99 million americans have praised ( Read more... )

99 booths are at the street fair
99 things NOT to do
so let's walk instead
filled solely with dread
because the grand finale of the night is a dance from the cheerleaders of the utah jazz, and it's certain to be almost as anti-climactic as sex with the freshman.

99 lesbian rockers on air ( Read more... )

99 dildos in dennis's ass ( Read more... )

99 homos in the gay club
99 homos are gay
they're dancin' around
and paintin the town
and have anonymous unprotected sex in a dirty bathroom stall for all of the world to see, and i like to watch because it satisfies my raging case of penis envy

99 fat chicks are on jenny jones,
99 fat chicks on smack.
the fight and they yell,
they flash and they smell,
and then they all end up having sex with the same 3'2" midget named rodrigo, who has a bondage fetish, and enjoys collecting miniature ceramic cats.

these pants have a rip in them like bush's gaping butthole.

99 hits of x in your mouth, 99 hits of x
you roll to all ends, makeout with your friends,
and wake up early sunday morning, alone and naked in a boat in the middle of a lake... in connecticut... 40 miles from the nearest pay phone.

99 liters of beer in the keg, 99 liters of beer
you chug it all down, like an ass-clown
and wake up three days later, in newark, with 4 broken teeth, no wallet, and pidgeons having sex on your face.

JOHN ALEX IS COMING TO UTAH IN A FEW WEEKS, AND WE'RE GONNA HANG OUT, AND IT'S GONNA BE AWESOME, AND I'LL GET ONE OF THE BEST HUGS, AND I'LL CHILL WITH ONE OF MY BOSTON BOYS, AND I CAN'T FUCKING WAIT.