I'm a horrible fat fucking person

I hate myself.

I will not eat tomorrow. Staying strong. I hope. Why am I so fucked up all the time.


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I was pretty nervous to go away for the weekend with my husband and my goal of trying not to worry about calories and such. But somehow we had a truly great weekend. I have been so focused on my body and the gym and work an internship and school that I managed to forget my husband. I forgot his needs and our relationship. We had a great weekend ( Read more... )

Well today I was focused until dinner time. I worked so hard between the gym drinking water and eating right. Then Bam Fucked up. Tomorrow I'm focused and going hard all day. I'm going away this weekend with my husband for a get-away that we need bad. I'm never home as I'm so busy with school work and my internship. It's supposed to be a weekend ( Read more... )

I'm so depressed.

I hate my life. Aside from my loved ones. I hate me. I hate everything about me. I am fat. Ugly. Stupid. I am failing a class already. I have low sodium levels they are freaking out about and I'm so stressed and overwhelmed it's insane.

I just want everything to be ok. I wish I lived in a world where normal existed.


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I had a horrible week last week. Between eating way too much and bad as well as skipping gym days and holding knifes to my wrists while I was drunk just wanting to die. But it's a new week. And I'm not gonna get down. I'm going to work my ass off this week get focused and do better.

Here's to a positive week everyone. Love all of you ladies. Xx


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I feel like I'm never gonna get a break. I chose recovery. I chose to try to be normal again. I didn't like the first doctor. Now I have to drive over an hour away to see this other one. The closest one that's accepting patients and takes my insurance. I feel so defeated. Like I'm going to have to try to do this on my own.

At this point I have ( Read more... )

Fuck. I just ate TWO doughnuts Come the fuck on. Ugh.

Why do I do this shit. Fuck. Just got to the gym. I won't be leaving here until I've burned it all off. And then some. Fuck.

I am so tired. Between hardly eating the last few days, working everyday for the last week and school full time along with my internship. I'm exhausted.

I keep trying to think about recovery. About getting better. But I still am so scared of letting go and being fat still. I keep thinking if I get down to go weight then I can figure out recovery.
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Well I saw the psychologist yesterday. He put words in my mouth and belittled my marriage. Then expressed how important it was I was on the highest dose of Prozac. Needless to say, I won't be going back. I'm going to see my regular doctor Monday and I'm going to ask to be sent to a new therapist. I had the worst night at work. Someone tried to fire ( Read more... )

Well I had an amazing day!!! I consumed 508 calories and burned 583!!!! Boom!!!!!! Negative net. Most amazing thing!!! God that feels awesome I haven't done that in a long time!! You know how on myfitness pal it tells what you'll weigh in 5 weeks?! Best one yet!!!


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