It has been like a year since i have even logged on to livejournal so please forgive me for my absence. I’m not sure if anyone will be able to relate to this/ appreciate this but I really need to say a few things. I guess I just want to speak to any of you who are still in the “beginning phases” of your eating disorder. I joined livejournal three ( Read more... )

God I honestly don't know what the hell is wrong with me.  Why does it take me so fucking long to write papers?!?!?!  I mean how fucking hard is it to read two fucking articles and compare them?  IT'S NOT HARD  so why is it that i can sit at the library THE ENTIRE DAY and get nothing written down????   I hate being so fucking stupid.

I got back ( Read more... )

So I like don’t understand why this is taking so long. I feel like the first time went so much faster. Maybe my metabolism has slowed down because of last time but I’m not sure. I also haven’t had time to work out since I started because I’m so busy with school. I didn’t even go out on Saturday night because I have a paper due on Monday. I ( Read more... )

Even though I have  massive headache, I "shacked" with someone I shouldn't have last night, & I have to be at the library for the rest of the weekend working on a huge paper~   I am in a Fabulous mood!  I weighed myself this morning (after walking past all the frats and sororities in my clothes from last night ~how embarrassing~)  and I know a lot ( Read more... )

Shit shit shit... I feel like just crawling into a hole and dying right now.  I am so fucking frustrated with my weight.  I just woke up, I’m starving (so far today I’ve had less than half of a container of fat free yogurt (100 cals for the entire thing) and a rice cake (50 cals)...),  I want to go out with some girls in my house and the only way I ( Read more... )

God what have I done to myself???? I've completely let myself fall in to the hole. It felt so good to be "normal" for a while. It was hard... i'm constantly surrounded by girls who eat all sorts of bad things, the kitchen downstairs has 20 different kinds of cereal out 24-7 in plain view as well as other food that is bad for you. I don't have ( Read more... )

So far today this is what i've had:

1/2 a (snack size) bag of baby carrots

But I'm going out... I really want to drink but I don't want the calories... Don't know what to do.

So far today I have had 280 cals. Not bad... It would have been less but I felt so sick this morning at work because I have a cold (?) i'm not sure but the drainage makes me throw up. this is the second morning in three days that I've thrown up. And being sick totally messes up my calorie intake because I HATE feeling like that and the only way ( Read more... )

So last night I went to my boyfriend’s house and we watched movies.  I had fun but I ended up crying because I felt so huge.  And I ended up doing something that I never thought I would do.  I bought laxis.  I couldn’t help it!  I needed so badly to feel empty again.

After I left his house, which was at like 4:30 am, I went to Walgreens to get a ( Read more... )

I’m feeling soooo fat. I’m at 114lbs right now. I think I’m going to run tonight. God I hate the holidays because of all the fucking food people give you! FOOD SHOULD NOT BE GIVEN AS A GIFT, GIFTS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE NICE, NICE IS NOT SAYING “HERE, I WANT YOU TO BE FAT.” I will never give people food as presents ( Read more... )