So I've been thinking about relationships and things today. I've thought about how valiantly I haven't wanted one lately and decided to analyze myself a little to be honest about why I don't want one. I really don't like most conventional relationships. It's fucking stupid that there's a "standard" of what one should be. I never really thought ( Read more... )

So every once in a while, I get this feeling. It's a strange, unsettling feeling of an origin which I've never understood. Today, I think I finally know where it comes from. Let me start by explaining the feeling. It's a feeling of my life being run on autopilot. I feel as though I am watching myself live and make decisions on a daily basis due to ( Read more... )

Finally got back into Brazilian Jiu-jitsu. Yesterday was my first day back and I loved being there, but it really let me know how out of shape I am. I guess I already knew that I was about 20-30 lbs more than I should be, but my cardio has definitely gone way down since I was 21. Being back really does feel great though; it's exhilarating to roll ( Read more... )

What am I doing? Why did I put myself here? Who am I? Sometimes I really don't know anymore. Recently, I've been putting so much effort into other people than myself. Trying to make people happy, trying to reveal to them things about them that people dislike, all sorts of things. I have this burning need inside of me to feel appreciated by people, ( Read more... )

Hmmm so finally the day I've waited to come for so long is almost here. I've been dying to go back to school and I've had absolutely no second thoughts about it. Now that day is almost here, and thinking about it fills me with a sort of anxiety. This feeling is difficult to describe as any specific emotion. I think I could better explain it in ( Read more... )

A moth wanders aimlessly out in the cold. His wings flap furiously as he struggles to stay afloat. This moth is not particularly beautiful. It is an average moth just trying to find warmth in this sub-zero world. Racing through the air he finds a small crack of light in a church doorway that hasn't been closed all the way. Veering his way in, he ( Read more... )

Just woke up from another dream about someone trying to kill me. I don't remember all the details very well, but I'll see what I can throw together.. There was a random girl that was put in prison, and I remember hearing "she's going to come after you when she gets out. I was in a house similar to my house back in La Puente. I remember thinking ( Read more... )

I'm frustrated right now. I've had bad luck with finding just the right thing to offend a friend of mine on Facebook recently. One that stood out to me was when I used the term "gay" to refer to my musical taste as flamboyant/feminine. I've had tons of respect for gays, and most the people in my life are bisexual. It isn't a new thing to me and I ( Read more... )

I've recently decided that I need to turn my life around, but I didn't really have a solid idea of what I wanted to do. I just knew I needed something different. I've spent a lot of time dwelling on social issues that I've pretty much created for myself. Yesterday, while eating lunch with my dad, we were talking about what I want to do in life. ( Read more... )

So I've been doing a lot of music listening lately. Nothing has come close to catching my attention nearly as much as this album. Prior to this, I've heard her big album with "Fidelity" on it. THat album is a pretty good album, much like many other good albums out there. This one, however, is one that seems to defy categorization. I couldn't ( Read more... )