11:44PM April 28, my mother texts me, on her day off, to wish me happy birthday. did she forget or was she trying to avoid me turning 23? i honestly didn't think she was going to say it at all. she didn't mention my birthday to me for five years so why am i upset that she said it fifteen minutes before this one ended? taking Eric's advice, i didn't ( Read more... )

i think i want to be a baker. maybe...................yea.. maybe.

i was reading an article this morning about the Moscow bombing. they say North Caucasus rebels did it but you can't know for sure until someone that is still alive admits it. apparently, they are recruiting women now. women that don't even look like a threat. this is pretty scary to me. i would expect this from men. they are stupid, they like that ( Read more... )

i hate these little moods i go through every year. where i get all depressed and shit. it's so stupid but it's like i can't help it. i'm not fully depressed though which is wonderful. i find myself wanting to spend more time with myself but it's so hard because i have a 2 year old on my back every time i want to turn around. that the price i pay ( Read more... )

i feel so sick. i feel like i went drink for 24 hours straight. i can't seem to kick this stomach ache. gross. but i am going to try going to work today. as much i would love to stay at home with Taylar color, painting, listening to music..etc. i still needs to pay bills. how stupid. Liana did my taxes. how wonderful. i messed them up last year so ( Read more... )

so i started eating more, i'm gaining weight (which is a good thing people have been telling me...whatever) eating a lot less chocolate, a little less junk food. Point being, i'm looking healthier but dying faster. It seems like everytime i go to the doctor, something new is wrong with me. I have been to the doctor's 10 to 12 times this year and ( Read more... )

i have gone too far to turn back now. maybe if i hitchhike back, it would be easier restore all the damage....no no, that wont work. maybe.. i can keep walking on this long, hot road to see what i run into; i will never know unless i try. my shoes will get warn down and i will turn weak, i'm pretty sure more than once which is something i will have ( Read more... )

i feel like i am about to do something that is going to make me unhappy and i wont have any control over it. life isn't bad. i have Jon hounding me about his feelings toward me everyday; mentioning that is the last time he is going to mention "us". i have Taylar holding onto my legs everywhere i go in fear that i am going to leave her again. i have ( Read more... )

i have had three people this month tell me they were going to take me to sign up for classes and i ditched two of them on the day we were going to go. and i just might end up ditching the other one too. what the fuck is up with me?! okay, drive to my house, pick Taylar and me up (we'll figure out where to put Taylar), and take me. don't even let me ( Read more... )

i woke up this morning in a wonderful mood. Taylar woke me up, she showed me a picture of her and jon and saying daddy and kissing the picture. She handed me my glasses, which means "okay you have to get up. I want breakfast." when i put on my glasses i hear the wind coming from my window. I look and what i saw was two sets of trees, very close ( Read more... )