34 years old and I'm still not a Nazi.

Someone took my brand new sandwich out of the refrigerator at work today and threw it in the trash. Its a very small office and no one is admitting to it.

On the bus today I noticed this young black male listening to headphones very loudly and staring out the window. The only weird thing about it was he was doing these complicated sort of gang signs to the music the whole time. It was almost as if he was signing the words but it definitely wasn't sign language. They were totally gang sign type of ( Read more... )

I was lying in bed earlier, trying to take a nap, when my mind began revolving around the question of which day of the week is the most famous. It nearly scuttled my nap. I probably managed to fall asleep for about 45 minutes tops. The only really solid conclusion that I came to was that it is definitely NOT Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday ( Read more... )

I love Christmas. I mean I really love Christmas. I love the magic, the pomp, the ritual, the smells, the songs, the food, the coziness. I love trying to find unique, thoughtful gifts that will surprise and please my family. I hate giving gifts off of Christmas lists. I don't want to just be an errand boy who runs to Mervyn's to pick you up ( Read more... )

Last night I dreamed that I was in this big room with all of these people in a kind of circle and Chef was leading us all and saying a sort of prayer under his breath. He was muttering all of these numbers in a long string, actually, and only when he muttered my numbers (I can't remember if it was my social, my phone number or what - but I knew it ( Read more... )

It seems like no one has goons anymore. No one I know anyway. People in the movies always have goons. The head bad guy usually has goons. Sometimes who you think is the head bad guy turns out to be an even bigger head bad guy's goon. Like Darth Vader. Or Malfoy. I wouldn't mind being someone else's goon if I got my own goons as part of the ( Read more... )

High-Functioning Punctuation...

I am bleeding between my legs.
A complicated process takes place in one of my organs: the removal of water from feces
Who was the lead singer for the Mysterians?
A certain amount of salt - not a pinch - was sprinkled over my fries

I am currently in the middle of a brand new self-help program I have stumbled upon. Its called "Actually Doing Shit". Those names I threw out in the subject are not the True Name. I simply threw them up there to discourage intellectual copywrite thieves from stealing the True Name even though the True Name is listed just two lines below. I ( Read more... )

Last night I dreamed that I was in a thrift store shopping and I saw Bruce Springsteen enter with a lady friend. I slightly froze up from nervousness but continued shopping. I purposefully browsed to another section of the store specifically so I wouldn't have to be near him and worry about the whole problem of acting normal while a famous person ( Read more... )