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[surrender]

A few weeks ago, I mentioned to L that I find it surprising how people respond to me when I mentioned my personal issues to them. I find that some people, whom I consider really good friends, just don't know how to respond appropriately. In retrospect, I find it funny, but at that time, I was totally disappointed by their response (or lack of).

Comments

[surrender]

Thanks for your concern but I'm sure I'll be OK. It's just one of those days. One of these days I'm going to get back to the UK again. It's been way too long.

And yes, the left hand path! :) Nothing is true, everything is permitted!

[amadea]

(If I'm remembering the conversation correctly) I don't think I meant to say that people who use technology frequently lack the ability to communicate effectively, although I do think that's often true - but more that certain technologies change our expectations about communication in ways that we haven't quite figured out yet, and aren't all on the same page about. What I know about what you know about what I just said to you is radically different with, say, facebook or email or text message than it is face-to-face or on the phone... and even those things are all different from each other!

I think certain technologies expand our capacity and tolerance for shallow connections and interactions. I don't agree with you that they destroy the capacity for connections that are deeper, or more demanding, or more prolonged, but I do think that they detract from those connections.

[surrender]

I stand corrected. What you said!

But unlike you, I do believe that technology, with a greater reach does "destroy" the capacity for connections, esp at the "middle ground". What I mean by that is that the ground between "acquaintances" and "loved ones" or "best friends". The part of the relationship that crosses between "people you casually see at work daily" and "people whom you are married to or are dating". This ground which most of us would describe as "friends" has a tendency to sink into the lowest common denominator, ie kind of like acquaintances BUT we make the effort to meet instead of random casual meeting at the bar. This is the part where I find people who have accepted technology (esp text messaging and IM) as their primary communication tool seems to have problems.

It's hard for me to explain, but the best way I can describe it is a Chinese saying, which directly translated as "don't know how to be human" - or to paraphrase, just don't know how to be a friend.