I don't know what to do, haven't known in a year and a half. I need a nice long vacation (at a beach). I need to just watch the waves and read a nice book.

Christmas is coming, I have NO money... wooo.

I will always regret what happened, I could have prevented it.

I guess all I have left is time.

There is no hope.

:( I want to rewind. I want a do over.

I unfortunately do everything for dallas still... yesterday I let him come over so he can eat shower and I can cut his hair to make it look less terrible. I cut my finger :( This is all going to bite me in the ass over and over and I can't bring myself to stop trying to make him want to be "with me" or what ever. He makes me want to punch things ( Read more... )

So on the way home from Eric's house... I realized something interesting ( Read more... )

I had a dream that I reminded dallas of my grad party and he said
"oh shit... I can't come I made plans with alea and chewy to smoke and shit all day"

that pretty much sums up our relationship as even friends.

I can't even make it 5 days.
I have control but I just don't feel like using it I guess.

I'm done with school forever
I still love you.
gross.

I think the best thing to do right now is take my own advice. I have been helping other people for so long and I seem to be good at it, so this time I need to do what I think will help me. Its all easier said than done, but its the only way I can stop being a "downer ( Read more... )

He really doesn't know how much this kills me.
Seeing him everywhere, feeling like this when he feels the opposite.
Help. I don't want to let go of the past 4 years but I need to. It kills enough already.
I want to start writing happy posts.