I've entered myself into a tournament on the 
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I know most people celebrate my b-day on the 4th (thanks to my iconic service in the Vietnam documentary Born on the Fourth of July,)  so I wanted to throw out a little warning.  Celebrate, but be CAREFUL.  Fireworks are dangerous, but there is something even more dangerous... Brooke Shields' acting.  Oh I kidd around too much.

Seriously.  Hey, I ( Read more... )

My thoughts:
-Keith Urban reeked of alcohol and ritalin.
-I was late getting backstage because it took me ten minutes to walk around Jennifer Hudson. Presumably named after the Bay in which she left a ring around. ZING!
-That Allen guy was a pretty good host, but he really should have worn a tie.
-I went to pull Peter O'Toole's eyelids down but, as it ( Read more... )

I'll try to update more, but running my own studio (which you can read about here) is really taking its toll.  I only managed to do like 350 push ups yesterday because of all the work.  Some bitch secretary actually served us caffeinated coffee.  After I gave her a 20 minute presentation on the dangers of caffeine and how it leads to Parkinson's ( Read more... )

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The Tom 7:

Coming in at #7 is the song that ended the Cold War, David Hasselhoff's Looking for Freedom.

( The List goes on! )

Halloween was a lot of fun. I dressed as myself during my high school years. Luckily, I'm still boyish enough to pull it off. Anyway, I just love passing out protein bars and capsules of cod liver oil to the kids. They were all left speechless at the offer. Some even refused to take the treats. They didn't feel worthy; self esteem is such a ( Read more... )

You know, it's funny. I walk into the grocery store today. People stare long and hard at me. They know it's me, Tom Cruise. These days, people are really shy and don't like talking to strangers. So I pick out some tomatoes and notice these people try to muster the courage to ask if I'm... uh, you know. Then I pick the loveliest tomato up with ( Read more... )

We are fighting to save the Blog of Doom. Go here http://rspwfaq.livejournal.com/418164.html?page=2 and contribute a joke, a story, a youtube clip, a photo, memories from the blog of doom, anything you want. Just contribute. You don't even have to know anything ( Read more... )

Paramount is in shambles. Brad Grey, a guy I used to like, was going to change the studio around when he signed on a year and a half ago. I was taking care of my end but the studio was in chaos. And Brad Grey never had the guts to take command. He let old man Sumner Redstone undermine him and regulate him to lacky-status. You can't let that ( Read more... )