Look guys. I appreciate that you come to me with your problems. I want to help you, I really do. but when you come up on me with ( stuff like this )

I just wanted to tell you that I'm taking another measure to improve my public relations. I will now talk to you on AOL Instant Messenger (when I feel like it)! My screen name is the1truesatan314 ( Read more... )

I've been out for a while, I know--there were a few problems. Fucking God won't leave me the hell alone. He keeps killing annoying people and sending them to hell (the Schiavo/pope combo is a recent example). I think it's just his way of flirting with me, like how little kids will poke each other with sticks. He's always had a thing for me. But ( Read more... )

I know I haven't updated in a while. I know that I haven't responded to many comments. I ask you this: what did you expect? I'm not retired like that hack, God. I have work to do ( Read more... )

I've come up with some pretty good things, as far as evil goes. But all of the things you people hate the most wasn't my fault. It was God's ( Read more... )

Ahh, Jack, Jack, Jack ( Read more... )

So, there's this song I've heard by this guy named Voltaire (the goth singer, not the philosopher). It's called God Thinks. So it's basically about how people put words in God's mouth, right? How everyone says, "Oh, well. God says you have to be this religion, and do this." And then he goes on to say, "I know what God thinks/God thinks you're an ( Read more... )

So... did you see that new Geico commercial? Where the gecko does the robot? Surprisingly enough, that letter was real. One of you out there decided that it would be cool if the gecko did the robot ( Read more... )

You people, and your cults. For every one of my "followers" there's five followers of crazy, random shit you people made up ( Read more... )

What the hell is thisYou know what? That's okay. Disguising yourself as me won't exactly endear you in God's eyes, so you'll be sent straight to Hell, where my demonic and highly irate attention will rest solely on you ( Read more... )