Fic: I Watch The Sun as it Comes Up, I Watch It as It Sets -- Waiting 'Verse -- R
Title: I Watch the Sun as it Comes Up, I Watch it as it Sets
'Verse: Waiting to Begin
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: R
Summary: It figures that running into him for the first time in two years, she's got a margarita dripping down her skirt and Jensen looks perfect.
You probably want to read the rest of the 'verse first:
One | Two | Three | Four | Five | Six
Interlude
Wayfaring Sons
It's day one of Spring Break and Adrianne's already pissed off. Bria's being a bitch, no real surprise, though she could have at least waited one day to make Taryn cry. Taryn's still heartbroken over Matt and acting like she's not and, fuck, Adrianne's going to kill Bria if it turns out she really did hook up with him. Hannah's drunk already, also no real surprise, though the margarita she'd sloshed down Adrianne's skirt as she tottered on her stilettos had been a shock.
Adrianne cleans her skirt off as well as she can in the bathroom and tells herself she's getting new friends. She always says she's getting new friends but she never does. She's not sure why, exactly, since she doesn't even really like them. They probably don't like her, either. Popular girls have always mystified her, and she's still just as confused now that she's one of them.
She's on her way back to the table, wondering if she should get drunk and hook up or just go back to her room and read, when there's a hand on her arm and then arms around her waist. She's about to shove off whatever drunk loser has grabbed a hold of her when she hears his voice.
"Look at you! You look amazing! Look at my girl."
She turns and wraps her arms around his neck and she's holding on to her best friend for the first time in two years. She pulls back to look at him and her heart's beating in her throat. It's ridiculous how good he looks. He has no business looking that good--he should have gotten fat or lost his hair or maybe aged poorly.
Instead, in the years since she's seen him, his face has lost the curves of youth and turned into the face of a man. His cheekbones and jaw are sharp angles. His mouth is still pretty and full. He has just enough stubble to look rugged, not so much that he looks unkempt.
It fucking figures. It fucking figures that she's got a margarita dripping down her skirt and Jensen looks perfect.
He smiles at her, his eyes soft. He's a little drunk but it looks good on him. "God," he says, "it's so good to see you."
"You too," she says. "Asshole." And she hugs him again because she's never been able to stay mad at anyone, let alone him.
"I'm going to buy you a drink," he tells her, taking her hand and pulling her towards the bar.
When Adrianne was twelve years old her best friend was a boy named Jensen Ackles. He was quiet and smart and so, so beautiful. When Adrianne was fourteen, he kissed her and asked her to go out with him. When she was fifteen, they slept together. When she was sixteen, he broke her heart. When she was seventeen, she sucked it up and tried to be his friend again and it worked, mostly. She still loved him even though she told him she was good with being just friends. She lost sixty pounds and dyed her hair and dressed differently in hopes that he'd notice her, though he never did. When Adrianne was eighteen years old, two weeks after high school graduation, Jensen disappeared from her life--from all their friends' lives--and was never heard from again.
One day he was there, the next day he was just gone. His bitch of a mother wouldn't even tell her where he'd gone. "I'll be sure to pass on your message," is all she'd say to people who wanted to see him.
Two years and Jensen has become a ghost, a story people tell each other. "Remember that guy from high school? I heard he joined the army." "No, man, he went crazy and tried to eat the family dog and he's in an institution, now." "No way, I saw him last Christmas with his mom in the grocery store." "Did not, I hear that dude's dead."
He's a ghost but he's a ghost right there in front of her, smiling and drunk and, God, still as beautiful as ever.
Jensen buys them both tropical fruit margaritas and the tequila makes Adrianne a little dizzy, but mostly it makes her brave. "Where the fuck have you been?" she demands once they've made their way onto a dark corner of the patio where it's quiet enough to talk.
He looks away from her, and no. No, he's not getting away with it, not getting away with telling her jack shit just because he's shy and pretty and wounded. That shit drove her wild in high school, made her love him and want to save him and all that stupid high school girl stuff, but she's not fifteen anymore.
She reaches out a little clumsily and turns his head so he's looking at her. "Hey," she says. "Hey, you do not get to just, I don't know, just fucking give me that whole emo pretty boy face and get out of telling me where the fuck you've been for two goddamn years."
"Not now," he tells her and he looks like he might cry. "I can't...not in a bar. I can't tell you in a fucking bar."
"Are you OK?" she asks, shifting closer to him. "You're not...I mean obviously you're not dead but are you OK?"
"Yeah," he says, so quiet she can barely hear him. "Yeah, I’m OK now, Addi. I promise."
No one's called her that in years and it makes her miss him so much. She wraps her arms around his waist and he curls one arm around her shoulders and she feels fifteen years old again. He even smells the same, not his cologne but his skin, that Jensen smell she didn't even know she remembered.
After a few minutes she pulls back and says, "We need more tequila."
He laughs and says, "Yeah, OK," and they leave their dark little corner and head back into the bar. She tries to get him to dance but he won't, no real surprise. He introduces her to his friends and she doesn't remember any of their names. Pretty brunette girl, good looking blonde guy, pretty brunette girl, good looking brunette guy, pretty brunette girl who Adrianne assumes at first must be Jensen's girlfriend. Then she notices the way the last girl can't really stand to be near him and she figures she must be an ex. She wants to hug the tiny little dark-haired girl and tell her it will be all right. Jensen breaks everybody's heart, but you get over it eventually.
Only she's not really over it because when he touches her arm, suggests they go out for some air, her heart thuds and her thighs feel tingly and weak. She wants to push him up against a wall and kiss him and shove her hand into his pants and make him cry out her name. She wants to do all the dirty things she was too shy to do when they were fifteen and sixteen years old and fucking in the dark of bedrooms and backseats.
She doesn't even know what she's saying when she suggests they go back to his room. Some bullshit about wanting quiet and someplace to wash her face. He seems to think that's perfectly reasonable which means he's either drunk or he wants to fuck her just as badly as she wants to fuck him. She thinks maybe it's both.
He tells her about his roommate on their way back to the hotel, some giant kid who makes Jensen laugh a lot. That's good. Jensen's never laughed as much as he should. She doesn't really listen to most of what he says, though, just thinks about fucking him and what he's going to taste like and what his reaction will be when he finds out that she's not shy, reserved little Addi anymore, that she knows how to take what she wants.
"Oh, hey, coffee," Jensen says as they pass a tiny little cafe. "You want coffee? I could use some coffee."
Adrianne shakes her head and tugs on his arm. "Later," she promises.
Jensen gives the coffee shop a longing backward glance but keeps walking. He's more than a little drunk since by the time they get to his room, he fumbles with his key card and drops it twice before he can get the door open. Adrianne's laughing at him and she's, fuck, she's just going to grab him, shove him onto the bed and hike her skirt up and ride him all fucking night--
She puts her hand on his shoulder as he opens his hotel room door, feels him tense, suddenly, then relax, then he's pulling away from her and instead of going in he pulls the door shut again. "Jay's back early," he whispers. "He's sleeping."
The roommate. Fuck. She doesn't even care. She'll fuck Jensen with his roommate asleep in the next bed, whatever, she just wants--
"I'll see you later, OK?" Jensen says. And then he kisses her. On the cheek. He disappears into his hotel room, leaving her there in the hallway.
She waits a beat, waits for him to open the door again. She thinks about knocking. "The fuck?" she asks the empty hallway.
She walks away from the closed door, heads back towards it, then walks away again. It figures. It fucking figures. She's such an idiot ever thinking she could get involved with him again.
**********
"He's gay," says Bria after Adrianne fills her friends in at breakfast.
She rolls her eyes. "He's not gay."
"He didn't hit that?" Bria asks. "He's gay."
"He's not gay. He's just...Jensen."
"You have to let it go," says Taryn. Like she can talk. She's been pining after the same guy for weeks. "Boys you knew in high school are always bad news."
"He's not bad news," Adrianne says. She doesn't even know why she's defending him. "He's just...Jensen."
"That's the second time you've said that." Bria reaches out to snag another Splenda for her coffee. "Explain what the hell being 'Jensen' means."
"He's just...I don't know. He's quiet and sort of...he's always thinking about other things, like a dreamer, you know? And he's so shy. He only talks to me because I've known him since kindergarten. Like, sometimes people thought he was mute."
"Sounds like a catch," Hannah grumbles, adjusting her huge black sunglasses. She thinks they make her look like Nicole Richie but really, they just make her look hungover. Which she is pretty much every morning.
"His mouth," says Adrianne, leaning back in her chair. "And his body, God, it's even better now than it was back then."
"Wait," says Taryn. "Jensen? How do I know that name? Isn't he...Christ, Adrianne, he's the guy you were crying about freshman fucking year when I met you. This same guy? Even now?"
Adrianne bites back a retort about Taryn not letting Matt go even after he'd fucked her best friend.
"Didn't he ditch every single one of his friends a week after graduation?" Taryn asks.
"He says he had a reason," Adrianne says. "He's...fuck. He's right fucking there. Don't look!"
Of course all her friends watch Jensen as he jogs across the street. He smiles at her like he's glad to see her, like he hadn't just blown her off the night before, like he hadn't totally turned down the chance of sex.
"Hey, Addi," he says.
She smiles her best smile at him. "You know, nobody calls me that anymore."
He shrugs and stuffs his hands in his pockets, looks around at her friends like they might eat him alive, which they might. She wants to be pissed at him for the shit he'd pulled the night before, but she can't. He looks warm and slightly rumpled, a little sleepy. She wants to slide her hands beneath his t-shirt and feel the heat of his skin.
"These are my friends," she tells him. "Hannah, Bria, and Taryn. This is Jensen."
"Hey," he says, giving them a small wave. Bria looks at him like he's a Birkin bag, like she's never wanted anything more. Adrianne doesn't think it will really be a problem, since Bria's over-the-top manhunter approach is best suited to horny frat guys, not someone as sensitive and aware as Jensen is.
Fuck, she's pathetic. He's obviously not interested in her. If he wants to hook up with Bria, whatever. He's obviously a flake since, hello, he just walked away from everyone he'd ever known without a single goodbye. He's obviously bad for her because, Christ, she wants him more than she's wanted a guy in a very, very long time; Adrianne has discovered that she has very bad taste in men.
She flirts with him, knows she's flirting with him, tries to stop flirting with him but doesn't. His roommate comes over and he's sweet. She tries not to resent him for getting there early and ruining her night. She tries to convince Jensen to come to the water park but he's got plans. He says he'll call her and she wonders if he will.
"Gay," says Bria after Jensen and his roommate walk away.
"He is not--"
"I'm not passing judgment," Bria tells her. "I'm just stating a fact."
"He can't be gay," she snaps. "I've fucked him." It's a lame comeback and she knows it.
Bria shrugs and sips her coffee.
Adrianne gets a sunburn at the water park and spends the late afternoon covering herself in aloe. The worst of it is on her shoulders but she's pretty sure it'll turn into a nice tan within a day or so.
Jensen doesn't call that night. She tells herself it's just because it's too soon, that he's trying to play it cool.
Jensen doesn't call her the next day. Still playing it cool, right? He's got a few days before Spring Break is over and everyone has to head back to school.
Jensen doesn't call her the day after that, either, and she has to face up to it. He's not fucking interested and he's going to disappear without a goodbye, just like he had before.
She keeps her eye out for him the rest of the week, but of course the whole island's packed with kids and she's just about given up ever running into him again when she sees him on the beach. She'd gotten bored with laying out so she'd decided to walk up the beach and there Jensen is, lounging in the shade of a huge beach umbrella.
"Hey, Jensen," she says, trying to be pissed at him. It pisses her off that it's so hard to be mad at him just because he's pretty.
He looks sleepy and mellow and totally fucked out. She doesn't even want to know.
"Hey," he says softly. Fantastic. He's got a sex-raspy voice and, hey, she's pretty sure that's a bite mark on his neck.
"You burst into flame if the sun touches your skin?" she asks, looking up at the beach umbrella.
"Nah. I was out this morning but you know how quick I burn."
She nods. She does. He's already got a bridge of freckles across his nose.
"So, uh, I didn't call you," he says after a moment of uncomfortable silence.
"I noticed."
"It wasn't because I didn't want to call you."
"Uh-huh."
"I just...there's a lot involved in calling you and I was just...procrastinating."
"So which one's yours?" she asks.
"Huh?"
She gestures toward the volleyball game. "You haven't been able to tear your eyes away and I'm guessing it's not just because you're enthralled with the sport. Which one's your girl?"
"Oh, um, well." He scratches his elbow. "The tall one in the blue trunks, though I don't think he'd appreciate being called my girl. He might. He has kind of a twisted sense of humor."
"Are you kidding me?" she demands.
"No."
"You're not kidding me."
"No."
"That guy, your roommate, he's really your roommate."
"If by roommate you mean boyfriend, then yeah."
She's a little torn between laughing and crying. She decides on laughing since she can do it in public without making people stare at her.
"Addi--"
"Oh, don't," she says, shaking her head. "Do not fucking call me that."
"You're mad."
She shakes her head.
"Why are you mad?"
"You lied to me," she says. She feels raw and open like she hasn't since she was sixteen years old and he was telling her he just wanted to be friends. "You used me as a cover."
"No," he says quickly. He shakes his head and reaches out for her hand. "It was never like that."
"Right. Because you just couldn't fucking get enough of the fat ugly little girl who followed you around like a goddamn stalker--"
"You were never ugly, Addi," he says. He says it softly and looks her in the eye. "And I was crazy about you."
"And the whole time you knew--"
"I didn't. I didn't know. I was afraid I might be, but I never...I didn't...I couldn't even say it until a year ago."
She's supposed to feel bad for him, she knows that. She's supposed to be compassionate and supportive, but she can't. She runs her fingers through her hair and sighs and gets up and fine. Fuck it. She'll be the one to walk away this time.
"Addi!" She hears Jensen call after her but she doesn't turn around, just keeps walking down the beach as fast as she can. She wants to break into a run but her bikini top's not up to it. Instead she walks until she sees Taryn and sits down on the edge of her beach towel.
"Blocking my sun," Taryn says sleepily.
Adrianne sighs and reaches into Taryn's purse for cigarettes and a lighter.
"Since when do you smoke?"
"Since I was fifteen," she snaps. It burns a little bit on the first inhale, but it's not a bad burn.
Taryn props herself up on her elbows and squints beneath her sunglasses. "What happened?"
"Jensen's gay."
"Really?"
"Oh, yeah. He's got a boyfriend and everything."
"Damn. I won't tell Bria if you don't."
"You know she hooked up with Matt, right?" Adrianne asks.
Taryn sits up and tucks her legs beneath her. "What?"
"You knew that, right? It's not a shock, right?"
Taryn sighs and looks away and Adrianne can see her eyes watering. "Yeah," Taryn whispers. "I was pretty sure."
"Why are we friends with people we don't like? I mean, does anyone like Bria?"
Taryn shrugs.
"I'm fucking sick of it. I always say I'm getting new friends and I never do, only this time I really am. I can't be friends with people I don't like, Taryn. It doesn't make any fucking sense."
"What about me?" Taryn asks softly.
Adrianne tips her head forward so her forehead touches Taryn's. "Adore you," she whispers.
"We'll be our own friends," Taryn tells her. She pulls back and looks up and Adrianne doesn't have to turn to know that Jensen's behind her. "I'm gonna go cool off in the water," Taryn says.
Adrianne closes her eyes as Jensen sits down next to her. "Braving the evil sunshine?" she asks.
"I think I got seventeen new freckles on the walk over here."
She smiles. She'd always loved his freckles.
He takes the cigarette from her hand, takes a drag, hands it back.
"Remember when we started smoking?" she asks softly.
"Hiding behind your parents' garage. Yeah, I remember."
"I didn't really want to smoke. I just did it because I wanted you to like me."
"It was your idea."
"I wanted you think I was cool and worldly. I wanted you to think I was mysterious."
"Addi--"
"And I never, I never even touched you, did I? I never made a mark. I wanted you to fall in love with me and you just..." She tucks her head down, lets her hair fall in her face like it will hide the fact that she's crying. "This is so fucking stupid. I got over you years ago."
Jensen doesn't say anything.
"You broke my heart," she says.
"I know."
"And not even, I mean, yeah. It was bad. When you broke up with me, that hurt, but I'm not even...I got over that. I got over that but then you fucking disappeared. One day you're my best friend and we're going to have one last summer together before college, and the next day you vanished."
"I told my parents," he says softly.
"Told them what?"
"That I was gay. I left for a treatment camp nine hours later."
She looks up at him. He's pale even in the sun, staring down at his hands. "They brainwashed you?"
"They didn't make me go," he whispers. "I wanted to go. I wanted to change. I hated it, Addi. I couldn't tell you because I hated it so much I couldn't even say it out loud."
"Did they break your heart at that camp?" she asks.
"No. It wasn't bad. The people there were really kind, actually."
"Why didn't you call me when you got out?"
"Because I was too ashamed to tell you where I'd been. Because I knew as hard as I'd tried, I hadn't been cured, but I was still trying to pretend. I thought if I left everything behind, started fresh...I know it's stupid, but I was willing to do anything to be straight."
"What changed?"
"I fell in love."
Adrianne smiles sadly. "And lived happily ever after."
"And realized he was just in it for the sex, had a breakdown, tried to kill myself, and ended up under observation in the psychiatric ward for a while."
She stubs the cigarette out in the sand, then turns and cups his face in her hands. Her cheeks are damp with tears but she's stopped crying. "You're such a fucking idiot," she says before leaning to kiss him.
Jensen kisses her back. His mouth is soft and the kiss is chaste. "I really missed you," he says.
"Liar." She shifts so they're sitting side by side. She pulls his arm over her shoulders.
"I've never been able to talk to anyone the way I talked to you."
"Not even your boyfriend?"
"Jay? I...he's...yeah. I can talk to him. I just..."
"Are you blushing?" she asks, turning to look at him. "You are. You're blushing."
"I'm sunburned."
"You're blushing. He makes you tongue tied."
"Maybe."
"You really like him, huh?"
Jensen nods. "Yeah. I like him a lot."
"You going to return my phone calls, now? Add me on Facebook?"
He nods again. "Yeah."
"I want to be in your MySpace top eight."
"OK."
"And you don't get to try and kill yourself again. Not ever."
Jensen slips his fingers through hers and turns to kiss her temple. "Yeah," he says, "I promise."
Addi gazes out at the ocean, leans against Jensen's side and enjoys the feel of his arm draped over her shoulders. "Boys, huh?" she asks.
"Yup."
"I think I give bad blowjobs."
Jensen laughs and she can feel the vibrations of it in his chest.
"What? I'm being honest, here. You're just going to have to suck up the shyness and give me sex tips, OK? That's what gay boyfriends are for. That and shopping."
"I really don't like shopping."
"Sex tips, then. Do you give good blowjobs?"
Jensen laughs again. "They're kind of my specialty."
"Figures, with a mouth like that."
"Bitch."
"Cocksucker."
"Yeah."
"So. Tips. Come on, school me."
Jensen grins and they watch the waves as Jensen instructs her in the fine art of breathing through her nose.
Second Jensen Interlude
'Verse: Waiting to Begin
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: R
Summary: It figures that running into him for the first time in two years, she's got a margarita dripping down her skirt and Jensen looks perfect.
You probably want to read the rest of the 'verse first:
One | Two | Three | Four | Five | Six
Interlude
Wayfaring Sons
It's day one of Spring Break and Adrianne's already pissed off. Bria's being a bitch, no real surprise, though she could have at least waited one day to make Taryn cry. Taryn's still heartbroken over Matt and acting like she's not and, fuck, Adrianne's going to kill Bria if it turns out she really did hook up with him. Hannah's drunk already, also no real surprise, though the margarita she'd sloshed down Adrianne's skirt as she tottered on her stilettos had been a shock.
Adrianne cleans her skirt off as well as she can in the bathroom and tells herself she's getting new friends. She always says she's getting new friends but she never does. She's not sure why, exactly, since she doesn't even really like them. They probably don't like her, either. Popular girls have always mystified her, and she's still just as confused now that she's one of them.
She's on her way back to the table, wondering if she should get drunk and hook up or just go back to her room and read, when there's a hand on her arm and then arms around her waist. She's about to shove off whatever drunk loser has grabbed a hold of her when she hears his voice.
"Look at you! You look amazing! Look at my girl."
She turns and wraps her arms around his neck and she's holding on to her best friend for the first time in two years. She pulls back to look at him and her heart's beating in her throat. It's ridiculous how good he looks. He has no business looking that good--he should have gotten fat or lost his hair or maybe aged poorly.
Instead, in the years since she's seen him, his face has lost the curves of youth and turned into the face of a man. His cheekbones and jaw are sharp angles. His mouth is still pretty and full. He has just enough stubble to look rugged, not so much that he looks unkempt.
It fucking figures. It fucking figures that she's got a margarita dripping down her skirt and Jensen looks perfect.
He smiles at her, his eyes soft. He's a little drunk but it looks good on him. "God," he says, "it's so good to see you."
"You too," she says. "Asshole." And she hugs him again because she's never been able to stay mad at anyone, let alone him.
"I'm going to buy you a drink," he tells her, taking her hand and pulling her towards the bar.
When Adrianne was twelve years old her best friend was a boy named Jensen Ackles. He was quiet and smart and so, so beautiful. When Adrianne was fourteen, he kissed her and asked her to go out with him. When she was fifteen, they slept together. When she was sixteen, he broke her heart. When she was seventeen, she sucked it up and tried to be his friend again and it worked, mostly. She still loved him even though she told him she was good with being just friends. She lost sixty pounds and dyed her hair and dressed differently in hopes that he'd notice her, though he never did. When Adrianne was eighteen years old, two weeks after high school graduation, Jensen disappeared from her life--from all their friends' lives--and was never heard from again.
One day he was there, the next day he was just gone. His bitch of a mother wouldn't even tell her where he'd gone. "I'll be sure to pass on your message," is all she'd say to people who wanted to see him.
Two years and Jensen has become a ghost, a story people tell each other. "Remember that guy from high school? I heard he joined the army." "No, man, he went crazy and tried to eat the family dog and he's in an institution, now." "No way, I saw him last Christmas with his mom in the grocery store." "Did not, I hear that dude's dead."
He's a ghost but he's a ghost right there in front of her, smiling and drunk and, God, still as beautiful as ever.
Jensen buys them both tropical fruit margaritas and the tequila makes Adrianne a little dizzy, but mostly it makes her brave. "Where the fuck have you been?" she demands once they've made their way onto a dark corner of the patio where it's quiet enough to talk.
He looks away from her, and no. No, he's not getting away with it, not getting away with telling her jack shit just because he's shy and pretty and wounded. That shit drove her wild in high school, made her love him and want to save him and all that stupid high school girl stuff, but she's not fifteen anymore.
She reaches out a little clumsily and turns his head so he's looking at her. "Hey," she says. "Hey, you do not get to just, I don't know, just fucking give me that whole emo pretty boy face and get out of telling me where the fuck you've been for two goddamn years."
"Not now," he tells her and he looks like he might cry. "I can't...not in a bar. I can't tell you in a fucking bar."
"Are you OK?" she asks, shifting closer to him. "You're not...I mean obviously you're not dead but are you OK?"
"Yeah," he says, so quiet she can barely hear him. "Yeah, I’m OK now, Addi. I promise."
No one's called her that in years and it makes her miss him so much. She wraps her arms around his waist and he curls one arm around her shoulders and she feels fifteen years old again. He even smells the same, not his cologne but his skin, that Jensen smell she didn't even know she remembered.
After a few minutes she pulls back and says, "We need more tequila."
He laughs and says, "Yeah, OK," and they leave their dark little corner and head back into the bar. She tries to get him to dance but he won't, no real surprise. He introduces her to his friends and she doesn't remember any of their names. Pretty brunette girl, good looking blonde guy, pretty brunette girl, good looking brunette guy, pretty brunette girl who Adrianne assumes at first must be Jensen's girlfriend. Then she notices the way the last girl can't really stand to be near him and she figures she must be an ex. She wants to hug the tiny little dark-haired girl and tell her it will be all right. Jensen breaks everybody's heart, but you get over it eventually.
Only she's not really over it because when he touches her arm, suggests they go out for some air, her heart thuds and her thighs feel tingly and weak. She wants to push him up against a wall and kiss him and shove her hand into his pants and make him cry out her name. She wants to do all the dirty things she was too shy to do when they were fifteen and sixteen years old and fucking in the dark of bedrooms and backseats.
She doesn't even know what she's saying when she suggests they go back to his room. Some bullshit about wanting quiet and someplace to wash her face. He seems to think that's perfectly reasonable which means he's either drunk or he wants to fuck her just as badly as she wants to fuck him. She thinks maybe it's both.
He tells her about his roommate on their way back to the hotel, some giant kid who makes Jensen laugh a lot. That's good. Jensen's never laughed as much as he should. She doesn't really listen to most of what he says, though, just thinks about fucking him and what he's going to taste like and what his reaction will be when he finds out that she's not shy, reserved little Addi anymore, that she knows how to take what she wants.
"Oh, hey, coffee," Jensen says as they pass a tiny little cafe. "You want coffee? I could use some coffee."
Adrianne shakes her head and tugs on his arm. "Later," she promises.
Jensen gives the coffee shop a longing backward glance but keeps walking. He's more than a little drunk since by the time they get to his room, he fumbles with his key card and drops it twice before he can get the door open. Adrianne's laughing at him and she's, fuck, she's just going to grab him, shove him onto the bed and hike her skirt up and ride him all fucking night--
She puts her hand on his shoulder as he opens his hotel room door, feels him tense, suddenly, then relax, then he's pulling away from her and instead of going in he pulls the door shut again. "Jay's back early," he whispers. "He's sleeping."
The roommate. Fuck. She doesn't even care. She'll fuck Jensen with his roommate asleep in the next bed, whatever, she just wants--
"I'll see you later, OK?" Jensen says. And then he kisses her. On the cheek. He disappears into his hotel room, leaving her there in the hallway.
She waits a beat, waits for him to open the door again. She thinks about knocking. "The fuck?" she asks the empty hallway.
She walks away from the closed door, heads back towards it, then walks away again. It figures. It fucking figures. She's such an idiot ever thinking she could get involved with him again.
**********
"He's gay," says Bria after Adrianne fills her friends in at breakfast.
She rolls her eyes. "He's not gay."
"He didn't hit that?" Bria asks. "He's gay."
"He's not gay. He's just...Jensen."
"You have to let it go," says Taryn. Like she can talk. She's been pining after the same guy for weeks. "Boys you knew in high school are always bad news."
"He's not bad news," Adrianne says. She doesn't even know why she's defending him. "He's just...Jensen."
"That's the second time you've said that." Bria reaches out to snag another Splenda for her coffee. "Explain what the hell being 'Jensen' means."
"He's just...I don't know. He's quiet and sort of...he's always thinking about other things, like a dreamer, you know? And he's so shy. He only talks to me because I've known him since kindergarten. Like, sometimes people thought he was mute."
"Sounds like a catch," Hannah grumbles, adjusting her huge black sunglasses. She thinks they make her look like Nicole Richie but really, they just make her look hungover. Which she is pretty much every morning.
"His mouth," says Adrianne, leaning back in her chair. "And his body, God, it's even better now than it was back then."
"Wait," says Taryn. "Jensen? How do I know that name? Isn't he...Christ, Adrianne, he's the guy you were crying about freshman fucking year when I met you. This same guy? Even now?"
Adrianne bites back a retort about Taryn not letting Matt go even after he'd fucked her best friend.
"Didn't he ditch every single one of his friends a week after graduation?" Taryn asks.
"He says he had a reason," Adrianne says. "He's...fuck. He's right fucking there. Don't look!"
Of course all her friends watch Jensen as he jogs across the street. He smiles at her like he's glad to see her, like he hadn't just blown her off the night before, like he hadn't totally turned down the chance of sex.
"Hey, Addi," he says.
She smiles her best smile at him. "You know, nobody calls me that anymore."
He shrugs and stuffs his hands in his pockets, looks around at her friends like they might eat him alive, which they might. She wants to be pissed at him for the shit he'd pulled the night before, but she can't. He looks warm and slightly rumpled, a little sleepy. She wants to slide her hands beneath his t-shirt and feel the heat of his skin.
"These are my friends," she tells him. "Hannah, Bria, and Taryn. This is Jensen."
"Hey," he says, giving them a small wave. Bria looks at him like he's a Birkin bag, like she's never wanted anything more. Adrianne doesn't think it will really be a problem, since Bria's over-the-top manhunter approach is best suited to horny frat guys, not someone as sensitive and aware as Jensen is.
Fuck, she's pathetic. He's obviously not interested in her. If he wants to hook up with Bria, whatever. He's obviously a flake since, hello, he just walked away from everyone he'd ever known without a single goodbye. He's obviously bad for her because, Christ, she wants him more than she's wanted a guy in a very, very long time; Adrianne has discovered that she has very bad taste in men.
She flirts with him, knows she's flirting with him, tries to stop flirting with him but doesn't. His roommate comes over and he's sweet. She tries not to resent him for getting there early and ruining her night. She tries to convince Jensen to come to the water park but he's got plans. He says he'll call her and she wonders if he will.
"Gay," says Bria after Jensen and his roommate walk away.
"He is not--"
"I'm not passing judgment," Bria tells her. "I'm just stating a fact."
"He can't be gay," she snaps. "I've fucked him." It's a lame comeback and she knows it.
Bria shrugs and sips her coffee.
Adrianne gets a sunburn at the water park and spends the late afternoon covering herself in aloe. The worst of it is on her shoulders but she's pretty sure it'll turn into a nice tan within a day or so.
Jensen doesn't call that night. She tells herself it's just because it's too soon, that he's trying to play it cool.
Jensen doesn't call her the next day. Still playing it cool, right? He's got a few days before Spring Break is over and everyone has to head back to school.
Jensen doesn't call her the day after that, either, and she has to face up to it. He's not fucking interested and he's going to disappear without a goodbye, just like he had before.
She keeps her eye out for him the rest of the week, but of course the whole island's packed with kids and she's just about given up ever running into him again when she sees him on the beach. She'd gotten bored with laying out so she'd decided to walk up the beach and there Jensen is, lounging in the shade of a huge beach umbrella.
"Hey, Jensen," she says, trying to be pissed at him. It pisses her off that it's so hard to be mad at him just because he's pretty.
He looks sleepy and mellow and totally fucked out. She doesn't even want to know.
"Hey," he says softly. Fantastic. He's got a sex-raspy voice and, hey, she's pretty sure that's a bite mark on his neck.
"You burst into flame if the sun touches your skin?" she asks, looking up at the beach umbrella.
"Nah. I was out this morning but you know how quick I burn."
She nods. She does. He's already got a bridge of freckles across his nose.
"So, uh, I didn't call you," he says after a moment of uncomfortable silence.
"I noticed."
"It wasn't because I didn't want to call you."
"Uh-huh."
"I just...there's a lot involved in calling you and I was just...procrastinating."
"So which one's yours?" she asks.
"Huh?"
She gestures toward the volleyball game. "You haven't been able to tear your eyes away and I'm guessing it's not just because you're enthralled with the sport. Which one's your girl?"
"Oh, um, well." He scratches his elbow. "The tall one in the blue trunks, though I don't think he'd appreciate being called my girl. He might. He has kind of a twisted sense of humor."
"Are you kidding me?" she demands.
"No."
"You're not kidding me."
"No."
"That guy, your roommate, he's really your roommate."
"If by roommate you mean boyfriend, then yeah."
She's a little torn between laughing and crying. She decides on laughing since she can do it in public without making people stare at her.
"Addi--"
"Oh, don't," she says, shaking her head. "Do not fucking call me that."
"You're mad."
She shakes her head.
"Why are you mad?"
"You lied to me," she says. She feels raw and open like she hasn't since she was sixteen years old and he was telling her he just wanted to be friends. "You used me as a cover."
"No," he says quickly. He shakes his head and reaches out for her hand. "It was never like that."
"Right. Because you just couldn't fucking get enough of the fat ugly little girl who followed you around like a goddamn stalker--"
"You were never ugly, Addi," he says. He says it softly and looks her in the eye. "And I was crazy about you."
"And the whole time you knew--"
"I didn't. I didn't know. I was afraid I might be, but I never...I didn't...I couldn't even say it until a year ago."
She's supposed to feel bad for him, she knows that. She's supposed to be compassionate and supportive, but she can't. She runs her fingers through her hair and sighs and gets up and fine. Fuck it. She'll be the one to walk away this time.
"Addi!" She hears Jensen call after her but she doesn't turn around, just keeps walking down the beach as fast as she can. She wants to break into a run but her bikini top's not up to it. Instead she walks until she sees Taryn and sits down on the edge of her beach towel.
"Blocking my sun," Taryn says sleepily.
Adrianne sighs and reaches into Taryn's purse for cigarettes and a lighter.
"Since when do you smoke?"
"Since I was fifteen," she snaps. It burns a little bit on the first inhale, but it's not a bad burn.
Taryn props herself up on her elbows and squints beneath her sunglasses. "What happened?"
"Jensen's gay."
"Really?"
"Oh, yeah. He's got a boyfriend and everything."
"Damn. I won't tell Bria if you don't."
"You know she hooked up with Matt, right?" Adrianne asks.
Taryn sits up and tucks her legs beneath her. "What?"
"You knew that, right? It's not a shock, right?"
Taryn sighs and looks away and Adrianne can see her eyes watering. "Yeah," Taryn whispers. "I was pretty sure."
"Why are we friends with people we don't like? I mean, does anyone like Bria?"
Taryn shrugs.
"I'm fucking sick of it. I always say I'm getting new friends and I never do, only this time I really am. I can't be friends with people I don't like, Taryn. It doesn't make any fucking sense."
"What about me?" Taryn asks softly.
Adrianne tips her head forward so her forehead touches Taryn's. "Adore you," she whispers.
"We'll be our own friends," Taryn tells her. She pulls back and looks up and Adrianne doesn't have to turn to know that Jensen's behind her. "I'm gonna go cool off in the water," Taryn says.
Adrianne closes her eyes as Jensen sits down next to her. "Braving the evil sunshine?" she asks.
"I think I got seventeen new freckles on the walk over here."
She smiles. She'd always loved his freckles.
He takes the cigarette from her hand, takes a drag, hands it back.
"Remember when we started smoking?" she asks softly.
"Hiding behind your parents' garage. Yeah, I remember."
"I didn't really want to smoke. I just did it because I wanted you to like me."
"It was your idea."
"I wanted you think I was cool and worldly. I wanted you to think I was mysterious."
"Addi--"
"And I never, I never even touched you, did I? I never made a mark. I wanted you to fall in love with me and you just..." She tucks her head down, lets her hair fall in her face like it will hide the fact that she's crying. "This is so fucking stupid. I got over you years ago."
Jensen doesn't say anything.
"You broke my heart," she says.
"I know."
"And not even, I mean, yeah. It was bad. When you broke up with me, that hurt, but I'm not even...I got over that. I got over that but then you fucking disappeared. One day you're my best friend and we're going to have one last summer together before college, and the next day you vanished."
"I told my parents," he says softly.
"Told them what?"
"That I was gay. I left for a treatment camp nine hours later."
She looks up at him. He's pale even in the sun, staring down at his hands. "They brainwashed you?"
"They didn't make me go," he whispers. "I wanted to go. I wanted to change. I hated it, Addi. I couldn't tell you because I hated it so much I couldn't even say it out loud."
"Did they break your heart at that camp?" she asks.
"No. It wasn't bad. The people there were really kind, actually."
"Why didn't you call me when you got out?"
"Because I was too ashamed to tell you where I'd been. Because I knew as hard as I'd tried, I hadn't been cured, but I was still trying to pretend. I thought if I left everything behind, started fresh...I know it's stupid, but I was willing to do anything to be straight."
"What changed?"
"I fell in love."
Adrianne smiles sadly. "And lived happily ever after."
"And realized he was just in it for the sex, had a breakdown, tried to kill myself, and ended up under observation in the psychiatric ward for a while."
She stubs the cigarette out in the sand, then turns and cups his face in her hands. Her cheeks are damp with tears but she's stopped crying. "You're such a fucking idiot," she says before leaning to kiss him.
Jensen kisses her back. His mouth is soft and the kiss is chaste. "I really missed you," he says.
"Liar." She shifts so they're sitting side by side. She pulls his arm over her shoulders.
"I've never been able to talk to anyone the way I talked to you."
"Not even your boyfriend?"
"Jay? I...he's...yeah. I can talk to him. I just..."
"Are you blushing?" she asks, turning to look at him. "You are. You're blushing."
"I'm sunburned."
"You're blushing. He makes you tongue tied."
"Maybe."
"You really like him, huh?"
Jensen nods. "Yeah. I like him a lot."
"You going to return my phone calls, now? Add me on Facebook?"
He nods again. "Yeah."
"I want to be in your MySpace top eight."
"OK."
"And you don't get to try and kill yourself again. Not ever."
Jensen slips his fingers through hers and turns to kiss her temple. "Yeah," he says, "I promise."
Addi gazes out at the ocean, leans against Jensen's side and enjoys the feel of his arm draped over her shoulders. "Boys, huh?" she asks.
"Yup."
"I think I give bad blowjobs."
Jensen laughs and she can feel the vibrations of it in his chest.
"What? I'm being honest, here. You're just going to have to suck up the shyness and give me sex tips, OK? That's what gay boyfriends are for. That and shopping."
"I really don't like shopping."
"Sex tips, then. Do you give good blowjobs?"
Jensen laughs again. "They're kind of my specialty."
"Figures, with a mouth like that."
"Bitch."
"Cocksucker."
"Yeah."
"So. Tips. Come on, school me."
Jensen grins and they watch the waves as Jensen instructs her in the fine art of breathing through her nose.
Second Jensen Interlude