Step 1: Put your MP3 player or whatever on random ( Read more... )

( Read more... )

karazee cybersex man: ur probly 1 sexy waitres
karazee cybersex man: m i right?
me: Haha, I must not be because I don't make any fucking money.
karazee cybersex man: o
karazee cybersex man: how can i cheer u up?
me: Paint my house.

I've still got the flu or strep throat or SARS or whatever this is. My mother sent me a care package full of medicine and I'm taking it but I still feel awful and I guess I've gotten Des sick now too. I hope maybe one day this century I'll be able to go back to work ( Read more... )

I caught something and it's not a baseball. I've got like strep throat or the flu or the plague or something and I want to die. Thank you to Des and Becky for taking care of me. I'm still dying, but I appreciate your kindness ( Read more... )

I was coming home with Des in her car today (which has been fucking up) and when we pulled up, we saw that the driver's side window of my car had been smashed. My $200 car CD player was stolen. Also, all of Des and my CD's. This is great. The best part was that I just sat in Des's car and thought, "Yeah, well, of course. Because nothing really ( Read more... )

I like to hold the dog's face and shake her ears back and forth and all around while screaming

I AIN'T NO HOLLABACK DOG I AIN'T NO HOLLABACK DOG!!!!!!!!!

Because she was. But she won't be one anymore. Because we're going to get her spayed soon. Luxie will hollaback no more. Oh no. No. No.

Jesus Christ. Well, lately Des and I have noticed that Luxie's tits have been swelled up huge, much huger than probably normal and also are sort of purple. Then she stopped feeding her babies. They were hungry so they started screaming incessantly. They are only three weeks old though so she should still be feeding them. We gave them some ( Read more... )

Well, my feet hurt from working. Last night, Trisha accidentally knocked some of Ashleigh's teeth out while hitting her in the face with a tray but Ashleigh put her knocked-out teeth in a bag of milk and left work and got her face fixed well enough so that she could come into work tonight and wait tables and BITCH TO EVERYONE WHO WOULD LISTEN ( Read more... )

Last night, I found a tick crawling between my breasts. I was not happy. Anyway, I am going on a diet because my eating habits are gross and thusly, I feel gross. And also, I can't really button my pants. Des is trying to make sure that I do not go on a diet. Either she enjoys the kissing of my double chin or she doesn't want to lose her ice ( Read more... )