This is me saying hello to the little birdie who reads my journal and then uses it to heighten the drama in my life...Thank you for trying, fuck off, and goodbye...

To those who actually are my friends, expect all entries to be private from now on.      I hate nosy assholes.

well, its started. I wasn't ready, but since when does that matter. Chris met us at the beach tonight. It was the drum circle. He, AGAIN, refused to dance with me. I tried not to let it ruin my night...wasn't going to start (THE conversation) until i was ready. But Chris called me once he was home and asked me what my problem was. So i had to talk ( Read more... )

I want to do whats best. I want to be true to myself. I don't want to hurt chris. I dont want to be alone. But isn't it wrong to be with him if i'm not really happy? Isnt it wrong to say i love you to him if i know there is a huge shadow over us? I feel like the right thing to do is break up with him, because he has a very defined future in his ( Read more... )

I just realized that im just playing a game. It is gonna have a high cost, but im in it now...I might as well play it out, even though no matter what, everyone loses eventually.  I don't know how to bow out now, but i KNOW that soon i will have to ( Read more... )

Apparently I'm an idiot. or a masochist. I just spent 3 hours tormenting myself and even more so someone i care about very much. I have missed him so much and i forced him to spend time with me. Now i am going to spend the next month wallowing in guilt and regret over actions that happend over a year ago. I hate when i actually have to deal with ( Read more... )

A survey about my Boyfriend...

-What is your favorite thing about your partner?
He has a habit of infecting me withwhat we call "Retard Fits"  in which we wrestle, tickle, play, joke, and laugh uncontrollably.

-What is your least favorite thing about your partner? 
Mostly we have the same flaws, and that means we dont balance eachother out.

-If ( Read more... )

I don't ever want to forget the way i feel right now. I want to remember that sometimes life isn't so scary ( Read more... )

So it's been a while since i posted anything. Not because i have nothing to say, rather i have so much on my mind that i don't know where to start.  I've started an entry at least 20 times, only to cease within the first paragraph. However, i think the time has come to sort out my thoughts. For me the best way to do that is often to write them, so ( Read more... )

Im having an instant message conversation with a friend and its rather difficult. Cause we're talking about what it feels like to have a broken heart. and the song killing me softly keeps running through my head.....strumming my pain with his finger, singing my life with his words...

egregious fellow (4:18:17 AM): like knowing you shouldnt care but ( Read more... )