yesterday I had a memory out of the blue. it was weird.

I remembered that I once tried fucking a peanut butter and jelly sammy on the back of the schoolbus. The bread got smushed to pieces and I ended up with supercrunch glop all over my beautiful horsecock.

I got a job on a gay ranch in Montana. It's a long story. My official title is stable hand, but I spend most of my days with a mop.

The meth out here is fantastic.

Well, I did a bid upstate on a bullshit case that landed me on the sex offender registry, so yes people, livestock counts, haha. Anyway, I made it through ok and now I'm looking for work. I would appreciate any help. In the joint I worked in the kitchen, so I'm thinking food service. I live in Brooklyn and I'm 52 years old. I'm ready to be a ( Read more... )

So if I want to keep my VA benefits alive I got this notice that I had to go in for a complete physical. I was afraid that they’d give me a blood test and find all the weird stuff in my system, but then I thought haha do they test blood for windex and fantastic? I don’t think so, sunny jim ( Read more... )

ok so it's been a while, I had to clean up off the cleaning products because my teeth were falling out. Teeth falling out is a drag, especially when you're in a social situation. If you burp or fart you say "excuse me" but the other day I was in McCluskey's arguing with that fat fuck Joe about the Mets, and I couldn't think of that new Jap's name ( Read more... )

My parole officer told me to expect a home visit last night. Ever since I sued her she stopped making me moisten her clam when I report to her office. Now she’s all nicey nice. She even told me she that she wouldn’t be coming to my house alone, she’d be coming with this other dickwad Officer Nelson Lafurge, a mormon motherfucker in her office. ( Read more... )

Whew what a fuckin trip this is. So anyway I’ve graduated to harder cleaning products, now I’m spraying pledge down my throat. I didnt get the idea from anybody, I made it up myself after I remember all those happy horny housewives in the commercials when I was a kid. Wipe away the cobwebs with pledge. I guess you could say I’ve taken the ( Read more... )

Yesterday I was in my lawyer's office getting ready for my depasition that's happeneing next week. That's where PO Stollaer's lawyer gets to ask me questions about how she made me lick her vagina when my urine turned up dirty, which was all the time. Mr. McGackle told me to make sure I was sober and cleaned up. Clean I know I can handle. I ( Read more... )

Today I found out that my co-spermboy whose called Gumby used to be the sweatboy for the knicks. He was the guy who ran out with the mop when the teams were lined up at the line for a fould shot and all the guys would drip sweat onto the court. Gumby says that Ewing was the sweatingest person he'd ever seen. I'm glad Ewing don't come in here, ( Read more... )

Ok so my lawyer said that if I want the lawsuit againt my PO to work out I can't violate parole, so I had to get a job. As of today I'm the new sperm boy at Spankys, the porno place on thrid avenue. I mop up the booths. Sometimes the customers "finish" before their quarters run out, and I get to watch the stuff for free ( Read more... )