to the side and adjust my facial muscles into an inquisitive expression. As my favorite boyfriend (and Fulton’s reigning homeless mascot) Phillip would say “It’s a cwazy wuld isn’t it? Don’t tell nobody ( Read more... )

Oh boy do I have some updates for you my loyal devoted readers! Let’s dive right in shall we ( Read more... )

Once upon a time there was a young koala bear named Gordon. Gordon grew up in the Australian foster care system. Hopping from one foster kangaroo mum to the next. Finally at the age of 6 he was regurgitated out of the system (6 years old is about 18 in human years, also it is the koala drinking age). A rough little bear, Gordon would pick fights ( Read more... )

In case you haven’t seen me in person, let me tell you. One of my eyes has committed mutiny. That is, it is attempting to mutate into an albino eyeball. It has provoked three battles this month so far, each time its strategy is to turn pink like an albino eye, itch like crazy, and when in doubt throw green goop. I have won the first two battles ( Read more... )

Zombies are terrible at just about everything, but when it comes to cooking they slay the cake. This is for obvious reasons. They don’t really care for butter, dairy products, fruits or veggies or even candy. If you’ve ever been shopping with a zombie you know they go straight for the meat department. And once you get all of last week’s now deeply ( Read more... )

Ok, tonight I almost went to Maine. The forcast calls for thunderstorms at the beach all day tomorrow. I stayed home. I am now very drunk. I got drunk with my parents. God I can't wait til school starts again!

the end

ps I wish my honey was here :(

I haven't written in a while. Turns out I'm not as committed to this livejournal thing as I thought I would be. Oh well ( Read more... )

Grown-ups go to work even when they are sick. Lucky for me I'm still a toys r us kid. So I stayed home and went to see my pediatrician ( Read more... )