Sexual Healing

[totalvirility]

Even in my xanax-ed state last night, I managed to remember to set my alarm for 6:30 AM this morning, giving myself ample time to press snooze a few times before doing the bare minimum in preparation for heading out to the free clinic in Brooklyn and arriving around 8:00. I figured I'd have had enough sleep, what with being passed out in a drugged

Comments

[lapsedmodernist]

I have surgical masks too, my mom sent them!!

The ones that tape over your face.

We can have a surgical mask party. At that space where the white labcoat party was.

[confusingwizard]

First, I'd like to say I've always wondered why they have to swab your urethra. I would think that a urine sample would contain at least small amounts of whatever it is in your weenie tissue that indicates the presence of herpes. I think the swab is some sort of pro-celibacy fornication deterrent perpetuated by Christian government big-wigs. I doubt its necessity

[irishfuck]

i went to the brooklyn free clinic once. they actually called and demanded that i come in, because an ex of mine from ohio had listed me as one of his partners when he tested positive for the gons. anyway, so i visited the clinic the day after halloween. the previous night, i had been whacked in the face by a drunken hipster flailing her skinny arms in the air. when i woke up, my eye had nearly swollen shut, and was the oddest shade of purple. upon arriving at the clinic, i was not greeted with a nurse that loudly proclaimed my sexual history, but one who lectured me on being in an abusive gay relationship. "i know you would never think it, but it actually happens" she says; such a thing had never crossed my mind because it has yet to be tackled on 'will and grace'.

Re: Hella Funny

[confusingwizard]

I'm very happy that you said "couldn't care less". The N apostrophe T is key to telling people that you don't give a shit. So many people throw around the term "I could care less" with this haughty tone and it makes me want to kick them in the throat and then stab their eyes. They never stop to examine the meaning and structure of what they're saying, because "they could care less" about properly expressing their apathy.

Re: Hella Funny

[totalvirility]

I dunno, William Saphire, I think either term works fine. For one, they are both used interchangeably so often that they have entered the common parlayance- namely, if you say 'I could care less' in a haughty tone, there is no confusion as to what your meaning is. This being the main indicator by linguistic anthropologists as to whether or not speach is 'correct' (rather than a strict adherance to arcane rules), that should be enough.
More than this, however, there is an idea expressed by saying 'I could care less' rather than 'I couldn't', and it is given in the inflection: namely, "I suppose it's possible I could care less. I don't even care enough not to care less, though."
That's really not caring- acknowledging that you'd care less, if it didn't take so much effort not to care less than you already do.

[mashuta]

i second (or third, even) the "Best.Post.Ever" praise.

i particularly enjoyed the snow angels in infected needles visual.

if it's any consolation, when i was a junior in college, i went to a boston hospital (rather reputable, i might add) emergency room for a post-abortion check-up (surely, that boosted their confidence as to my moral standing); my boyfriend came along and asked to be seen too, as he had developed a weird rash with a fever overnight. Upon examination, the doctor declared that he is likely exhibiting signs of the latest stage of syphilis. The look my boyfriend gave me at that moment... priceless. (it is worth mentioning that not only was he a virgin until we started dating, but we also had been dating for about 4 months at that point... latest stage indeed!).