i spent an awful weekend pretending to be comfortable. pretending to enjoy myself as i drank deeply from my pinot and the memories that comprise me. the memories that consume me. and on the many deep levels this weekend was wrong, my extreme allergic reaction to chris and hector's cats was the most obvious. the others were easily recognizable to ( Read more... )

i wanted to express an incident that occurred the other night here in an attempt to get it out of my head. i still feel all weird about it and im not sure how to express how it made me feel. i can for certain say it made me feel awful. and from the beginning i had a feeling that something like this would happen but i didnt realize it would go down ( Read more... )

there are melodies in my head
lyrics in my heart.

distant memories of the sun,
reflecting off of you.
reflecting off of me.
reflecting off of the heaven we just about brought down.
the nuclear possibilities we brought here.
between both of you and both of me.

i often think of the time, we will run into each.

its funny how certain things come back around when you had thought they had already come and gone. and tonights text and subsequent conversation has led me to wonder, are we coming back around or is this the gone part. was it really just a polite parting goodbye that i hear from this nick and everything else he has come to embody. or was it an ( Read more... )

quickly before i go get breakfast, before i make breakfast, even before i have my coffee i must get this here before i lose it. i had an interesting dream this morning, one of this extra vivid ones that come in the morning after youve woken up but have fallen back asleep. i was at a new college. i met lancypants and two other people for lunch at a ( Read more... )

ok so back to the matter at head. you know, the one that has me here writing all this coded shit from my head to here in an attempt to make sense. to see where it is im going, where it is ive come from and most importantly who it is im becoming. yeah, just the little stuff there ( Read more... )

theres something about this band that just completely draws me to them regardless of any potential for destruction. ive only just found them but im consumed with their moth drawing quality. with my life direction movement. with my relationship attempt. with whatever it is keeping me back from whatever it is i should or should not do ( Read more... )

finals week always brings a realization of an exhaustion i had never quite noticed before and this particular semester brought one larger than all others before. ive come to the brink of an understanding that ive never quite grasped before and that is how and why someone drops out of college. its been a rough one this go round.

as i was crossing ( Read more... )

last night i came to one of my greatest realizations. it has to do with my current boyfriend and every past one since. with all their ideas of what a relationship is and how theyve never once come close to what my idea is. and how this street has never changed, even though i always end up here. end up here surrounded by all these faces that ( Read more... )

so i snapped at my boyfriend tonight because he was so fucking unsure if he could fit in the parking spot. because he was so stressed about driving. because he was so worried about finding a spot. and i said, if you cant fucking fit in there, get out and let me do it. of course that may have been the wrong thing to say but im so tired of fucking ( Read more... )