You know, I used to be happy. I can't recall any other time when I've felt this stuck. This focused on my thoughts, all of which are screaming at me how terrible of a person I am. How I deserve all this pain. How I deserve to be alone. How I'll never really be loved because I keep sabotaging myself. I ruin every relationship I'm in because I think ( Read more... )

I have absolutely no desire to update about anything. Partially, because it's been a month since the last time I updated and therefore have too much I could possibly write about, and at the same time because I don't do anything ever. My life is a sad existence, so why would I want to share that with anyone ( Read more... )

I don't know why I have such a strong desire to share this, but I do. So, here goes.

( Fears. )

I already posted this on Facebook because someone tagged me, but I wanted to post it here first originally.

25 Random Things.1. I have to make lists for everything. But once I make a list, I hardly look at it again. It's like getting it all out is enough. Once I've written it down, my brain remembers ( Read more... )

- I looked cute. I spent more money than I would like to admit at Rue 21 last night. But I did get freakin' cute shoes and a new bag and a pair of obnoxiously huge sunglasses and a long tank top and two headbands and perfume... Yeah. It was bad.

-My next three trades of Sandman came in the mail!

-I watched seven and a half episodes of Pushing ( Read more... )

Has anyone ever given serious thought as to why we like the things we like? Why we dislike the things we do? How do we develop prefences? Is it dependent upon our environment? Nature vs. nurture? I'm sure there is a study somewhere that I haven't taken the time to read that answers my question; this is just one of those things I end up thinking ( Read more... )

I finished reading Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller, a book Senay lent to me. Its subtitle reads "Nonreligious thoughts on Christian spirituality." I've had some pretty well-known beef with Christianity from a young age, being raised in what I've always considered to be a hostile Catholic environment. I'll spare the massive amount of details, but in ( Read more... )

I once downloaded an LJ application on my laptop a few years ago to use instead of going into the site itself (because, quite frankly, I'm lazy and having an application makes my writing seem more important, har har) and thought about using one on my new computer. I just remembered to download one, so we'll see how this works. I miss spell check, I ( Read more... )

I feel like I'm becoming more and more alienated from both the person I always hoped I'd become and the person I felt like I was. Now I feel like I'm just in this limbo, which, on one hand, brings endless possibilities for changes and improvements, and on the other hand, seems bleak and unending. I don't know that I've ever felt this unsure of ( Read more... )

I had lunch with my long-lost bestie Nick this afternoon. We enjoyed a delicious meal at Mike and Rosy's deli and talked a lot of shit despite the fact that we hadn't seen each other in more than two years (thanks, college). He forgot how quickly I speak (evenwhenI'mnotexcited,ItalklikeSixfromBlossom,y'all!) and he had to interrupt me with, "STOP. ( Read more... )