is heartbreakingly wonderful. after all i have done in this life i certainly dont deserve such an amazing treasure. hes all the good bits of me and jesse. sure the bads there.. but ya know( and no i dont long to go back) sometimes he does something and IS jesse for a moment.. and i remember why i thought jesse was so special in the first place. all ( Read more... )

thanks for responding to my vent and for caring enough to. i was right i feel better this morning. and instead of going to a bar and ordering shots til i went home with the next thing that hit on me, i put my kid to bed, tipped my hat at me mum and went to tell my boyfriend off.... heh.. that endedcd up with me talking and him listening and then ( Read more... )

that i just want to stomp beneath the soles of my docs. stomp and crush and grind til theres absolutely nothing left. then i would never hurt again. the part of me that confuses sex and love, the part of me that( foolish twit) needs people, the part of me that gets excited and starts looking ahead to things... i want to rip all those chunks out and ( Read more... )

had a magnificant new year.. gonna do it right!!!!!!! nick starts daycare wed, and i start back to school... little terrified of that.. it's HARD to let go.. i just cant bear the thought of him being sad at all.. which is me projecting crap onto him.. he will probably love the daycare( which seems wonderful) i just remember how much i HATED daycare ( Read more... )

forgetting its tuesday, feels like it should be monday. Best Christmas of my adult life... hands down... fan friggin tastic... im a happy happy bitch.. and a very tired one.. sunday night we stayed up and went to midnight mass and then nick was up super early for presents then i was up til 11 last night... so.. maybe i shall write more later... ( Read more... )

hell i dont take anything.. the last time i took anything remotely resembling a drug was a painkiller when i strained my back,.. and that made me mean so i swore off anything not prescribed for me, but i havent had a good nights sleep in a bit here, and the night before last i had horrible dreams all night.. woke up with my son patting my face ( Read more... )

christmas. so i can give my boys their gifts, then i want it to be new years so that this year ( as opposed to the past two) i can kiss my baby at midnight like ive wanted to all along...other radom thoughts let see at d's i have a drawer of my stuff and my shower stuff in his shower, i have my side of the bed and the baby has a cabinet of toys, ( Read more... )

everythings over but the hurting. that just takes time right. at least i still have him.

another morning. if i thought it was a closure deal then sure i could get behind that. if only there wasnt the raw pain reading her email caused him. me and him are " fine" im still spending the night there, im still moving in with him, hes still going on my familys phone plan at the end of the month. yesterday was just a reminder that no matter ( Read more... )

alot has happened. i hurt so bad. the only person who can make it better is the one that caused it, and hes hurting too. he let her back into his life.. and thus into "our" life. this morning i could have written you one of the sappiest love notes of all time about "our" life.. and now.. when we first got into this.. i knew i could never hope to ( Read more... )