my mother is fucked up. she sent me an e-mail about how much i neglect her and how much she loves me and how much my father is a fuck up. she was a grade A child abuser. she screwed my sister and i up so bad. sold our shit when we were out of town, locked us out, didn't feed us, treated us like we were prisoners. she was horrible and is now so self ( Read more... )

mornings make me so lonely. especially right after school and before work. it's like i've already had my day but at the same time it's just beginning. and i'm so alone. and the house is so quiet and cold and dark without alex here. he is the one that makes this place so friendly. without him it's not very comforting or nice ( Read more... )

i got all stressed out today after class, called my boss and asked if i could work a couple hours later so i could take a freaking nap. i had a wonderful nap. i still don't want to go to work. i'm feeling really worn down. this weekend was one event after the other, and it was really fun, but i'm exhausted from it. school in the mornings and this ( Read more... )

my boyfriend has never seen "the wonder years" or "boy meets world" therefore he doesn't understand how jacked up i am about both lead character boys being in the movie "little monsters" which i'm watching presently. does anyone get how cool that is? fuckin' little monsters! i just assumed fred savage actually lived in the period in which "the ( Read more... )

let it rain
as i walk these streets unknown
to no one, no not even myself
when i'm alone
and give me strength that love will find me
when i'm alone

-tracy chapman

packing up the christmas decorations makes me sad. lets me know that i'm not going to see my family for a long while. for a long and lonely while.

i have been so stressed out lately. having terrible panic attacks. almost couldn't sit through class today. finals, i have tests in math, history and english coming up. two essays due, a powerpoint presentation, 2 papers and a 5 minute final presentation with a storyboard i'm 25% done with. i'm working 10-12.5 hours a day. i have to drive nearly 10 ( Read more... )

mmm, i'm in such a good mood today. got some homework done. finals are coming up. i feel like some giant corner in my life has been turned. probably because i've lost weight because of all of the stress i'm under. and my work situation has changed. we're hiring new fun people and they're all my age. yay ( Read more... )

got asked out on a date today. god that makes me feel like a girl. made alex all jealous like. mmm, funny. i feel like a real person again. if i didn't have to work so much life might be good right now. i enjoy college, i like being there, i like the people and the interaction and getting good grades. if i had the time i would totally be one of ( Read more... )

i don't know what to do. i have more homework than i can manage, and i'm working these fucking 10.5 hour days, and i'm at school for 4 hours a day. i don't have any time. i can't sleep. food is unappealing. and alex keeps cleaning and cooking me things i don't have the energy to eat. and he sees this as unappreciative. but i'm just so fucking worn ( Read more... )

tonight was traumatic, trying to hide that from the boyfriend. wish i could re-live it and be a better version of myself.