Finally a night off and im doing, you know, the usual. Just researching bruises and experimenting with dabbing mascara all over my eye. Oh, and painting my gun. My life is wierd man ( Read more... )

“That point when you see someone going through such overwhelming pain and there are no boundaries to it, no rules are written for it, and whether you can relate or not, foresee or remember it, its still incomprehensible suffering, yet the incomprehension makes it somehow beautiful. That’s where the beauty lies in nightmares."

I am super pissed off. At myself mostly, but at some stupid ass people too. I am just so mother fucking frustrated, I cant even believe it. Why the fuck am I like this? I always feel like whomever i'm with can't wait to leave me behind. I am tired of(and also admittedly want) escapism. I am tired of people who can only handle fun and smiles and ( Read more... )

im too tired to look anymore. i cant try to help myself anymore, i need to lay down. But i wont let myself curl up on the floor. maybe thats the whole fight. a long, drawn out, losing battle, untill i finally let myself fall into the ground. its hard to be lost and trapped and sick at the same time. i feel for all the ones whove had it worse than ( Read more... )

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I would like a pair of maracas. Yes, I would. I find that they would be festive and enjoyable. I would like to obtain things that are festive and enjoyable. I tried to get to sleep at a decent hour tonight- yeah that so did not happen. Mother fucker i have had a headache and have not done shit for my vacation. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh. ask ( Read more... )

I have no idea what the fuck happened. I have no idea whats happening.

Normally my memories are so perfect and vivid, as though time were under glass.

But I feel like I got smashed, and woke up, and the vague, blurry flashbacks don't even feel like my life.

I'm not really lost.In fact the oddest thing is I feel like I've just found myself awake

i had such an oddly formulated day. Woke up at way too early o' clock to go to Mt. Kisco and give my eye doctor my glasses. So i figured i would spend much of the rest of the day in prayer that Dr. man would be able to squeeze them in between appointments ( Read more... )

hmmm, this is strange i had a lot of things to say, and now i'm sort of just sitting here staring at the screen. can't be good. i must say i am thouroughly displeased in this turning of the seasons thing. i'm hoping beyond hope that acting is a possibility this week- maybe it can get out some of the more recent kinks i have aqquired. even with all ( Read more... )

okay im feeling just dumb right now. gaaaahhhh- i thought this total self hatred thing had kinda drifted off alittle- haha- my inner thoughts are so funny like that ( Read more... )