a black blotch is suddenly noticed on your beautiful white gown.

a tear drop then falls to your lap and leaves another black stain.

i get up to walk away from you and turn to leave a bucket of ink at your feet.

i rung my insides out for this.

before there is any chance to question i'm already embedded in the night sky

i slept in today. i was supposed to turn in a paper for writing composition. and i was supposed to take a test in philosophy.

in other news, it appears to be a beautiful day outside. and i am free for the remainder of it

cross your fingers america and maybe i wont ruin the rest of my day

i feel like crying right now so bad. shit is still fucked with haley. my mind is playing tricks on me and i wish that it would stop.

take a look at me now. there's just an empty space.

its time to start gettin serious about finding me a new therapist and/or psychiatrist. i'm starting to trip myself out.

just keep stayin high, but i still have that feeling in my stomach. i smile and laugh but i still feel down.

i wish i could sprout wings and leave you forever.

i understand that parents argue.

i understand that other parents are much worse with fighting than mine are.

i just wish they wouldn't do it in front of me or where i can hear it. since i woke up 30minutes ago, i've heard them argue twice. once because my dad yelled at my sister to angrily. the other time they were trying to agree on something fun ( Read more... )

orlando was sweet. that club I-Bar or however you write it was perty fun. good song followed by good song. i kept sayin "arite after this song, we need to go get some water." definately the phrase of the night., or the club part of the night.
back at the hotel after jocelin passed out, me and michelle decided to actually get up and go hop the gate ( Read more... )

just finished The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky.

man. i am so fucking down. that book was intense. and i have other shit going on in the back of my mind. it reminds me of a scene in the book. where Charlie fucked up really bad b/c he doesnt think before he jumps. nor do i.

i'll compose a to-do list:

• hurt you


• hurt myself
( Read more... )

conclusion of my night: i hate having to anticipate things ahead of me in life and i hate having to make desicions that will affect me and/or others for the better or for the worse. thus, i would prefer to have my life ended abruptly and would like to be oblivious to the fact that my life will be ending in the next second or so.
  i am aware that ( Read more... )

so i'm left to this big decision....hit two birds with one stone, or reside in my black hole...surprisingly enuf, this is a tough choice for me to make

i now regret ahving the use of my fingers...thanks to the me letting out my whole fucking thought process a few nights back. THANK YOU SELF ( Read more... )