Lately things have been wonderfully hopeful, a rare thing in my recent past. And I can't help but see each day as a new thing to conquer, to mold into something beautiful.

Things are looking up for the feldmeister:)

Time has a way of turning everything around. We, at our most hopeless, must never give up, because there is life waiting to be had. I am happy. It's a weird thing for me to type, but it feels like heaven. And bumps will always come, some bigger then others. People will leave you, hurt you, and you will attempt to destroy yourself on several ( Read more... )

Where the hell am I, and where did the real world go? It's way too late for me to be up, and also too late for me. I thought I would have had a chance to realize my faults......as I have, but still deny. I wish for everything and nothing all at once. For love to devour me, and spit me out.

I remember these things......and the laughter children bring. I think of all the days we waste with veils of lies, and being too involved in nothing to realize that our hearts are still beating. To be honest with friends, and lie to ourselves until we can't tell the difference anymore. To laugh when no one is around, to hope for the end, and to ( Read more... )

This weekend will be a test. One that I hope I pass, or at least if I don't, won't leave me in a state of shock and sadness. I always sound so morose when I write, but i guess that is just because I feel safe writing these things. Speaking them out loud makes it solid, more meaningful. Writing is just a tool we use to help heal ourselves and ( Read more... )

I feel like a child who has grown into an adult overnight. Things are now becoming more clear then I wish that they would.......it's making the real life I lead very difficult. I've cried in front of total strangers this week, and cried alone in a dirty Hot Topic bathroom, holding a stuffed animal to my chest like a security blanket, like my ( Read more... )

For every moment that i have to speak my mind.....even if it is horrible or weird. I am greateful that I have a voice and that I have the ability to scream if I so chose. I love this, each second that I can hold it all together with a small filament...... this is a gift!!!

Beneath the rubble of time ( Read more... )

Wow. The world has moved on, but LJ is still here. Thank god ( Read more... )

This has been more then I've ever felt. I'm tired, shaken, angry....sad beyond the meaning of the word. I'm afraid to scream, but that is what I really want to do. I want to scream to the world that this is not fair, not fuckin FAIR!!!!! And this is a safe haven, because no one reads this shit anymore. I am afraid to think about saturday. The ( Read more... )