Relieved, yet not... and why aren't I? I am extremely relieved that Ilinca's mother is now not acting the way she was and that everything is seemingly resolved... and I'm so happy that Ilinca is happy and sounds musically gleeful. And yet, I just started crying. Why, why, why? It makes no sense. I was skippingly cheerful walking home... I don't ( Read more... )

Note to self: do not watch 'Heavenly Creatures' when theoretically presented with the enforced absence of a person who is recklessly interspersed within all/most of your thoughts ( Read more... )

Not tired, want to read. Finished 'Psyche in a Dress.' Nothing else I have seems to fit my mood at the moment. Which pines for dreamy, lyrical, mystical ( Read more... )

did no one else notice how miserable marisa looked this evening? it's like i could touch how much she felt disconnected to the whole open-mic. she made me want to write her a thousand poems about how much she means to the world. how important her protest is, her life. how much she helps even when she doesn't think she could. or at least how much ( Read more... )

i feel strange. in-between sort of. in a few different ways. i feel nostalgic, kind of. but in a very weepy, childishly irritated way. i feel like a liar. or i just hate being evasive. because i am, sometimes. i feel idealistic. or i am idealizing. somewhat hopeful, sort of, sometimes. i feel like a little girl. an idiotic little girl. no, i don't ( Read more... )

despite the sometimes devastating effects of my emotions, i am really glad that i am not a sociopath. i think it must be the most horrifying thing in the world to live your life without feeling, without the direction of that acute sense of whatever it may be depending on the situation... i think, maybe, it's not so awful being this way. although i ( Read more... )

confused and unsure are the words of the day.

afterthought:
hooray for foul-smelling nail polish.

i have to keep myself busy or else i'm going to drift off into meaninglessness. you know those days where you wake up and you think "oh how great, another inconsequential day.... didn't i wake up like this yesterday?" yes, i am afraid of this. art, art, exercise. exercise, exercise, art. constant movement and no time for stasis because stasis means ( Read more... )

sometimes i stop to contemplate whether or not it's enough to be a part of a largely feminist lesbian subculture... i sit, i stare off and think... am i just another statistic... a caricature of hundreds of young white girls who found grrrl punk and graffitti and thought "hey, everyone is fucking blind." and am i uptight? because other people aren' ( Read more... )

my first beacon-related party experience occurred upon having graduated from the actual school. a ridiculous, teenage, beer-stained benefit for an organization entitled 'misled youth' [and may i say that the best way to promote support for a support group called that is to not ID underagers and get them drunk while simultaneously inviting over pot ( Read more... )