I can't sleep. Or maybe it's that I don't want to sleep. I'm not sure.

My grandmother died today. I have so many emotions running through me that I have trouble identifying them all.

Grief. Obviously.
Relief. She is no longer suffering like she has been for a long time.
Regret. For not taking every available opportunity to know her.
Apathy. I don't ( Read more... )

Looks like #3 is about to happen. I received a text from my dad saying my grandmother's vitals signs are degrading. Mom is at the hospital now and my aunt and uncle are on their way. I called my sister and found out that the doctors are just keeping my grandmother comfortable. They aren't doing anything more to attempt to save her.

Overall it isn't ( Read more... )

I was on Facebook not too long ago and saw that the group of people I hung out with in high school are renting out a place and are having a Prom.

I haven't spoken with the vast majority of these people in forever, so I shouldn't care what they do. But this bothers me on a fundamental level. They are in their mid to late 20's, married, engaged, or ( Read more... )

I had to do some very difficult things today, since tomorrow I leave for Alaska. First was saying goodbye to my grandmother, Mimi as I call her. I went to see her in Hackettstown today, knowing fully well it was likely the very last time I'd see her alive. She knew it too and her goodbye was worded "I'm glad I got to see you again." her goodbye was ( Read more... )

Just had my "there's no point in doing this" interview. It went well, I suppose. Though steve had to tell me not to tell them all "fuck you" at the beginning/end.

I called the HR representative for an update on my "offer". I'm so scared they'll call back and say, "oops! Sorry, you don't get the job after all!" I'm waiting to hear back from him.

I ( Read more... )

The few people I listed as references have received a call from a potential employer. Too bad it was from Alaska native medical center, the company I don't want a job with.

Second, I received a call from Providence stating it was taking longer than they anticipated to contact references since they had more applicants than they expected. Steve got ( Read more... )

Got a response email back from the outpatient manager. He's been in Texas for the last week and had absolutely no idea what's going on. He stated he'd follow up and figure out what's happened and them get back to me.

Well, that makes me feel a little better. Even if no interview comes out of this situation I at least know that it wasn't the manager' ( Read more... )

I am sick. Everyone at my clinical site is getting sick. I've entered the "my mucus/saliva is so thick while lying down I cannot sleep. Even for just 5 minutes." I am miserable and seriously tired, and am considering calling in sick tomorrow.

On the plus side, I will have potentially have 3 phone interviews next week at some point, likely all on ( Read more... )

A quick post on my lunch break. Clinical is going well. I think I could see myself working inpatient after graduation, which is a huge plus. That means more money! I honestly cannot wait to start making a positive income. Technically, though, I won't be making a positive income for many years. Being so far in debt is terrifying. I'm not sure of the ( Read more... )

I woke up this morning at 4:30 with a nightmare. It was a cross between the show, Walking Dead, and my own zombie interpretation. I don't know WHY I'm dreaming of zombies, considering I find absolutely no fascination with them whatsoever.

It was odd. I was in my hometown of West Dundee, Illinois when a bunch of cars and tanks drive down the street ( Read more... )