yesterday i lost a significant piece of jewelry somewhere between here and a bike ride to the metreon. im still quite bummed out about it. it was one of the two bracelets that carg gave me. i still have the other but its tough losing something like that. tough for me at least. the toughest though was the bracelet i lost in south dakota that jackie ( Read more... )

i must confess, one of the primary reasons of my inactivity in my journal is due to my re-playing of old nintendo games on my pc. ive found an emulator for practically every system and subsequently purchased a gaming controller. ive been stuck trying to collect the 100 stars in super mario 64. i dont know why but theres comfort in the games that i ( Read more... )

ive sat down at this place and at this space often of lately. its just that i start a sentence and all too quickly find that nothing comes out. its certainly not due to a lack of happenings. i can easily put that argument to rest. for instance yesterday i declined the week old offer of getting back with the-other-jonathan under a new arrangement, ( Read more... )

i had a dream this morning that mixed up several significant parts of my life in one moment. well several significant relationships that is and of course the center of the dream was patrick and jamie. i was back in that emotional place where they left me and jackie had called me and left me a voice mail that i wish i had. it was lengthy and she ( Read more... )

its dana but somehow i knew that. really as i was walking away, trying to comprehend what a protein stain was i thought to myself. i already knew your name was dana and how weird is that since this is our first true introduction. his name never appeared on the receipt, though mind you i have always looked, just his employee number. they dont wear ( Read more... )

when my dad died ( Read more... )

ive often wondered that if my drinking is driven by a subconscious attempt to shut off my dreams. the more sober i am the more wild they get. the worlds in my mind can be twisted and full of fear. or simply just twisted. take last night for instance ( Read more... )

i swam 60 laps tonight in about 45 minutes. as im processing this great withdrawal i find the pool the only place i can enjoy myself. the only place noone is expecting me to act in some way. no explaining or defending any behavior. no heavy emotions and certainly no drama. ive learned that my problems and everything that is stressing me out, cannot ( Read more... )

i had a nice dinner last week with lancypants but the dinner was neither here nor there. it was the conversation that brought us together, though this time it was i that was in need. i that had so much to get off my chest in a brain storming, just get it all out in any order it comes kinda way. and i think the main thing that is still resonating in ( Read more... )

i spent an awful weekend pretending to be comfortable. pretending to enjoy myself as i drank deeply from my pinot and the memories that comprise me. the memories that consume me. and on the many deep levels this weekend was wrong, my extreme allergic reaction to chris and hector's cats was the most obvious. the others were easily recognizable to ( Read more... )