Title: At Least I Remember, I Love You
Translator: Shattered Tenshi
Rating: PG
Fandom: JE
Genre: AU, Romance
Pairing: Nishikido Ryo x Kamenashi Kazuya
Warnings: BL/Shounen-ai. Unbeta-ed
Part One |
Part Two |
Part Three At Least I Remember, I Love You
By Zheung Yuu
Translated by Shattered Tenshi
Chapter Four
If time can just stop and not move, wouldn't that be great? I wish that time would forever stop on October 24th.
One hand stuffed in his jeans' pocket, Ryo stared at the calendar on the wall blankly. Kamenashi who was cooking lunch in the kitchen, noticed Ryo just standing there, so he poked his head out and asked, "What's wrong?"
Ryo looked back at Kamenashi and smiled. "Nothing. It's just that oyaji wants me to go on a blind date tomorrow."
"Oh?" Kamenashi dropped his head and bit on his lip, then went back into the kitchen to continue making lunch.
From Kamenashi's tone, Ryo knew that Kamenashi really did mind. So he walked into the kitchen and hugged the other from behind, whispering in his ear, "What is it? You don't want me to go?"
Kamenashi lowered his head and pouted, keeping his eyes on the two bowls of ramen that he had just finished making. Seeing that Kamenashi wasn't reacting, Ryo bit down on the other's earlobe and continued, "If you don't say anything, I'll agree to marrying that woman!"
"Don't." Kamenashi spoke immediately, but he still didn't lift his head to look at Ryo.
Ryo stroked Kamenashi's head, and was surprised to see several drops of water falling on top of the ramen. Ryo forcefully turned Kamenashi around immediately. Lifting his face, Ryo noticed drops of tears rolling down from the corner of Kamenashi's eyes. Ryo quickly wiped away the tears on Kamenashi's face and asked softly, "Why are you crying?"
Kamenashi looked at Ryo with a pair of glassy eyes. His lips quivering, he buried in his face in Ryo's chest, saying quietly, "Can you not go?"
"But Oyaji wants me to go." Ryo scratched his head. After losing his memories, it seemed like his personality changed a bit as well. He wanted to argue with his father but then he didn't know how to go about it.
Hugging Kamenashi, Ryo brushed the other's hair and asked, "Is Kame-chan afraid that I'll like that woman?"
Kamenashi shook his head and just kept on hugging Ryo, letting his tears fall down.
In order to make Kamenashi who was feeling down happier, after the two of them finished eating their ramen, Ryo then tugged on Kamenashi's hand, saying he wanted to go to the department store and walk around. As the two entered the store, Kamenashi who was following behind Ryo still didn't say anything. Glancing at Kamenashi, Ryo's mood turned bad as well. He didn't know how to make Kamenashi smile again.
The two stood in front of a display of stuffed animals. There were monkeys, dogs, bears. Touching those soft animals, Ryo started to smile. "Look, they're really cute! Kame-chan likes stuffed animals, right? I don't know why, but there's a feeling in my mind that's telling me that you like stuffed animals."
As Kamenashi looked at the animals in front of him, his tears started falling again. He really, really wanted to tell Ryo, the one who liked stuffed animals wasn't him...
Seeing that Kamenashi was crying once again, Ryo started to feel flustered.
Through his tears, Kamenashi saw Ryo holding a big turtle plushie and spoke in a cute voice, "Don't cry! Otherwise I'll start crying too."
Like a good boy, Kamenashi stopped his tears. He looked at Ryo only to find the other's face filled with embarrassment and not knowing what to do. Kamenashi took the turtle plushie from Ryo's arms and put it back where it belonged. Taking Ryo's hand, he tilted his head and said, "Let's go back home?"
"Un." Ryo nodded his head and went back with Kamenashi.
During the night, Kamenashi sat alone on the chair. Looking at the letter on the desk, his tears started to roll down his face quietly again.
If only time can be stopped, how good would that be. I wish, the sun would never rise, the moon would never disappear.
Wearing a suit neatly, Ryo was going to board the taxi when Kamenashi gave a letter to him. Ryo looked at the letter with a confused expression, then Kamenashi said, "Just before Ryo goes to the date, please read this letter first?"
"Un." Ryo nodded his head, then turned around and got on the taxi.
After watching Ryo's departure, Kamenashi suddenly felt like his heart had turned to nothing. Ludging his heavy feet, he slowly went back to the apartment. Opening the room's door, he looked at his packed bag and drop by drop, tears suddenly fell again.
Ryo looked at the letter that Kamenashi handed to him, a look of confusion on his face. At first, he had planned to read the letter once he arrived at the hotel, but in the end, he couldn't fight against his curiosity and read it in the taxi.
Ryo:
Ryo, the person that you will meet at the blind date, perhaps when you see her face, it will make you remember those memories buried at the bottom of your heart. That person, is the twin sister of Uchi. Maybe Ryo will ask, who's Uchi.
Uchi, that's the person Ryo loved the most! When we were in high school, Ryo and Uchi met. You were always so gentle towards Uchi and you were never harsh towards him. At that time, Uchi was also my best friend. Whenever you guys any sort of worries or came across an obstacle, he would run to me for advice. I really like Uchi because he was really cute and understood people very well. But, I also really hated him because Ryo, you loved Uchi. You loved him so much that you don't have space for anyone else in your heart.
That time when you arguing with your father about going to Tokyo, it was because Uchi wished to go to Tokyo to attend university. You wanted to be with Uchi.. At that time your father didn't tell me to come take care of you, I just came on my own. Then, the three of us lived together in that apartment. Every day, I had to watch you guys being extremely sweet, and it felt really, really awful in my heart, and at the same time, I started hating Uchi. Why can Uchi receive so much of you love when you guys only know each other for a few years? Why did your eyes never have me in them when I grew up with you?
Ryo, didn't I tell you, I went on a trip earlier on? That wasn't it. A while ago, Uchi and I were in a car accident. Because I wasn't paying attention and walked out on the road and didn't notice a car was coming my way. Uchi saw and pushed me away. Uchi died because of that accident, and the scar on my forehead was also formed then. At that time, I was in the hospital. You came to see Uchi one last time. Then, you came into my room and told me, "You're not my friend."
At that time, you wouldn't know how your words have left a deep wound in my heart. After I left the hospital, I just kept on crouching in front of the apartment's door, not having the courage to step in. Because I was scared to your face filled with annoyance and hatred.
But I would have never expected Ryo to lose your memories. Was it because the shock was too great and you lost your memories? During this time, I was really touched and happy that I can be loved by you. I never thought that one day, Ryo would hug me, kiss me. Everything that should have been real only in dreams actually became reality. So, I was really happy. While I was being held by you and kissed by you, my heart also filled with guilt and regret. Every sentence that you spoke to me, Ryo, do you remember? You spoke them to Uchi as well. It was like I've become Uchi's shadow, for you to love.
Did you know? The one who like stuffed animals isn't me, it's Uchi. When I heard you say those words, it was like needles piercing into my heart. Ryo, I'm really sorry...for lying to you, for making you lose Uchi. I'm really sorry.
Even though it was just for a short few days, being loved by you made me feel really happy and blessed. Thank you.
Good-bye...
Kamenashi
Ryo's body froze as he held on to the letter. His eyes blank, waves of memories kept on appearing in his mind. Past memories were like a film in his mind, being played non-stop. He remembered a face, a face that was smiling, a face that was crying. That face wasn't very clear, but he could see it vaguely. Blinking his eyes, his eyes that were originally dried were wet, not knowing from when. One by one, tears rolled down his face, his heart getting more and more confused.
The moment his tears ran down, he remembered Kamenashi's face. Maybe he had once loved that person named Uchi, but now...the one he loved, the one who he missed was Kamenashi!
Looking towards the driver, Ryo blurted out, "Please drive back."
After paying the fare, Ryo got off and rushed into the apartment. Looking at the empty room, Ryo's strength left in a moment. Why wasn't Kamenashi there?
Glancing at the clock on the wall, he realized going and coming back took him nearly four hours. Just then, the phone started to ring and Ryo picked it up quickly. From the other side came Ryo's father's angry voice. Ryo didn't pay attention and cut the call short immediately. Then he called Kamenashi. When a cellphone ring came from the bedroom, he knew Kamenashi didn't bring his cellphone with him when he left.
Ryo started to panic. He walked into the room and opened the closet, but found that all of Kamenashi's clothes were there. Tears creating a mist in his eyes, his whole heart was panicking. Losing Kamenashi, losing Kamenashi...he didn't want to imagine it!
Ryo quickly ran out of the apartment and kept on running on the streets, trying to find that familiar figure. Searching each place, even though he had lived here for a long time, but to Ryo, they were all unfamiliar to him. Passing the unfamiliar train station, the familiar Chinese restaurant, department store...but he couldn't spot Kamenashi anywhere.
When he reached the park, Ryo kneeled on the ground, feeling powerless. Lifting his head to look at the sky, it was slowly growing dark. Where was Kamenashi now?
The cold air can be felt in his bones. The icy drops on his cheeks and the cold wind blowing were like needles, piercing at his skin. Lifting his head, Kamenashi was surprised to find the evening sky spraying some rain down. His fingertips numbed from the cold, Kamenashi shrugged his shoulders up and walked forward slowly. Bending down, he placed the bouquet of flowers in his hands on to the ground. His fingers seemed to be frozen, so he blew a breath of warm air towards his palms, then kept on rubbing them against each other. Crouching down, he rested for a bit before picking up the flowers and walked again.
Arriving at the side of the road, Kamenashi stopped and bent down to place down the flowers. Clapping his hands together, he said softly, "Uchi...sorry...I'm really sorry!"
One by one, tears fell from his eyes. With the wind blowing on to his face, it got even colder.
Kamenashi stood up slowly, then dragging his feet along, he started to leave.
That's when someone suddenly pulled Kamenashi into his or her arms. Kamenashi's body tensed. Feeling a familiar warmth and scent, he turned his head around slowly and met with Ryo's eyes. Ryo just hugged Kamenashi tightly, only hoping to give the other a bit of warmth.
"Ryo...don't." Kamenashi was so cold that his lips had turned white, and it took a lot of effort for him to say those two words.
"Idiot! It's nearly November. How come you're still wearing so little?" Ryo yelled, hugging Kamenashi tightly, as if he was afraid the other would disappear the next moment.
"Let me go..." Kamenashi closed his eyes, wanting to be held by Ryo like that for his whole life, but at the same time, wished that Ryo would let go of him.
"No! Now that I caught you, I'm never letting go," Ryo said, his tears rolling out one by one, falling on to Kamenashi's neck.
"Uchi will see..." Kamenashi said softly. "Uchi will feel sad."
"I've forgotten my past with him, and I've also forgotten my past with you. But at least I remember, I love you," Ryo shouted, walking to the front of Kamenashi, looking at the face that was pale because of the cold. "That's why, don't mention Uchi again? Right now, the one I want is you, the one I love is you."
Kamenashi looked at Ryo. His tears rolling out one by one, he kneeled on the ground limply and cried, covering his face. Ryo followed and kneeled down as well, hugging Kamenashi. He said softly, "Let's go back. Go back with me. I can't lose you."
"Ryo..." Kamenashi dropped his heads and lifted his head to look at Ryo. Why...why was he able to get the love of this person in front of him?
"Kame-chan..." Both hands lifting Kamenashi's face, Ryo leaned in closer and kissed Kamenashi's lips. "Once the past is lost, let's not look back anymore. I just want to treasure the present with Kame-chan, and embrace our future happiness."
Hearing Ryo's words, Kamenashi just hugged Ryo tightly, burying his face against Ryo's chest and bawled.
Happy, he was really happy...that he can have this person's love, that he can have this person's kiss...all this made Kamenashi feel that a miracle had happened.
No matter how cold the night, how strong the wind, this two will never feel cold again. A heart that loved each other made them feel warm.
-END-
Notes: Yes, that's the end. I told you it wasn't long. And I think the story progressed into a direction that some people didn't expect. =3 But of course you guys still like it right? //whacked//
So hm...for those of you wondering, no I won't be translating that Japanese RyoKame fic I've mentioned the past two chapters. First of all, it's Japanese. This fic I just finished translating was Chinese. I can't translate Japanese. I can read, but translating is a bit awkward. Second, I don't know if I'll be translating any more Chinese fics because I hate translating incomplete works...and that's what the other RyoKame multi-chaptered fics I've read are. Incomplete. ><'' So yea...not to mention they've been incomplete for more than half a year...I'd really rather not start translating something like that.
Also...also...crud, I lost my trail of thought.
Um well, RPG-wise, RyoKame finally got together? XDDD;;; They're still awkward though. Ish. And apparently Kame is too girly, but //shrug// All my muses are pretty girly. Or maybe I've been reading too many Chinese fics that might be cheesy...and I've read too many Shoujo manga when I was younger. I don't know. Feel free to come up with an explanation.
Oh, right. I didn't translate this in a lecture if you were wondering. I translated the weekend after I finished the other three chapters in lectures. So I basically started to post after all the translations were done. X3;; It's just...that way I know I don't have to leave people hanging because otherwise I do that with my own fics. I'm a slow writer.
Anyways. This is really long. I'll stop now.
Comments are love because I'll be sending off the links to the author and I'm sure she'll love to know how much you guys loved her fic. =D