so he said to me, i couldn't even read what you'd written--even though it had been published for all of our friends to see, he couldn't read it. and i wonder if he knew that it was written and felt so recently, or if that even matters ( Read more... )

looking into my own yellow-lit cube of warmth at times I wonder at the stuff of life. how many things do i take to furnish my existence ( Read more... )

somehow it’s the land that let me fall in love with you ( Read more... )

life is good again, mostly, but i am so fucking predictable and i need to change the story this time. i need to not break hearts this time. i want to keep it fun and superficial and uninvolved, but i'm so bad at saying no when people want into my head. i don't know how to say, there's nothing left there. that this is just because i deserve to laugh ( Read more... )

on friday i talked to a dean about dropping a class and talking to my profs to tell them that i am not functioning at my best right now for personal reasons. she was a therapist for a number of years so we started talking about what's going on, and ended up talking about relationships and breakups for awhile. and she said something to me that just ( Read more... )

so i just made an appointment at psych services. i haven't seen a therapist since i was 15. i'm not confident they can help me with anything, but maybe they can at least give me advice on what to do with my fucking mess of an academic life ( Read more... )

everyone is right ( Read more... )

it's not that things don't make me happy, it's that i've lost my joy in life. it just all means so much less, and the shit out there in the world means so much more, and it's hard now, for the first time in a long time, to justify the struggle for it all ( Read more... )

i keep trying to think about what the most painful part is. is it feeling that the last three years of loving him has been rendered meaningless and absurd and wasteful? is it feeling cast aside, discarded, worthless, foolish? is it feeling that the one person in the world i thought that i knew the best is now a complete stranger? is it thinking of ( Read more... )

so i just got bored at work (can't focus on this gender equality brochure i'm supposed to be making) and i just read a bunch of stuff from the summer between my sophomore and junior year and the beginning of my junior year. a few things strike me ( Read more... )